A lot of your ivf arguments can be applied to other fertility treatments too. What about someone taking ovulation drugs even when she knows she has a higher than average chance of miscarriage? So on average any child conceived only has fifty perent chance of being born? What about couples who have to take medication and carefully time things to try to conceive, does that make their child a commodity too?
I think there are a number of issues with ivf that are immoral but that those prctices could be changed. Don’t create extra embyros. Don’t abort if there are “too many”. It’s a technology and what you do with it determines whether it is good or evil.
I am a Catholic. While the Church’s judgment concerning in-vitro fertilization treatments may appear cruel and unfair, it is not. Children are a gift, not an entitlement. The Church teaches that marriage does not confer upon the spouses the right to have a child, but only the right to perform those natural acts which are per se ordered to procreation. A true and proper right to a child would be contrary to the child’s dignity and nature. The child is not an object to which one has a right, nor can he be considered as an object of ownership: rather, a child is a gift, "the supreme gift" (58) and the most gratuitous gift of marriage, and is a living testimony of the mutual giving of his parents. For this reason, the child has the right, as already mentioned, to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents; and he also has the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception. (Instruction on Respect for Human Life 8)
If you can step back from the emotions and look at IVF through rational eyes, you begin to see the wisdom behind the church's teaching on this topic. To appreciate how far science will go to accommodate those who desire children, consider the following - a true scenario. About 10 years ago, a British paper reported on a new scientific development that would be 'cutting edge' for infertile couples. The scientific community was able to cull eggs from an aborted female fetus. The plan was to store these for use by infertile couples. Mercifully, psychologists intervened, attesting that society was not yet ready to handle the potential psychological problems for children born from this technique.
As an adoptee and adoptive parent, I can assure you that ALL children, be they adopted or natural born, have a 'normal and natural' desire to learn more about their biological origins. This usually manifests itself during the teen years. The same is true for children conceived through other means. Imagine the plight of the child conceived through the above procedure learning that their biological mother had never been born. Imagine, for a moment, that this was your situation.
We live in a narcissistic society where "my" wants preclude the "needs" of others and that is truly sad.