I’ve said since the early 1970’s that men and women both want freedom and security, but there is a huge divide.
I’ve heard tell that if you have two men who’s first three priorities are Family, health and career, that the order in which they place those priorities can make them completely different ment. I believe it’s true. The man who orders them Family, health, career will be a completely different person than one who orders them career, health family. For the latter, don’t expect him to be at the kids little league games. For the former, don’t expect him to claw his way to the top while watching said games.
And to the topic at hand, women value security over freedom and autonomy over their own life. men value freedom over security.
To quote GK Chesterson:
“The free man owns himself. He can damage himself with either eating or drinking; he can ruin himself with gambling. If he does he is certainly a damn fool, and he might possibly be a damned soul; but if he may not, he is not a free man any more than a dog.”
Notice he said “man”, and not “woman”.
***I’ve said since the early 1970’s that men and women both want freedom and security, but there is a huge divide.***
You’re right. Women are inherently more vulnerable (physically smaller and weaker) and children make us a thousand times more so.
I was raised primarily by a single mom. (Had a string of ‘daddies’ that didn’t do me any good.) I was raised in fear and poverty. It was not a nice place to be. My poor mom was under constant stress and lived in ‘survival mode’ for my entire childhood. It made me grow up very fast.
I figured out that I needed two things to not live my life in terror: An education and a good husband. ‘Love’ was not enough for me.
As a matter of fact, I was so mistrustful of romantic love that if a guy was pouring on the ‘goo-goo’ crap, I’d run the other way.
Right after my 19th birthday I made a list of all the qualities that my future mate had to possess in one column and qualities that he could not have in another. I’d go out on a date with a guy then, after the date, go through the list. If I found that he was lacking a positive quality or had a negative one, that was the end of it. I wouldn’t date him any more. It usually took no more than 3 dates before the truth came out and I was NOT forgiving on these points.
When I met my husband, I remember being shocked at the end of every date to find that he still held up to the list. Our courtship was about as romantic as a friendly job interview. It took me about a month before I felt like I knew him well enough to trust that he really was that great of a guy - and only then did I allow myself to begin to fall in love with him.
I was motivated by fear to do all of this. I’d grew up in the alternative and I had too many friends in the same position. I’d once heard that the first and more important decision that I’d make as a mother, was choosing their father wisely and I took that to heart.
My daughter has been floundering with these concepts. for a long time she still put romantic love and attraction first. I told her that you needed to have an attraction, but that a woman is capable of being attracted to many men. She needs to sift through those to chose the best one. After getting singed a few times, she’s finally starting to wise up and now her list is now more picky than mine.
Because my mother never took government assistance, I don’t think it ever occurred to me to turn to the government as a source of support. It wasn’t a point for pride for her, it just wasn’t an option that she ever considered. You worked as hard as you can, never turned down an opportunity to make a buck, scraped, dug through garbage cans, and did your best to survive.
Thus she managed to raise a die-hard conservative who lives a very traditional life and values traditional marriage above all else.
But what’s a woman to do if her man fails her and she has children? She has to turn to *someone* for help and support.