Posted on 11/09/2009 5:23:22 AM PST by Kaslin
The other day I was sitting at a deli having some breakfast and drinking a cup of coffee. A man was walking out of the deli with his kids when his son, who looked to be about three years old, asked his dad whether they were going to the park. The dad said “no” because, apparently, they had somewhere else to go. That’s when the boy turned and starting swinging his arms striking his father repeatedly around the groin area.
What happened next also annoyed me. The father leaned down and, in a gentle voice, began to explain why the child’s actions were inappropriate. The father wasn’t at all successful. The kid just kept swinging away and making a scene. The father patiently pleaded with his son “Please stop that, you’re hurting daddy.”
Previously, I observed something similar at the grocery shore. A man was shopping while his two boys ran wildly up and down the aisles. One boy was pulling items off the shelves and throwing them at his brother who had to catch them lest they crashed to the ground. When he tried to toss the items back to his brother – to put them back on the shelves – the instigator/brother would just run away laughing.
The boys’ father stopped the instigating son – obviously the older of the two boys - and began explaining to him why his actions were wrong. After he was finished making sure his son understood his position – that there was no “communication breakdown” – his son simply resumed with his disruptive behavior.
Right now, I’m waiting to board a flight in the Minneapolis airport. A young boy who is about two years old is throwing a tantrum and his father is pulling out a bag of goodies in an effort to appease him. The waiting areas in the A terminal of the Minneapolis airport are pretty small so I can’t get away from the noise. I’ll have to resume writing this column later.
The take off of our flight to Lincoln, Nebraska was delayed for a few minutes. The little boy who threw a tantrum in the terminal refused to stay seated with his seatbelt on before the take-off. After his dad buckled him up he started to scream. So his dad unbuckled him and let him just stand up in his chair and scream. The flight attendant finally told the father that we were not going anywhere until he held firm and showed the boy that he was going to win this battle.
I don’t think the flight attendant really understood just how profound a statement she had made. A society with weak negotiating fathers is one that has little hope of going anywhere. It just sort of gets stuck on a runway while everyone grows impatient wondering what the problem could be and whether there’s some expert who could figure it all out.
It’s temping to over-simplify the problem by saying that most fathers are afraid to discipline their children in public because there are cameras that record their actions and that those actions are increasingly monitored by the criminal courts. It is true that many acts we once called discipline are now called misdemeanors. But the problem is much broader.
The civil courts have been so hijacked by radical feminism that a father’s right to see his own child is now seen as a privilege. Unless the mother actually murders her children she will get custody of them. The father who sees his children every other weekend won’t risk losing custody altogether. That is why any semblance of discipline often dies along with the marriage.
And it’s tempting to stop here and pretend we haven’t oversimplified the problem. But the war on fathers in the legal system really isn’t war. It is a battle in a larger war on men in our society-at-large. No one understands that war better than those of us who teach in higher education.
In the halls of academe feminists are pushing the idea that there are no inherent differences between men and women. The idea is simply too stupid to believe - even for most feminists. But feminists are no different than sorority girls in the sense that they will pretend to be stupid if it means they can get something without working.
Their plan is simple: If male/female differences are all the result of patriarchal oppression, not biology, they can better argue for social engineering and the social welfare it entails.
The feminist war on males reminds me very much of the war on Christians I once waged as an atheist. I enjoyed pointing to the hypocrisy of Christians. But I only did it because bringing them down to my level was much easier than lifting myself up to theirs.
And that is really what is happening with the current epidemic of weak negotiating fathers. It is not about uplifting our children. It is about bringing the fathers down to their level.
But at least we are moving in the direction of equality. It gives us something pleasant to consider while we’re sitting on a runway waiting for the experts.
If you spank a child in public, you will go to jail and CPS will take your children.
If you are a mother, you will get your children back with mandatory counseling.
If you are a father, you will be charged with the worst possible crimes, and you will never see your children again.
Why? Because the “adults” that result from these laws are guaranteed to be permanent liberals of the absolute lowest level.
Male - Strike 1
White - Strike 2
Christian - Strike 3
I would not hesitate to spank my child in public, nor did i hesitate to tell them to shut up in public....got my share of nasty looks, and even had to tell people to mind their own business....i was willing to stand tall in front of a jury and dare them to convict me...screw the busybodies, stand up for your rights as a parent and dare them to come after you.....
Clearly, the government must immediately have Federal Nannies stationed at all airport checkpoints to arrest and smack these incalcitrant children into submission.
Modern parents must demand full subsidies & support from the Obama administration if they expect a continuing push to raise, musically deferential, compliant, worshipful, communist kids.
Appeasement, blaming the victim, protecting the abuser are all examples of behaviors women decried in the cases of beaten wife syndrome, inviting rape victim, and silent mother who stands by when children are abused by the man in their life. A closer look will reveal that these things have now been displaced from the personal onto America as a nation when we constantly apologize to the world for ourselves (appeasement), ask what we did to bring on the terrorist attacks (self blame) and make excuses for perps as is happening in the case of Fort Hood (protecting the abuser of our family).
The feminized society has not only embraced the noblest of female qualities, but also the very worst, including the need for universal approval. Does this war make me look fat? Men, I beg you to step up and back into your role as defender and protector. Stop being fearful and bullied and afraid of being called mean. Please, please be “mean”.
My kids know better. I have, and will continue to, raise my children properly, i.e, negotiation where it makes good sense and “because Daddy says so” along with the appropriate force to their seat of education - and I really don’t care if people don’t like it.
I was in Walmart a few weeks ago with my 3 y/o son, who decided to throw a tantrum. I told him once to “Knock it off”, firmly, and when he didn’t, I took off my belt and give him two good swats to the posterior. Tantrum terminated.
As I was putting my belt back on, a member of Walmart management (an obviously militant homosexual female) came running out to where were were, loudly screaming “I’m going to have you arrested! How DARE you BEAT that poor little child like that!” This tirade went on for several minutes, in an apparently northeastern accent (NY or NJ).
When she finally ran down, all red in the face, I calmly said: “Ma’am, I did not BEAT my child - I spanked him: BIG difference. YOUR way has resulted in kids that run wild and apparently don’t have a clue as to what is appropriate behavior. I don’t know where you’re from, and I really don’t care, but around here, people tend to mind their own fvcking business - which clearly this ISN’T! Now, you can call anybody you want; I’ll wait right here. Feel free to use my cellphone if you like. But know this: when you are done, I’m going to sue you and Walmart for 100 billion dollars; I don’t even care if I win or not because I’m going to tie you all up in court for the next 30 years or so. I wouldn’t let my mockingbird mouth overload my wide bulldyke @ss if I were you. Good day.”
With that I turned and left with this fine representative of the indeterminate sex following me screaming that I’d better never come back in her store. I used to number posted on the door outside to inform the area office what had happened. I don’t know exactly what happened to her/it, but I haven’t seen that particular lesbian in the Walmart since.
The moral - stand your ground! Other people only have the power over you that YOU choose to give them.
Men, I beg you to step up and back into your role as defender and protector. Stop being fearful and bullied and afraid of being called mean.
&&&
I agree. And I would add:
Protect your child from a shallow, selfish woman. Do not father a child with a woman unless you are married to her, and don’t marry a woman unless you are sure she will value the essential role a father has in his child’s life so much that she would not rip you out of the child’s life for frivolous reasons.
Many of us really are fulfilling the role of defender, protector, and provider for our families.
However, Satan has infiltrated the minds and policies of those “who bear the sword”,
and any act of being a “father” can be severely punished with the removal of the children from the home and being put in the care of those who are much worse.
So, I’ll excercise caution in public, thank you very much.
At home - yes. Biblical father to the degree that I understand.
Mike Adams can find 10 - 50 - even 100 more examples of Weak Negotiating Fathers. But that’s not the problem.
It’s absent fathers which are the real problem. Absent fathers are tearing apart the fabric of America.
As bad as Weak Negotiating Fathers are; I’ll take them anytime over an absent one.
Mike Adams can find 10 - 50 - even 100 more examples of Weak Negotiating Fathers. But that’s not the problem.
It’s absent fathers which are the real problem. Absent fathers are tearing apart the fabric of America.
As bad as Weak Negotiating Fathers are; I’ll take them anytime over an absent one.
I rarely had to spank my kids in public but when I did it was always quickly and out of the public eye. It was rare because my kids knew better too. Often that “look” from Dad was enough. The first swat was firm but not painful, if needed, the second one was painful.
We never negociated. I cringe when I hear a parent say, “Do you want a spanking?” For my kids, it was already too late.
When my son was about four we were in the supermarket and the kid in front of us was in total melt down over not getting some piece of candy. My son looked at me and said, “Dad, that boy needs a spanking.”. The guy behind us in line said, “He sure does.”. The point is that my son got it.
Both my kids are grown, well adjusted and happy adults. We respect and love each other greatly.
It begins at home. In my experience, 90% of tantrums are at home (becuase that’s where kids spend most of there time), and that is where the rules are set.
If you haven’t taught them there, there is no way you will be able to correct them when at the airport, restaurant, etc... When those 10% of tantrums happen outside the home, the child should already know that Mom/Dad mean business.
How often to we see parents threaten children with consequences for behavior and then never follow through with the threat? These parents are breaking the Commandment to not bear false witness.
Post of the day!!
I don’t agree with ‘spanking’ a 3 year old with a belt. Why not your hand? If you are hitting them so hard that it would hurt your hand so that you use a belt, then YOU ARE HITTING THEM TOO HARD. The pain isn’t the punishment, it is the shame.
I have always made sure my boys knew that Don-o is the Head and CEO of Don-o Family Incorporated. He has good judgment. That --- among his other good qualities --- is why I married him!
A hand on the bottom is a good way to dislocate a little spine. Better to use a very thin switch that stings but does no damage.
Exactly.
Train them at home and there will be fewer incidents in public.
And as WT says, you have to be consistent and follow through.
The kid has to know that there will be a consequence, 100% guaranteed, when circumstances permit.
Shame a 3 year old? Are you kidding? As another poster has pointed out, a belt is safer. The judicious application of pain for bad behavior is appropriate. Long ago when my 3 year old daughter played with the stove despite several scoldings not to, the swat to her bottom was intended to inflict pain, not shame. I'd rather her bottom be sore for a few hours than see her suffer the consequences of playing with fire, playing in the street or many other things that would cause her far more harm than a little pain from spanking.
It's the nanny state mentality that you are exhibiting, that you know best about how to discipline children, that is exactly the problem with raising civilized children and not little monsters.
I listen to the Rush Limbaugh web feed and during commercial breaks he plays various parody songs and commercials. There’s one that has a pair of “negotiating” parents trying to deal with bad kids, then this guy shows up and says “Hi folks, I’m from the Oklahoma State Legislature reminding you, it’s ok to spank”.
When we’re in public and we see bad kids, my husband and I will roll our eyes and say to each other “Hi folks...” and we know just what that means. OUR daughter is going to learn what spankings are as soon as she starts needing them.
A favorite successful enforcement tool I used on my three sons, was a single flick to the top of the noggin. It made a dull thud, left no visible marks yet enforced my will instantly. The greater benefit to the flick was it quickly became recognized as imminent and by mere display, I could enforce my will without administering the coercive act.
I can’t imagine hitting my babies so hard that I dislocated their spine. Especially since I usually spanked them on their (offending) hand.
It begins at home. In my experience, 90% of tantrums are at home (becuase that’s where kids spend most of there time), and that is where the rules are set.
AMEN. We always taught our kids to respect other peoples' property. One time one of the neighbors brought their kids over and they started jumping up and down on our sofa. Soon mine were joining in and then that's when mine got swatted and the others flushed out. Our kids whined as to why they got smacked when "everybody was doing it". "NOT in our house" was the answer.
One time my wife and I were at the car show and I approached a car with a little kid (maybe 5 years old) sitting in the driver seat. Parents nowhere to be seen. I told him that he had to get out now, as I wanted to sit in the car. He said, “You're not the boss, I don't have to and I'll get out when I want.” My wife saw the look of death in my eyes and came running around the car to escort me away.
I held my ground and in as loud a voice as I could asked, “Who's brat is this, get him out of the car.” The parents saw the look in my eye too and came running to get their kid to safety. I am an easy going guy, but there are times when I've had enough.
I had to paddle my daughter exactly once. She was kicking me, and did not stop when asked, and did not stop when warned.
A few swift smacks on the rear end, with enough force to make them painful ended the kicking. Of course, she cried. It hurt !
After that, she was always much more amenable to sweet reason. The last resort in the reasoning process was to remind her of the paddling, and that ALWAYS worked.
Being spanked only once in your life by your father is not child abuse.
Her mother (my ex), on the other hand, used corporal punishment more often, and ineffectively. Her mother had to take crap I never had to take.
That was my experience too and worked until my daughter was 16.
She had gotten herself into some serious trouble without my knowledge, so I sat her down to talk about it. At one point she jumped up with an "F U, I don't have to listen to you" at which point I put my hands on her shoulders and forcefully pushed her back down on the chair with a "Yes you do have to listen me!" Whatever good that one spanking had done had been undone in school because she had "rights" and parents were not as smart or caring as her teachers.
I got a call from DYFS the next day because she had a thumb sized bruise on her shoulder and they needed to investigate allegations of, you guessed it, "child abuse." The moron social worker "empathized" because she had similar problems with her children. So I asked, what is a parent supposed to do? Her answer: call the police or DYFS and let them handle it. In other words, they would remove my daughter from home, incarcerate her and provide "treatment" because that was more humane than what I did.
I agree with you and one spanking did work. I only relate this story so people know what the bureaucracy "thinks" about parents disciplining children and how their method is "so much better".
My kids know they have gone too far when I go "drill sergeant" on them...get my nose two inches from theirs, and let 'em have it at 80 decibels.
When they were little, I never hesitated to give them a whack on the butt, either.
It's easier to raise kids down here in Texas.
My children are grown. But I do recall an incident in the Safeway store when both my son and daughter were running up and down the aisles screeching and I was attempting to stop them. Finally, I parked my half full basked of groceries by one till and asked the girl if she could watch it for me for a few minutes. I then proceeded to take my darlings out to the Jeep and wailed both of their behinds. When all the crying was done. We finishes shopping without incident. It’s a must to have good kids. CO
You see, that’s the whole point.
How I decide to discipline my children is not for you, or anyone else, to agree or disagree with. Disagree all you want, if it makes you feel better, but it is NOT your place to interfere.
It is sufficient to know that a) he is MY child, and b) he was NOT “beaten” - it WAS a spanking, and lastly c) the tantrum stopped abruptly and the lesson was learned: you don’t behave like a thug in public.
I disagree; at three it is the pain AND the shame that provides the object lesson. Your mileage may vary. I don’t have to spank either of my kids often, but when I do it is DEFINITELY a memorable event. Designedly so.
If more parents had done to their children what I did to mine, society would be in a lot better shape.
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