Posted on 06/22/2009 4:45:08 AM PDT by Kaslin
Dear UNC-Wilmington Students: It’s getting close to time to start another semester. That means that it’s time to lay down the rules for all of my classes. I’m going to continue to use all the rules I’ve used before, which can be found in my syllabus. But, starting this semester, I’m adding three more rules. Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgendered students (GILBERTS) need to pay especially close attention.
First of all, GILBERTS will not be allowed to mention their status as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or trans-gendered. A few semesters ago, a gay student in one of my classes said – right in the middle of class, mind you – “I’m gay.” It offended me when he said that. That is why I am banning such statements for the duration of the semester. The simple awareness of the presence of gays in my classes offends me. No other reason need be offered. Just shut up and comply with the rule.
Second of all, GILBERTS will not be allowed to offer even mild criticisms of those who disagree with them. Last semester, a gay student was talking to one of his female friends – probably one of those fag hags - when he said “I want to marry my boyfriend some day if the bigots will let me.” Since I oppose gay marriage, for obvious religious reasons, it offended me when he made that statement. That is why I am banning any such statements for the duration of the semester. Even mild criticism of my beliefs offends me. No other reason need be offered. Just shut up and comply with the rule.
Finally, GILBERTS will not be allowed to state their beliefs concerning the origins of human rights. Last semester, a gay student said he supported gay marriage because he felt in his soul that it was the right thing to do. It offended me when he said that. That is why I am banning such statements for the duration of the semester. I’m simply offended when people discuss their beliefs about the origins of human rights, especially when it entails discussing their feelings. No other reason need be offered. Just shut up and comply with the rule.
Hopefully, by now, most of you realize you are reading political satire. But that crucial fact - and the larger point of the satire - was lost on countless GILBERTS across the nation. After reading only two paragraphs of this letter, which was posted in its entirety on DrAdams.org, they began to fire off letters to the UNC-Wilmington administration demanding that I be fired.
Had the GILBERTS taken the time to read this far they would have understood that a real letter of complaint was filed against me in January simply for a) mentioning my Christianity, b) offering very mild criticism of one assertion of Darwinism, and c) revealing a basic belief about the origins of human rights; namely, that they are endowed by a Creator.
It is sad that a college student would lack the maturity needed to hear someone say “I’m an outspoken Christian professor” without having an emotional breakdown. It is also sad that he was arrogant enough to write a letter of complaint to my Marxist chairwoman. I am simply not intimidated by anti-Christian bigots. Nothing short of a bullet in the head will keep me from professing my Christian beliefs. And most anti-Christian bigots don’t own guns.
It is also sad that the administration failed to reprimand the narrow-minded Marxist who expressed disappointment that the student’s letter would not result in a formal complaint. This is unmitigated bigotry, plain and simple. If I were not an adult, I would ague that it’s hate speech.
Of course, while sad, none of this is too surprising. This is an administration that removed the word “Christmas” from the tree and “Good Friday” from the university calendar. They even once tried to force faculty and staff to remove Bible verses from their university email signatures.
Nor is it surprising that GILBERTS express outrage at satire more often than Christians express outrage at real persecution. That is because most GILBERTS love their sexuality more than most Christians love Christ. And that’s the saddest thing of all.
Please post the appropriate South Park pictures.
Thanks,
GBC
“Just shut up and comply with the rule.”
Man, if only it were that easy to shut them up! ;)
Excellent post!
However, I recommend the gay-bisexual-lesbian-transgendered (note the order) among us be referred to as
“GIBLETS”
That way, no one named Gilbert is stigmatized.
;^)
It’s sad - all they (GILBERTS) think about is themselves. So much more is to be gained by caring for others.
1) I wouldn't count on that. I go to DU quite a bit, and even THEY hate the Dem position on gun control. A lot of them DO own guns(amazingly).
2) The US government, which they do control, DOES have guns, a lot of them, in all calibers, sizes and types.
“In the closet, or in the cross-hairs!”
ROFL!
Yes, but who will then stand up for the poor persecuted chicken innards? They have feelings too, you know.
My daughter will be going to UNCW this fall, too bad she isn’t in Dr. Adams field of study
However, I recommend the gay-bisexual-lesbian-transgendered (note the order) among us be referred to as
“GIBLETS”
That way, no one named Gilbert is stigmatized.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
No! No! No! Now you have insulted and upset me. The use of “GIBLETS” would spoil my Thanks Giving to GOD dinner when I was ladling the turkey dressing with gobs of giblet gravy. Sob, Sob.
Honest, I meant no offense to turkey innards when I unwisely mentioned only chicken innards. If I grovel enough, perhaps the turkey innards, whose feelings are now doubly hurt, will accept my apology?
But then there’s duck innards and goose innards. Are there enough of them around that I should be looking over my shoulder in fear of them?
It’s clear that GIBLETS won’t work. We’re going to have to go with the GBILETSGDS instead. (Don’t tell anyone, but we can pronounce it GIBLETS but if we spell it GBILETGDS, we have deniability).
Mike Adams is a hoot. I used to read his articles all the time but since I joined FR, I have not been a regular visitor to Townhall. This article reminded me how much I enjoyed his articles.
Heh, heh!
I had truly failed to consider the feelings of poultry parts, which will soon be rallying across the nation against this new found form of bigotry.
You’re right! GBILETSGDS pronounced “Giblets” is perfect.
Just as in England, “Cholmondoley” is pronounced “Chumley”.
As opposed to abortion, which is covered in the Constitution, gay marriage should no longer be used as a sop to the Christian “conservatives”. They aren’t conservative. They would blow off and have, RBKA, 5th Amendment, search and seizure, etc, in a heartbeat, if it would further their agenda.
Now, before we get in to the “full faith” clause canard; my driver’s license, fishing license, business license of choice must be renewed. Should I take up residence in another state, there would have no protection for the legality of my heterosexual marriage had it been to an epileptic, a Jew, or a Negro at certain and recent periods in time.
I lose my appetite at the thought of being next to a homosexual couple engaging in an intense tonsil hockey match. I am equally bothered by a heterosexual couple engaged in the same behavior. An open door to polygamy, polyandry, bestiality? Uh, yeah, let’s push the edge of ridiculousness.
Let’s stop the deliberate confusion between Conservatism and religious values. I have known very religious folks who weren’t very conservative and very conservative people, who aren’t very religious.
Are you being purposely provocative or are you just a twit?
First, why don't you just try being coherent?
GILBERTS? Even their acronyms are deranged. For Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgendered students
GLeBiSTS is more appropriate. Or we can refer to them as we always have, deviants.
Why don’t you go back and read what I’ve posted. It’s quite clear and I would never question the reading comprehension skills of a fellow FReeper.
Just because they say they own guns, you believe it?
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