This getting old is getting on my nerves.
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New Direction for War on Terrorists: Send Service Vets over 60
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I am too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backasswards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join the military until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys think about sex only a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill someone that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be killing some fanatical terrorist.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training. I can hear the drill sgt in the NEW army now, "get down and give me....ER...one."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitude and automatic weapons who know their best years are already behind them.
If nothing else, put us on border patrol and plant grass. We're very good at keeping people off our lawn. We will have it secured the first night!