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As I write this column, Gov. Perry has been a presidential candidate for less than a week, and he has already been caught in at least one screaming lie and one statement so outrageous that only a certified tea bagger — or South Carolina GOPer — could not be offended.

In one campaign stop he said he does not believe in manmade global climate change (as if his belief had anything to do with it) and went on to say that "hardly a day goes by" that some scientist is not caught faking data to support the global warming argument.

In fact, no scientist has been caught faking climate data and only the fools who live in the Fox News bubble could believe such a lie. But there are thousands of such people in this state, and they will be laying palmetto branches in front of Rick Perry's bus.

Suggested lampoon:

As I write this missive from my stately writing room, Governor Perry has been a presidential candidate for less than a week, and he has already been caught in one howler that everyone I know knows is a screaming lie! It was a statement so outrageous that only a certified trailer-park hick of a teabagger — or the dumber kind of taxpayer — could not be roused into high dudgeon, whups, I mean be offended.

In one campaign stop he said he does not believe in climate change - whups, I mean manmade global climate change (as if his skepticism had anything to do with our global sense of certitude and righteousness) and went on to say that "hardly a day goes by" that some scientist is not caught faking data to support the global warming argument. Or something like that around the quotes; I know you trust me to get it right.

In fact, there's been no such thing as Climategate and our hero Phil Jones was never asked to step aside from anything! Michael Mann was so innocent, his university roundly scoffed at the idea of even opening an investigation! Only fools of the Fox News sort could believe in a lie like 'Climategate'! They and twerps who like to sniggle throgh snippets of computer code that can mean anything. But there are thousands of such people in this state, and they will be laying palmetto branches in front of Rick Perry's bus as if her were a real hero like Price Charles - oops, I mean Al Gore.

Grated that it's crude; I wasn't much a a humour writer in my prime and I'm rusty. But it should steer a good lampooner in the right direction.