Men prefer being solo
Posted on 06/02/2008 7:10:15 AM PDT by Hildy
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.
I think men are confused, as they should be. Too bad for everyone. When I was dating, I found it hard to meet that right guy. I found my soulmate in an older man...a different generation.
But here's the secret I tell my women friends when they ask me the secret to finding the right man for yourself. Women need to look very honestly (and that's hard for a woman to do) at themselves and assess what the top TWO most important thing she needs to be happy in life.
The older I get the more I see how downright selfish women can be...especially those who think they're not. We have unreal expectations and still, after all this time, a fairy tale image of what life should be and when life falls short, we take it out on the people we love. It's kinda sick, when you think about it.
Reuters left off the number ONE accusation that is leveled at a middle aged man who is never been married.
Can anyone guess what that politically incorrect reason is?
# Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
# Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
Ummm ... That they were smarter than the rest of us? ;-)
There’s nothing worse than a really bad marriage and nothing better than a really good marriage. I should know because I’ve had both.
“Dear Lord, just let me find a woman who is a pain in the A$$ only 10% of the time and I’ll kiss her feet.”
Is it a “gay” reason?
This would be an even more interesting thread if female Freepers would post their "TOP TWO".
sorry, i’m taken : ) LOL!!!
We have unreal expectations and still, after all this time, a fairy tale image of what life should be and when life falls short, we take it out on the people we love.
That sentence sums up my ex-wife pretty well..
Proverbs 21:9
Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse. (The Message)
And I imagine it can work either way as many middle-aged women are opting for remaining single as well.
So, what exactly are the TWO most important things a woman needs to be happy in life? Inquiring men want to know. :-)
Here we go. Four thousand posts about How Awful Women Are.
scared?
hardly.
It seems men tend to do a cold hard cost benifit analysis and make a conclusion.
Scared implies they can overcome their fear of being in a bad marriage in order to be in a bad marriage. (ala fear of flying)
Right idea wrong execution for this stating the obvious concept.
They should have just said men don’t want to mary a b*tch or a nag.
There is a glut of cheap milk on the market, so the price of cows is way, way down...
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men
*****************
Not buying it.
Definitely. Of course, men can be that way too. It's a humanity thing.
i’d have to say my top two are: be considerate, and have a great sense of humor.
Your comments were more insightful than what was contained in the article. I will throw in my two cents worth. I think women tend to make choices emotionally, which skews their choice in favor of wants rather than needs. They tend to make the same mistake again and again. Men on the other hand are probably more analytical and put needs above wants. And this article tends to underline that, by pointing out how many make very calculated decisions about relationships and that calcualation many times leads to remaining single. Women FEEL they are not making a mistake while men FEAR they might be making a mistake.
And on top of that, in the Oprah-generation, people divorce when they no longer feel the magic.
No! No! It is that they have much more money than the rest of us!
but have you noticed the posts that say a good marriage is wonderful?
It is about finding the right woman and discarding the bad woman.
in a related story it takes digging in 90 tons of rock to find a diamond.
Larger Carbon Footprint?!?
Married twice, divorced twice. Living now with my Doberman, who, while he can be demanding at times, at least does so in a non-verbal way which is much nicer. Also if he gets too far out of line, I can put him in his crate, something I never could do with either wife :)
See...36% of men are perfectly willing to marry the wrong person.
There. Fixed it for ya.
As someone that was married to two harridans and finally found contentment, I'm with the other guys on this one.
While there are wonderful women out there (and thank heavens I found one), our society is turning out a bumper crop of self-centered, ill-tempered, life-sucking shrews.
More and more women are selfish, self absorbed creatures. It's the church of Oprah and it's a crying shame.
If men aren't getting married, it's because they're not meeting any marriage material.
Women prefer being solo over a bad marriage.
The first is that women tend to advertise what they think the men want and not what they are. Their attitutde is that once he is hooked, she can go back to being what she prefers to be and there isn't a think he can do about it!
Second, both forget that you have to keep "dating", even after you are married to keep the excitement and interest in the marriage. If you don't keep your partner interested in you, he/she is going to wander off...not necessarily to another person, but to a more interesting activity or hobby.
The work really starts after the rings are exchanged!
For later read.
You got that right.
You got that right.
I don't think it a man woman thing so much as a generation thing.
All women are awful EXCEPT ottbmare, who is a wonderful lady.
Happy now?
"This would be an even more interesting thread if female Freepers would post their "TOP TWO"."
Agreed! I'd like to see that list.
1. A house.
2. Cuddling.
3. Comfortable shoes.
What men want.
1. Sex.
2. Beer.
3. TV remote.
Number 2 is optional. Number one goes away after you say 'I do'.
"That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow, and said 'no huggy no kissy til I get a wedding vow', I said 'Now hunny now baby, don't put my love upon no shelf' and she said 'Don't hand me no lines, and keep yo' hands to yo'self!'"
Georgia Satellites
They’ve discovered a food that will reduce the sex drive by at least 90%.
It’s called a ‘wedding cake.’
“It is about finding the right woman and discarding the bad woman.”
No, actually, it’s about deciding that a committment is a committment. There are bad times. People change. If you can accept imperfection, and enjoy the good stuff... it works. (This is assuming 2 people who want to make it work, and have a basic compatiblity).
And being alone sucks.
Any day of the week & all weekend long.
I was married for 19 years, and have been divorced for 20. I have no intention of getting remarried. I’ve discovered that “catch and release” is much more satisying in every respect.
“And I imagine it can work either way as many middle-aged women are opting for remaining single as well.”
I am not middle-aged yet.....but yes I have never got married because I fear a bad marriage or married to the wrong person.
I have found that most men these days just want sex anyway, a lot of them I have kicked to the curb on or after the first date. In fact, they so expect to have sex I find them hard to deal, talk with or understand. It is so obvious that sex is all they are after and not me. Then they get angry with me and ask “what is the matter with you?”.
I have not been on a date in years.
Well in the name of “equal” time:
Prov. 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
“The older I get the more I see how downright selfish women can be...especially those who think they’re not.”
I’m in my late 30’s and never been married. Admittedly, I matured late. While in my last relationship I discovered Dave Ramsey, and I tried sitting down with my GF and explain to her what my goals were and that I needed her support in helping me plan ahead for any months events. She almost immediately became standoffish and even somewhat bitter.
It is not as if I was going to not take her out, or not buy her gifts, I just wanted to cut back a bit and try to be more frugal in our decisions. I was even planning a trip for the two of us for when I completed my plan. However, after getting ignored for about a month, I called and broke it off with her. Her feedback was that I chose other things over her.
The funny thing is that I have noticed that since I started working on my plan, I have matured greatly and I now have more disposable income than I thought possible. I look at that relationship as a close call and I have since learned alot about both myself and women in general.
Now, I think I know how to recognize the “princess syndrom,” even in the most disguised package!
Thanks for posting this article.
Then you're asking out the wrong girls. Here are a few tips. Don't ask out a woman who swears. Don't ask out a woman who spends a lot of time putting herself together, i.e. go for the naturally pretty. An observation I've had over the years is that a lot of women who wear a good deal of makeup are either whackos or self absorbed.
Of course, I'm married to the only girl I ever dated so this advice may not be worth much since it doesn't come from experience, just observation. But I will say I managed to marry up. Way up.
‘They should have just said men don’t want to mary a b*tch or a nag.”
They used scared because the cannot use a positive word related to men, thats against the Rueters code of (cough) ethics.
I've said it before and I'll say it again...Women are soft, they smell good and they're nuttier than squirrel poop; every last one of 'em!
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