I totally agree. Here is the weird part - she was conservative. Officer in the local GOP, active together in politics. We were perfect for each other really. But, looking back now I see things that I could never have seen before because they were so subtle at the time. They look glaring now.
I’ll boil it down this way: some women want a man and some women want a man to care about them (and vice versa). They’re very similar and hard to distinguish, but the women who want a man to care about them are the ones you want. They’re holding out for the real thing. The other kind have a tendency to always be looking for the best deal they can get.
Now that my eyes are opened, I can discern the difference much easier by picking up on clues they send out whether they know it or not. It’s a much more secure, positive feeling. That and realizing that although I like my life, there are areas I want to improve on before getting involved again. Being settled and being where and who you want to be is a great buffer and leverage in keeping your spirits up when someone tries to burn you.
I am a firm believer that we learn something very valuable with each relationship (good or bad). The bad ones keep us pondering a bit while the wounds are fresh. How could I have been so wrong, so stupid, so trusting? I think we tend to beat ourselves up a lot more than we should. That being said, we learn. Oh boy, do we learn. We learn especially that while in the relationship, we are blind to some bad things that other friends/family see very clearly. If they are close friends and family AND you are open to what they see... we get a glimpse into a behaviors we can’t see. I have a very close friend who got divorced about three years ago. She was just astonished that after the separation, people close to her told her that they never liked him, trusted him etc... When she looked back, she wished that she had been less defensive about him while they were dating. Just life I guess.
Its not you it’s them. Correction some women want a man they are compatible with and some women want a man to control. Congrats you failed to be controlled. Chin up chest out women out there will fall into the same two categories. If you cant find one just try them all.