Report: Save the Whales and They'll Save Us from Global Warming (ROFL)

American Thinker ^ | April 27, 2010 | Marc Sheppard

[jazusamo]

Need more proof that Global Warming is the problem to environmentalists’ solutions?  Take a whiff of this. 

Researchers from the Australian Antarctic Division have announced that increased whale excrement in our oceans could help fight global warming by encouraging the growth of carbon dioxide-consuming algae.  It seems the iron-rich droppings help spark blooms of phytoplankton, which in turn help regulate the oceans’ carbon sink capabilities.   

Researcher Steve Nicol claimed that a larger population of baleen whales in the Southern Ocean would do the trick, but admitted that just how much excrement it would take to have any significant impact remains unknown.   I suspect you’re way ahead of my response to that line, so I’ll save some typing.

But all manure is not created equal by greenie standards.  In fact, up until now, animal waste has been right up there with that of internal-combustion engines and coal-fired power plants on the environmentalists’ Feces List. 

Indeed, everyone from IPCC chairman Rajendra Pachauri to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) insists that the feces and farts emanating from (primarily raised for food) cows and pigs exacerbate global warming by nature of their high methane content.

So just when is animal dung good for the planet and when is it bad?

Were I a cynic, I’d question the apparent relationship between the green position on man’s interaction with a creature and the virtues of that which issues from its hind quarters.  Indeed, enviros would have us all refrain from consuming meat, and claim that the waste-products of the meat we eat are bad.  On the other hand, those same enviros implore us to stop killing whales, and their brown waste is suddenly green gold.

And talk about timing.  The whale-poo announcement comes just weeks prior to an International Whaling Commission meeting to consider new open-sea limit proposals that environmental groups believe would open the door to killing thousands of whales which have been protected for 25 years.   

Would someone please light a match?

[mlocher]

increased whale excrement in our oceans could help fight global warming by encouraging the growth of carbon dioxide-consuming algae. It seems the iron-rich droppings help spark blooms of phytoplankton, which in turn help regulate the oceans’ carbon sink capabilities.

Whales to crap to algae to phytoplankton. The other unmentioned piece of data is that some baleen whales eat plankton. To generate whale crap the whales are decimating the numbers of phytoplankton.

There, I proved it. Man does not cause global warming. WHALES cause global warming.

[Tublecane]

“I don’t recall whale dung being mentioned”

It wasn’t about dung in particular, but the same “whales will save the world” message was loud and clear.

“the threatening object was some huge cylinder that I likened to a tootsie roll.”

The rationale for travelling back in time was something like the cylinder had visited earth a long time ago and liked talking to whales, so it was pissed off when it came back and all the whales were gone. Which is a huge stretch to justify that old “save the whales” thing that the environmentalist love so much. If they wanted to propagandize, you’d think they could do a better job than saying “Watch out, centuries from now a giant, evil cylinder might not like what we’re doing.”

[jazusamo]

There, I proved it. Man does not cause global warming. WHALES cause global warming.

Without a doubt you proved it! KILL THE WHALES AND SAVE EARTH!!!

ROFL!

[Left2Right]

Nuke the Whales!

[Ancesthntr]

I remember reading once that dumping a lot of powdered iron in the ocean would increase the growth of algae, sucking up carbon. Apparently, you don't need Rosie O'Fatso with fins to crap all over the ocean floor to accomplish this goal.

But whales I imagine also give off huge smelly methane farts. Methane is a powerful greenhouse gas.

I'll bet that if you were in the vicinity of one of those "events" that you could die of asphyxiation. I also wonder if, when some drunken college guy lights the thing up, the resultant explosion would register as a nuke's fireball on the Vela 2 satellites?

[Ancesthntr]

Without a doubt you proved it! KILL THE WHALES AND SAVE EARTH!!!

I believe that the correct phrase is "NUKE THE WHALES!"

[jazusamo]

Yep! “Nuke the Whales” has a ring to it, it sings. :-)

[RatRipper]

Guess I’ll have to reconsider my saying that Rats are “lower than whale sh*t”.

Senator Levin, is this a sh*tty deal?????

[steelyourfaith]

 

Beam me to Planet Gore !

[Publius6961]

Wasn’t this sorta the plot of Star Trek 4?

It was implied, but as entertainment it was funny.

As global greenie policy, still funny, but bordering on scary and insane.