Right-to-die grandmother has 'do not resuscitate' TATTOO on her chest (UK)

FULL TITLE: Right-to-die grandmother has 'do not resuscitate' TATTOO on her chest (and PTO inked on her back!)

A grandmother who wants doctors to let her die if she falls ill has had 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattooed across her chest - and 'PTO' on her back.

Joy Tomkins, 81, decided she did not want to be brought back to life in a medical emergency following the slow death of her husband Malcolm.

The mum-of-two, who is not terminally ill, visited a tattoo parlour in January this year and paid £5 to have 'Do Not Resuscitate' written across her chest to ensure that doctors respect her 'right to die'.

Mrs Tomkins has also had 'PTO' and an arrow inked onto her back so that paramedics will read the words on her chest if she collapses face first.

The grandmother-of-six, who suffers from arthritis, Reynaud's disease and diabetes, said yesterday that she does not want to endure a slow, lingering death. She said: 'I do not want to be half dead, I want to be fully dead. It might have been different when I was 51 but I am 81 now.

'Everybody has to die sometime but I do not want to end up as a vegetable. I hoped I would get away at 70 but I'm still happy to be alive now.

'I am afraid that the medical profession will, with the best of medical intentions I hope, keep me alive when I don't want to be alive.

'I dont want to lie for hours, months or even years before dying. I don't want my family to remember me as a lump.

I am a retired nurse and it isn't hard at all, its respect for the patients wishes....I remember one patient we brought back (an elderly lady) and when the attending came in he ordered all IV’s removed....Head nurse said not until you write the order...doctor wrote the order grudgingly..There was no DNR on the patients chart...DNR orders in the last hospital I worked at needed not only the patients signature but also witness sign....my oldest son signed at his grandpa's request. My father was headed for surgery.

It is good for you to stand by what your daughter says....I think a respect for another persons request if they don't want to be coded is doing your job.

..I have had sadness when my patient was a 7 year old boy dying of brain cancer. His mother came in every night to rock him tho he was in a coma...I told her that when I was taking care of him and talking to him, he smiled at me......she said he smiled at her every time she sang him a song.....

Do you think that was easy? Holding another mothers hand while the doctor told her that her daughter had Wilms tumor and would probably not reach the age of 6. Was that easy....I took the mother into clean utility room to let out her sorrow and tears, just stood by her and held her hand.....

But any nurse that gets all emotional and weepy while on the job is a useless nurse....she is too involved emotionally and needs some course on empathy not emotions and sympathy....

For some death is the outcome no matter what you do....its a part of life...once in a while a patient you take care of never leaves your thoughts. The 2 children I write about was during my employment at Pontiac General Hospital....being a city hospital...we had everything from police prisoners to junkies and my 2 pediatric patients I wrote about.....You allow a patient or family member to vent and listen with compassion, they don't need your pity, just your willingness to really listen to what they are going through...

I also nursed my mother in my home when she was terminal from multiply myloma that had spread ;to her spinal cord and she was a paraplegic...I wasn't taking care of my mother at the time, she was my patient or I would not have been able to take care of her......When her foley cathater had to be replaced, could you spread your mothers legs and using sterile process insert a new one......if I didn't think of her as my patient, I would not have been able to do that.....She was my mother after I did all the treatments that had to be done and the rest of the day I took care of her and my 5 children.....

You did sound a little judgement on my remark. But thats OK I have seen and done more than you have for the ill. The ones that go home and the one's that go down to the morgue....

This whole subject was based on your implying that its easy for me to watch someone die....it was you, trying to make me out to be someone that might like to "see" someone die.....I don't remember ever "watching" someone die...Once a patient is pronouced dead by the doctor, your job switches from trying to save a life to preparing the body for the family to view after the doctor talks with them....nurse's don't stand around and "watch" someone die. At terminal stage of a persons life, the family is usually surrounding the patient. They have the sad position of the "watch". The nurse is available if any family member wants to talk about the loved one.

I have never heard a fellow nurse talk about how hard it is to watch someone die. We don't stand around and "Watch" I have not been more important in this life than you as you assumed I said...I have more experience at being a nurse than you. Hope your daughter stays in the profession. Bless her, its not an easy job but has its rewards but also has a large "burn out" numbers and is nothing like it is portrayed on TV. Thank you for the remark that I am a old goat....LOL but it was not too original... I am old. your right on that...

I think maybe you have a reading comprehension problem. My original statement was this:

My daughter is a nurse and tells me that even when it is the wish of the patient, it is very hard to stand by and allow them to expire.

Your reply: I am a retired nurse and it isn't hard at all, its respect for the patients wishes….

My response: Perhaps it is easy for you to watch someone die, I stand by what my daughter said - it is hard to stand back and not do anything, even if it is the wish of the patient.

Now you decide I attacked you, when you said this idiotic statement: You did sound a little judgement on my remark. But thats OK I have seen and done more than you have for the ill.

You don’t know me – have no idea what I do or have done in my life and you still want to whine that I have attacked you in some way? Sheesh –

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