Posted on 02/10/2009 10:48:38 AM PST by IbJensen
It’s rumored after her first day in the White House Michelle Obama again decided she would be proud of the United States - but after thinking it over, instead she decided she could have had a V8.
Obama is trying to convince the nation it’s easy to be perfect – once he got the hang of it. So far, Obama has committed every fumble except bumping his head on the toilet seat.
The environmentalists are becoming increasingly desperate to make their case for global warming. They reported that some of the caribou are changing over early into their seersucker antlers.
Every day Barack Obama announces that the economy is closer and closer to the brink. Apparently he has spent too much time at a practice called brinking – or as the kids call it “brinking off”. These constant warnings about Armageddon by Obama are now the official lingo of the Democrat Party called - “Doomspeak”.
The stimulus package does everything but “stim”.
Barney Frank’s presence has given new profundity to the sobriquet "Welfare Queen".
It is now a race between the Muslimization and the Googleization of the world.
Some people in Congress are dismissing the growing apprehensive that homosexuality is re-genderizing the nation. To paraphrase FDR, they say, “We have nothing to fear but fairies themselves”. In fact, they call it “The Fairyness Doctrine”.
Considering how many times he has switched party affections back and forth, Californians have renamed Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Alternator.
In an attempt at historical revisionism, confused members of the Black Caucus are claiming that the slaves were brought over to America on the Nina, the Pinta, and the good ship Reparations.
Despite their extravagant lifestyle in the midst of the most calamitous economy in American history, some constituents have begun to refer to the Obamas as the Borgias of the Inner City.
It is projected that twenty years from now Auntie Barbara Walters will be padding around the network studios in a housecoat and bedroom slippers.
Liberalism in all its deteriorative forms - global warming, energy shortages, flex cars, windmills, etc - should be lumped under the single title of “Crapism”.
Speaker of the House, "Nutsy" Pelosi, says that America is losing five hundred million jobs a month – in a country that only had three hundred million citizens. Apparently she did not do the math - or take her “meds”.
Writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, called the twenties "The Lost Generation". Had he chronicled the present era he might have called it the “Get Lost Generation."
Obama has the mainstream media in a state called “mind lock”. (“Mind lock” is a complication that develops as the result of neglecting a condition called “integrity-lock”.)
Barack Obama promised us change. A good place to start would be by changing his wife’s name from Michelle to Meshuggah.
President Obama has signed a bill to provide health care presumably for inner city children. He might generously include a clause saying that children living in the suburbs who suffer from severe infections could receive any unused penicillin left over by the children in the inner city. (He might also consider decreasing the overflow of illegal aliens into the Health Care System by hanging some mistletoe over the doorways at the Free Clinic.)
It’s estimated it will cost the cash strapped State of California Department of Motor Vehicle millions of dollars just to correct the misspellings on its personalized license plates.
Barack Opansy’s next book should be called “Crumping Before Islam”. Obama will be welcoming a delegation from Hamas, after which he plans to host a return of the Mongol Hordes.
A thriving business has sprung up for interior decorators from cowardly Republicans who want to have their bellies re-yellowed.
The American taxpayers are being brutalized under the excesses of Democrat politicians. The Pelosi Congress now rivals the Roman Coliseum as the Super Bowl of Pain.
The disastrous selections of Obama’s political choices should be called “Nominee-gate”. Obama has so many pirates in his administration the White House has become Washington’s Jamaica Inn. If he adds any more malefactors to his Cabinet, Obama will need a motorcade of getaway cars.
Admirers have already hired a bartender to pour Teddy Kennedy into his grave.
It is increasingly apparent that Barack Obama is a figment of his writers’ imaginations. He can hardly wait to hear the witty remark they are going to pop into his mind next.
This will be remembered as The Gimme Administration. (In my old neighborhood anyone who had 900 billion dollars to blow was said to be “n-word rich”.)
The Democrats have a forever stranglehold on America in the form of public ignorance. As Czar Nicholas is reported to have said while watching the serfs starve, “It just doesn’t get any better than this”.
Members entering the Houses of Congress should be obliged to pass through a device called a Muddle Detector.
Obama is now officially the President of the Union of Soviet Socialist Inner Cities.
Now that she is a member of the Obama Administration, Hillary Clinton had to drop that su’thin’ fried accent she campaigned with down in Dixie - a false-drawl that made her sound like Fritz Hollings with a cotton gin up his ass. It’s been speculated, the world would be a better place if this self-designated “smartest woman on Earth” became “the smartest woman under it”.
If he ever met the Obamas, Uncle Remus would have applied for membership in the Aryan Brotherhood.
Barack Obama’s illegal alien Aunt, Zeituni Onyango, should be rousted out of Fed-supported Boston slum, parachuted onto the Serengeti Plain and just let her run with the herds.
San Francisco is now Gay City, Los Angeles is now Gang City, and Sacramento is now Stiff the State Workers City.
The United States’ National Debt has more Zeros than the Japanese Air Force did in World War II.
Harry Reid deserves a glob of saliva in his orb.
Michelle Obama has all the warmth and charm of Sonny Liston on steroids. If Barack stands between Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton he’ll get nagged in stereo.
After looking into his ancestry, genealogists found that John McCain is the Ancient Mariner’s older and more liberal brother.
Eli Whitney did more to end slavery than Abraham Lincoln. So far Barack Obama is less like Abraham Lincoln and more like Abraham Bumpkin.
Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden may eventually face off against each other in The Stupidity Bowl. (I suspect Joe Biden was making malapropisms while he was still in the womb. Maybe he liked to listen to the dumb echo.)
Terrorists do not have a flag. Neither do Negroes.
Bill Clinton is convinced that The Ten Commandments do not apply to him - and so does everyone else whoever saw him in action.
The growing fiasco that is Washington today is largely responsible to a "let it slide" media.
Barack knows “now is the time” but apparently he doesn’t know for what. At the moment he has put the nation in the eye of the Katrina economy.
Some manufacturers are losing faith in the U.S. economy and are “downsizing”. A once high-priced auto dealer has gone into Thimble Sales and Service.
A recent survey revealed that most people would not want to live next door to the Congressional Black Caucus no matter what color they are.
Muslims have been troublemakers since the beginning of Time - and the election of Barack Obama accelerated the process. Incidentally, the guards at the airline boarding gates say they can spot an Arab terrorist as one who has gone through his entire life without ever seeing a dentist or a barber.
The Obama Presidency is not an Administration - but a Usurpation. Apparently Big Brother has been replaced by Big Negro.
Tom Daschle has withdrawn his candidacy as Secretary of Health and Human Services, which will keep America’s health from being undermined or their human services dehumanized.
Has it occurred to those Hollywood stars that bring infants back from Africa that they will grow up to be Negroes?
Whoever said “You should never have to fight for the same ground twice” was unable to say it in Hebrew.
Barack Obama’s next book should be called “Crumping Before Islam” in which he could describe his plan for a Half Court War on Terror (Girls’ Rules).
Obama is flushing the economy down the porcelain receptacle, which is a step up from the kind of things Bill Clinton did in that little room next to the Oval Office.
Will Obama’s street thugs, who call themselves Acorns, motivate the nation to lift that abomination called “Political Correctness” in perpetuity - or until the end of Time – whichever comes first?
Climatologists have re-considered Al Gore’s climate hoax, and are renaming “global warming” as “gullible warming”. Every public pronouncement by Al Gore emits the effluvium of a tipped over outhouse.
Now the White House not only looks like a plantation, it is a plantation.
And this …
The world can live without Democrats, but not without oil. Elementary.
America needs more of Barney Frank like it needs to know about 'rimming.'
Am I glad to see you.
I despise these people!
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