Posted on 11/30/2010 7:23:49 AM PST by SeekAndFind
Prager needs to come down on the side of abuse or nurture. No waffling....
More and more I think that we've been doing virtually everything wrong for the past 50 years (more, really). Probably doing it wrong on purpose, too -- witness the famous Communist Party goals of 1963.
Encourage kids to have self-confidence and self-respect, THEN things will turn out fine, while at the same time, teaching self-reliance realistically for their age.
Good post. Glad he also mentioned the need for parents to continue to love their kids. There’s got to be a way for parents to make sure their kids know they love them while still keeping them humble.
And perhaps it isn't. "Self esteem" means spit without accomplishments.
I'd rather my kids/grandkids/greatgrandkids had self-respect than self-esteem. With the former, they can earn the latter. With both, they can go far, but there will be substance behind the smile. With just the latter, they will live in a house of cards.
Now, we need to get back to letting our kids do things, accomplish real goals, and reward them with the responsibility that breeds self-respect.
“...‘the most radical humanist in the Legislature.’” ...”
N ways on the road to stupidity and this loon successfully chose two of them.....
Prager does not understand the gospel; he’s Jewish.
You did a great job posting this article. Really great. You are probably the best poster I have ever met. We should go get ice cream to celebrate your posting success.
It’s an extension of THE pernicious lie -
“people are basically good.”
No, they’re not. People without restraint are dangerous, self-serving feral savages.
Teaching CHARACTER and self-control are important.
Self-esteem only feeds the prideful entitlement nature inherent to humankind.
Self-respect is a good deal more valuable than self-esteem.
I teach my kids self-esteem. I want them to be proud of themselves where justified. They know that good behavior and honest work bring praise, and that builds their self-esteem. And they know the reverse.
The problem comes with attempting to build self-esteem even when there is no behavioral justification for the praise. That results in kids who think anything they do is okay, and that bad actions don’t have negative consequences.
“And perhaps it isn’t. “Self esteem” means spit without accomplishments.”
Nail on head.
The problem with the “self-esteem” worshipers is that these kids get a false sense of self from all the hollow praise. This sets them up for an incredible trauma when they get out into the cruel, real world.
Those are the lucky ones. Tough knocks, delusions come down hard, and then there is the absence of trust for every person involved in telling them how great they were when they weren't.
They can recover, but it's tough, and they often are filled with contempt for those who led them down the primrose path.
Others decide they 'deserve' better, and they are 'owed' that, often with a criminal outcome.
Either way, it is more destructive than pulling a kid aside and saying "you aren't very good at this. Would you like to get better?"
Kids can be fooled, but an awful lot of them won't be, they'll just think the adults are stupid.
I’m having a problem with the “humble” part. One of my kids is very well-behaved and very successful in school. She’s very proud of herself, and quite deservedly so. But that’s just her opinion of herself; she doesn’t use it to think she’s superior to other kids. She freely admits one kid in her class is better in school than her, but her response isn’t to be humble and accept that he’s better. She just decided she’ll work harder to be #1 herself. Nothing against him, she just wants to be the best.
So, while I recognize humility is a good thing, I’m wondering how much I need to try to work that in here. Her lack of humility isn’t causing any problems.
I love this post!! Love it!
I’ve always said that ONLY accomplishment builds real self esteem. What the author is talking about isn’t self esteem, actually, but self importance. Telling a child that they are wonderful because they went to school that day builds a sense in them that they are “wonderful” just how they are, without having accomplished a thing.
You are so correct, the real world will teach them lessons that we failed to teach them and they will have no armour at all.
Your daughter is EARNING her self esteem. That’s what he’s talking about.
I am constantly amazed at how perceptive kids are. One of mine didn't like Obama from the first speech she saw. I didn't bias her beforehand, she just instinctively didn't trust him. Another saw right through the BS at the school DARE anti-drug presentation. It probably helps that I purposely have built up their BS detectors over the years, trying to fool them (in funny ways of course). It's hard to fool them now.
my son played in the youth soccer league. they gave everyone some kind of medal for participation aside from the league winners trophy. this made my son look at me and say “guess we got the hey you suck but it’s ooookaaay award”.
he quit playing when he got in to jrotc. that year he earned a bunch of ribbons and an award. this year more ribbons and a huge surprise of two awards from the american legion. these are the ones he treasures and displays in his room. the participation medals from soccer? stuffed in a box under the bed.
The Tortoise and the Hare ~
A perfect lesson, it would seem.
One has humble confidence ~
The other, selfish-steam.
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