Posted on 11/17/2009 11:17:51 AM PST by JerseyHighlander
Who is he so that I may abuse him thoroughly.
DEAR SIR/MADAM,
THIS IS A PERSONAL EMAIL T0 YOU ONLY. I AM THE SON OF SPAM SPADE, THE FORMER LOAN OFFICER OF NIGERIA, WHO WAS KILLED BY A RUSSIAN LADY WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU. HIS MORTGAGE RATES WERE SUPERB, BUT HIS PENIS WAS TOO SHORT, SO HE ORDERED 60,000,000 VIAGRA PILLS AND BEFORE HE COULD TAKE THEM HE WAS ASSASINATED BY 5 MILLION EMAIL ADDRESSES AT NO COST TO YOU. NOW I HAVE THESE 60 MILLION VIAGRA PILLS AND SEEK YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERING THEM TO YOUR ACCOUNT.
I AM USING THIS MEDIUM TO REACH YOU. HOWEVER I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE AND THIS IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL, YOUR CO-OPERATION IS NECESSARY. YOUR RESUME WAS SELECTED AS BEING HIGHLY QUALIFIED, BUT THIS IS NOT SPAM! THIS IS FREEDOM FROM DEBT - CUT YOUR MORTGAGE IN HALF WITH OUR AMAZING REMOTE-CONTROL PASTA POT. THIS OFFER IS FREE. YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO DELETE IT AT ANY TIME.
YOUR PILLS ARE BEING HELD IN AN INEXPENSIVE DIGITAL CABLE DESCRAMBLER BOX GUARDED BY TEENY TITS CARRYING EXPLOSIVE LOADS. THE LOWEST RATES ARE LOCKED IN, ALONG WITH YOUR FREE GIFT. THESE PILLS MUST BE TRANSFERED TO YOUR ACCOUNT USING A HAND-HELD ORGANIZER WHICH MAY BE OBTAINED FROM A FREE GOVERNMENT-AUCTION WEB SITE. BY VIEWING PHOTOS OF SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, INCLUDING HORNY WIVES, YOU CAN LOOK YOUNGER, LOSE WEIGHT, AND INCREASE YOUR STAMINA WHILE DRIVING PRE-QUALIFIED CUSTOMERS TO YOUR MULTILEVEL PROGRAM AND MAKE OVER $4000 PER MONTH GUARANTEED. THESE PILLS WILL NOT ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK 3” LONGER, THEY WILL GET RID OF YOUR FLEAS AND TICKS FOR GOOD! SIMPLY COPY ANY DVD TO YOUR FREE INTERNET DOMAIN AND BEGIN YOUR ANTI-AGING PROGRAM TODAY.
THE PLAN IS SIMPLE. YOU WILL USE NORTON SYSTEMWORKS (A $300 VALUE FOR ONLY $38.95) TO PURCHASE 37 MILLION SHARES OF TONER CORP STOCK. THEN YOU WILL MEET ME AT THE WORLD’S SMALLEST DIGITAL CAMERA WITH $30,000 IN CORAL CALCIUM. WARNING: DO NOT TAKE ANY HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE OR YOU WILL NOT QUALIFY FOR YOUR FREE GIFT. ONCE YOU RECONNECT WITH YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL FRIENDS, YOUR FREE CREDIT REPORT WILL BE SENT. WITH THIS REPORT, YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN ONLINE CASINO. ONCE INSIDE THE CASINO, YOU WILL SUBSCRIBE TO KARA’S FREE FAN CLUB, WHERE YOU WILL BE ENTERED IN A DRAWING TO PROTECT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. DO NOT FAIL TO DO THIS, OR I WILL REDUCE THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS BY THREE INCHES! KARA’S WEB SITE WILL POP UP 6,000 PAGES, ALL OF WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO CLOSE BY CLICKING THEM. FOR EACH ONE YOU CLICK, TWO MORE WILL APPEAR. YOUR FREE GOVERNMENT GRANT WILL THEN TAKE SIX INCHES OFF YOUR WAISTLINE. AFTER YOU COMPLETE YOUR ONLINE DEGREE (IN 8 MONTHS OR LESS), I WILL SEND YOU A HOT AMATEUR MP3 THAT WILL CONSOLIDATE YOUR DEBT USING ONLINE AUCTIONS. NOT EVEN CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, OR OPRAH WILL KNOW OUR SECRET!
N0W YOU WILL BE READY TO RECEIVE THE PILLS. YOU WILL USE THE AUCTION SITE TO FIRE YOUR BOSS AND CLAIM YOUR PORTABLE DVD PLAYER FROM THE SECRET ANTI-WRINKLE AGENT. NEXT, BOOST YOUR CELLULAR RECEPTION AND DRIVE OUR TEENY LOLITAS WILD WITH HUMAN PHEROMONES MADE FROM PRE-OWNED INKJET CARTRIDGES. YOU WILL TRADE THE PHEROMONES FOR A SINGLE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL FILLED WITH A FREE THIRTY-DAY SUPPLY, WHICH WILL ENLARGE YOUR PACKAGE EVEN FURTHER. THE HERBAL INGREDIENTS IN THIS PACKAGE WILL INCREASE YOUR REVENUE PROJECTIONS BY 3” AND CLEAN THE INNER WALLS OF YOUR INTESTINES. REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT A SLEEP REMEDY, THIS AMAZING PRODUCT TARGETS THE BACTERIA THAT ACTUALLY CAUSE SNORING!
OUR PSYCHICS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR ORDER. GIVE THEM YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER AND WAIT FOR THE BEEP. YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE ULTIMATE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH AND A FREE CREDIT CHECK. DEPOSIT THIS CHECK IN A PRE-APPROVED ACCOUNT, AND YOU WILL TAKE HOME 40% OF THE PILLS.
THIS IS A VERY SIMPLE TRANSACTION. THE RESULTS ARE GUARANTEED. THIS IS A COMPLETELY SECURE INVESTMENT. I HOPE YOU WILL HELP ME AND MY FAMILY AS WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED. PLEASE REPLY ASAP.
SINCERELY,
S0N OF SPAM
P.S., IF YOU WANT TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS MAILING LIST, SIMPLY GO TO WWW.UNSUBSCRIBE.COM
Damn!! NOW you warn me!!!! :P
Spam-o-lot!
I am in Portugal and my uncle is the king of Preuit. I can only obtain the 80 trillion dollars in earthly inheritance if you provide me with your checking account number and 7 cases of Fresca in two hours. Please also submit your sexual preference of blondes,brunettes or redheads as a 17 women harem will arrive to your front door properly in a crate in ten minutes if you send the money now.
my e-mail is youareatrillionaire.hotmail.com
Thanks, TS! How could I have forgotten the genius of lowbridge?
I replied and asked him to call me at my office at 202-324-3000
Don’t you just hate these scams. I mean, bottom feeders trying to profit from suckers.
Look, I am starting my own program, but I am honest, upfront and not running a dishonest scam.
“Adopt a Millionaire” is a new concept that I am launching today.
Yes, you can now adopt a Millionaire.
You simply send me $29.95 each month and I will become a Millionaire within weeks.
Each month you will receive updated photographs of your personal Millionaire, along with a status report outlining the wonderful vacations, exciting experiences and purchases made with you generous donations.
Not everyone can become a Millionaire, but you can still live the dream with my help. Through my eyes, you will see the world. You will find each day another adventure.... you will feel good inside and know that for your small donation, you will be able to hold onto my memories for a lifetime.
Please, know this in your heart. I will work around the clock to make your investment successful.
Remember, there are millions of people, just like you, that dream of being a Millionaire. Those folks will never realize their dream, but you, YOU will know that you have adopted a Millionaire. Ask yourself, how many lucky people can say THAT.
So, do it now. Immediately send me your first gift of $29.95 and receive your personalized photograph of your very own Millionaire.
“Senagal is a country? Crud! I thought he was talking about a town in Florida. I’ve been had.”
It’s a cold cruel world out there. You should have stayed an Augustinian Monk ;-)
I also replied and gave my highly secretive government phone number
1-800-867-5309
Ask for Jenny.
The Fresca might take some time.
Please revert with a kindly updated schedule.
All else is in readiness, see your email for complete information.
Thailand?
Can we forward it to the DUmmies or to the Kossacks?
What I’d like to do is zot that program that constantly redirects searches to another site or like here, when I do a refresh it pops to another site ... grrrrrrrr
There’s just way too much genius here....
Well, damn! I could really use the money!
I will give you some time on the Fresca. My e-mail is not working in the proper. Your shares of this inheritance will be $2,894,000 and eighty nine cents. Do you wish to take this further what is your choice of womens?
Ain't that the truth! The RNC would be smart to utilize some of the talent found on FreeRepublic. They could start by hiring Jim Thompson as a consultant.
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