We are so concerned about civilian casualties that the current ROE and tactics make us give up our big advantage.And worse than just ceding an advantage, the enemy is getting more and more proficient at using the ROE against us. For example, Taliban fighters will empty a rifle from a house, drop the weapon and walk out unarmed, knowing that they will not be fired upon, then go around the corner to another stockpile of rifles and take up a new position with a fresh rifle and full mags. It's sick.
The frustration of those whose experience is limited to small unit engagements is understandable.
In order to understand the evolution of COIN doctrine, I recommend you read Henry Liddell Hart's book Strategy: The Indirect Approach for a historical perspective; The U.S. Army/Marine Corps Counterinsurgency Field Manual [With Forewords by General David H. Petraeus and Lt. General James F. Amos and by Lt. Colonel John A. Nagl]; and FM 3-24.