I am a 42 yr old straight woman in the process of divorce. I would have loved for my husband to take over the finances. He however thought that his job was done after going to work all day. I was in charge of holding a job, outside of the home, paying the bills even though he was in the habit of spending money that we did not have, raising the kids and running them everywhere, keeping up the housework, and I even went back to school and earned my BSIT. What he wanted out of me was for me to do all of these things and get a better paying job than he had so he could stay home. And even if he had stayed home I probably would have had to do the above mentioned things. He was also mentally abusive, and sorry to say but that is most of the time worse than physical abuse.
He was raised in a family that had a very strong father and a mother that worked all of the time to support the family also. He saw himself as the head of the family and we all had to do things exactly as he wanted them. So where does he fit in in all of this?
That’s a control freak, not a husband. He has emotional/psychological issues.
Deanna, I wouldn’t give his stories much creedence. My fiancee’s late husband gave her the same schtick. He was uneducated, had a GED but did mostly manual labor jobs. He got into pain medication then the anti-depressants, next thing she knows, he’s a lump on the couch and she’s working 50 hours weeks. When she wasn’t home, he would go drain the bank account at strip clubs. Her credit was devastated, and she had had enough.
Strong figurehead households usually generate motivated, well-mannered children. Even having one parent acting as the figurehead yields positive results. Based on your story, I would bet he was either abused as a child or his father was abusive to his mother thus he thought it was acceptable to do so.
See, what happens is that men put on facades to lure in the women. They come off as the innocent aloof jock or the sheltered but attractive bookworm. Once you’re lured into their web, they start to rely on you for more and more. They stop doing the dishes, the laundry, then yardwork, home maintenance, you get the point. The longer you allow them to siphon off of you, the more empowered they become. You did the right thing by leaving him. No one deserves to be abused like that. My step-father did that to my mother, and I learned what NOT to do in a relationship by observation.
These men, deep down, are cowards. Spousal abusers usually control the entire household. They’re imposing, loud, and they’re incredibly rough with the handling of the kids and the wife. They use their size to their advantage. Physically smaller men use more devious means through emotional and mental torture and abuse. They find the low self-esteemed women and feed off of their misery. It’s really sick.
Heterosexual marriages are prone to abuse just as much as homosexual relationships, but I believe the mature adults among us understand conflict resolution and have loving relationships with our spouses. Homosexuals are usually in it for the physical. As soon as that’s gone, they’ve lost access to the focus of their perversion, and they start to see their partner for the pitiful, loathsome human being he or she is.