EVERYONE is invited to Neener Hijacks. Even Anti-Neeners. :-)
1) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
2) Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
3) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
4) If you are driving a car at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Top 10 signs you are a redneck fishermen (Jeff Foxworthy)
10. You have more fish on your wall than pictures.
9. You’re raising catfish in your bathtub.
8. Your wife has earrings that you use as fishing lures.
7. You’ve ever combed your hair with a fish scaler.
6. You video tape fishing shows.
5. You received a tube of crickets as a wedding present.
4. You keep bait in your refrigerator.
3. Your boat hasn’t left your driveway in years.
2. You’ve used your fishing license as a form of I.D.
1. YOU HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S FISH.
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000’ the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, ‘by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,’ he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.
‘There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about my weekend!’
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"