Posted on 06/07/2010 4:32:01 AM PDT by Chi-townChief
It's just a wasteful, reckless, unnecessary, ozone-destroying exercise
Last Sunday, they ran the Coca-Cola 600 and the Indianapolis 500. That's about 1,100 unnecessary miles of tire treads wearing thin.
My friends, auto racing is a road to nowhere.
Ten years into a new millennium, it's time to put the exhaust pipes into an antique shop. It's time we engage in a new age of enlightenment, recognize auto racing as obsolete and end the around-the-oval madness.
At the risk of being tossed out of the sports fraternity -- Who am I kidding? I was tossed out years ago; why do you think I sit at home alone watching the passing parade? -- let me suggest that, rather than continuing to be obsessed with ''higher, faster, stronger,'' we set our sights on smarter, kinder, better.
(I often look back on thriving ancient civilizations as a guidepost to proper living. And in 4th century B.C. China, you never heard. ''Gentlemen, start your rickshaws.'')
NASCAR has the carbon footprint of a brontosaurus.
This whole business of maintaining an industry on wasteful, reckless behavior -- we're talking technology not to build a better mousetrap but to simple create a faster race car --should be tossed into the junkyard.
(I realize some of you are saying, ''You think auto racing is irrelevant? Aren't you the guy who broadcasts poker on TV?'' Gosh, I hate when people say poker that way. Granted, poker is not helping solve the world's problems, but it isn't creating a hole in the ozone layer, and it keeps college kids from studying too much.)
This year, NASCAR decided to let its drivers race even more roughhouse to give fans more bang -- and banging -- for their buck. Robin Pemberton, NASCAR's vice president of competition, said they wanted to put racing ''back in the hands of the drivers, and we will say, 'Boys, have at it.'''
Boys, have at it?
That's like the National Rifle Association asking gun owners to be a little more trigger-happy.
Surely, the unruly behavior on the track translates to more aggressive driving on the roads. We're an imitative culture. Heck, if Danica Patrick started applying makeup on Turn 4 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday, there'd be a Revlon revolution on our interstates by Monday.
But the road rage NASCAR encourages is not nearly as indicting as the damage NASCAR wreaks on the planet.
If the Exxon Valdez was an environmental assassin, auto racing's a serial killer.
Forget ''Drill Baby Drill.'' How about ''Still Baby Still''?
Auto racing wastes hundreds of thousands of gallons of precious fossil fuel and adds tons of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere, contributing to global warming.
(Yeah, I know -- global warming doesn't exist. Then why do I wake up in a cold sweat every night in the dead of winter?)
And what do thousands of fans drive to a NASCAR race? Gas-thirsty RVs. This is like eating hot dogs before a hot dog-eating contest.
NASCAR cars average about 5 mpg. Even an armored Humvee gets 8 on the highways.
(To really waste fuel, why don't we race airplanes?)
In 1974, the Daytona 500 was actually the Daytona 450 --NASCAR cut its races that year by 10 percent in response to the energy crisis. But that was a public-relations gesture rather than a substantive solution.
It's time to put it in park.
In the interest of the greening of America, we should replace stock- car races with three-legged races. This kills two sparkplugs with one stone: It's better for the environment, and it's better for physical fitness.
Besides, I think everyone should walk to work.
Someone please involuntarily commit these leftist morons to insane asylums. The weird thing is that they take themselves seriously. Such moonbat loons.
That's why I'm glad I'm not a satirist. The best satire used to carry individual and societal flaws to an extreme to highlight those problems. Today, the only way to distinguish the two is that satire cannot quite cross the line into absurdity, while reality normally does for liberals.
A true liberal believes that all professional sports should banned for the good of the planet. The fuel that’s burned by race cars is a tiny fraction of the fuel that’s burned by spectators going to all sporting events.
But if all pro sports were banned, Norman “Hanging” Chad would be out of a job.
So, being the idiot and hypocrite that he is, he selectively calls for banning only auto racing.
And like most liberals, Chad surely believes that auto racing fans are knuckle dragging rednecks anyway, so he gives his elitist ego an extra little boost by knocking them.
Now I know why socialistic countries have almost no form of large scale auto racing events. They have idiots trying to equalize everyone right down to the size of the daily garlic and beet rations, can’t have people grouping in mass of course either, that free will thing can’t exist in either an Islamic or Communist country.
Air conditioning the halls of Congress should cease immediately to save the ozone, members should have their toilet paper rationed to save trees and members should have only smart cars or Segues to get to and from their offices. Let Congress lead by example.
What a homo.
I personally don’t enjoy NASCAR, but I don’t want it to be banned.
>My friends, auto racing is a road to nowhere.
But a bunch of tall steroid dudes throwing a ball into a hoop over and over again is the path to the future, right?
And don't forget all the trees they murder every day.
I am in full agreement with you. The least NASCAR could do is change their name. There is nothing Stock about the cars they are racing.
They are not allowed to race.If someone comes up with a faster car they find out why and then restrict them. That aint racing.
Iowahawk is soooo much better at carcasm than this assclown.
Iowahawk is soooo much better at sarcasm than this assclown.
This guy could do his part in reducing greenhouse gases, if he’d just shut his pie hole and quit breathing.
I know, and many are probably endangered species.
In short, another typical lib sportswriter. Big Media is full of them. Since I was a kid many moons ago, the sportswriting profession has been transformed from people who wrote about sports to wiseacres who write about liberal-agenda driven screeds with sports a secondary consideration. He could write about any major sport as a waste of fuel if he felt like it. They all "waste" fuel and resources. But of course, this nut wants to save the planet. Spare us.
Precisely. If you added up all the emissions from people traveling to any major event and teams flying everywhere, I’d bet you’d find the actual emissions from the race cars itself are miniscule.
We’d be better off shutting down Hollywood entirely. We’d save far more emissions and avoid the horrible cultural pollution they inflict on us. And we would have no anxiety and guilt-ridden stars to cudgel us with their holier-than-thou views. That would be far better for the nation.
He sure writes like one.
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