Weak Negotiating Fathers

Townhall.com ^ | November 9, 2009 | Mike Adams

[JenB]

I listen to the Rush Limbaugh web feed and during commercial breaks he plays various parody songs and commercials. There’s one that has a pair of “negotiating” parents trying to deal with bad kids, then this guy shows up and says “Hi folks, I’m from the Oklahoma State Legislature reminding you, it’s ok to spank”.

When we’re in public and we see bad kids, my husband and I will roll our eyes and say to each other “Hi folks...” and we know just what that means. OUR daughter is going to learn what spankings are as soon as she starts needing them.

[Sgt_Schultze]

Every pack needs an alpha dog. Whenever there isn't one, all other members of the pack compete to determine who will lead.

A favorite successful enforcement tool I used on my three sons, was a single flick to the top of the noggin. It made a dull thud, left no visible marks yet enforced my will instantly. The greater benefit to the flick was it quickly became recognized as imminent and by mere display, I could enforce my will without administering the coercive act.

[sportutegrl]

I can’t imagine hitting my babies so hard that I dislocated their spine. Especially since I usually spanked them on their (offending) hand.

[Oatka]

Often that “look” from Dad was enough. The first swat was firm but not painful, if needed, the second one was painful.
Bill Cosby had a great routine about his dad and how all he had to do was shake the newspaper he was reading when the kids acted up. They quieted down REAL fast. I had something like that going on in my house and it worked out well. If I had to use punishment, when they were small, I'd tell them to get "The Belt". They knew what was coming and started bawling, but by God, they retrieved the belt. I'd bend 'em over my lap, give the missus a wink (she found it hard not to laugh) and then gave the kid a light swat on the butt. They'd carry on as if they were flogged. Then I'd make 'em hang "The Belt" up "until the next time". After a few sessions, we didn't have to do that again.

It begins at home. In my experience, 90% of tantrums are at home (becuase that’s where kids spend most of there time), and that is where the rules are set.
AMEN. We always taught our kids to respect other peoples' property. One time one of the neighbors brought their kids over and they started jumping up and down on our sofa. Soon mine were joining in and then that's when mine got swatted and the others flushed out. Our kids whined as to why they got smacked when "everybody was doing it". "NOT in our house" was the answer.

[super7man]

Kids learn very quickly what is an empty threat. It creates a horrible spiral of disrespect. Once a child know he can blow off a parent, he learns that he can try and do the same to other adults. Part of the problem in our schools (we home schooled for 12 years).

One time my wife and I were at the car show and I approached a car with a little kid (maybe 5 years old) sitting in the driver seat. Parents nowhere to be seen. I told him that he had to get out now, as I wanted to sit in the car. He said, “You're not the boss, I don't have to and I'll get out when I want.” My wife saw the look of death in my eyes and came running around the car to escort me away.

I held my ground and in as loud a voice as I could asked, “Who's brat is this, get him out of the car.” The parents saw the look in my eye too and came running to get their kid to safety. I am an easy going guy, but there are times when I've had enough.

[jimt]

I had to paddle my daughter exactly once. She was kicking me, and did not stop when asked, and did not stop when warned.

A few swift smacks on the rear end, with enough force to make them painful ended the kicking. Of course, she cried. It hurt !

After that, she was always much more amenable to sweet reason. The last resort in the reasoning process was to remind her of the paddling, and that ALWAYS worked.

Being spanked only once in your life by your father is not child abuse.

Her mother (my ex), on the other hand, used corporal punishment more often, and ineffectively. Her mother had to take crap I never had to take.

[BluH2o]

My wife and I attended the Air Force/Army game at the AF Academy this past Saturday. We bought the tickets late last week so ended up high in the stands, just below the press box, on approximately the 40 yard line. Not bad seats until a family with three squirmy kids sat down behind us. My wife and I were kicked repeatedly in the back the entire first half. Not one word from the parents. We left the game at half time without saying anything ... if you do your perceived as an ogre by the people sitting around you. In any event, the empty seats in front of them in the second half probably sent a message ... then again, as clueless as these parents were ... probably not.

[trubolotta]

I had to paddle my daughter exactly once.

That was my experience too and worked until my daughter was 16.

She had gotten herself into some serious trouble without my knowledge, so I sat her down to talk about it. At one point she jumped up with an "F U, I don't have to listen to you" at which point I put my hands on her shoulders and forcefully pushed her back down on the chair with a "Yes you do have to listen me!" Whatever good that one spanking had done had been undone in school because she had "rights" and parents were not as smart or caring as her teachers.

I got a call from DYFS the next day because she had a thumb sized bruise on her shoulder and they needed to investigate allegations of, you guessed it, "child abuse." The moron social worker "empathized" because she had similar problems with her children. So I asked, what is a parent supposed to do? Her answer: call the police or DYFS and let them handle it. In other words, they would remove my daughter from home, incarcerate her and provide "treatment" because that was more humane than what I did.

I agree with you and one spanking did work. I only relate this story so people know what the bureaucracy "thinks" about parents disciplining children and how their method is "so much better".

[Night Hides Not]

Well done, sir!

My kids know they have gone too far when I go "drill sergeant" on them...get my nose two inches from theirs, and let 'em have it at 80 decibels.

When they were little, I never hesitated to give them a whack on the butt, either.

It's easier to raise kids down here in Texas.

[Canadian Outrage]

My children are grown. But I do recall an incident in the Safeway store when both my son and daughter were running up and down the aisles screeching and I was attempting to stop them. Finally, I parked my half full basked of groceries by one till and asked the girl if she could watch it for me for a few minutes. I then proceeded to take my darlings out to the Jeep and wailed both of their behinds. When all the crying was done. We finishes shopping without incident. It’s a must to have good kids. CO

[clee1]

You see, that’s the whole point.

How I decide to discipline my children is not for you, or anyone else, to agree or disagree with. Disagree all you want, if it makes you feel better, but it is NOT your place to interfere.

It is sufficient to know that a) he is MY child, and b) he was NOT “beaten” - it WAS a spanking, and lastly c) the tantrum stopped abruptly and the lesson was learned: you don’t behave like a thug in public.

I disagree; at three it is the pain AND the shame that provides the object lesson. Your mileage may vary. I don’t have to spank either of my kids often, but when I do it is DEFINITELY a memorable event. Designedly so.

If more parents had done to their children what I did to mine, society would be in a lot better shape.