I have never heard that story about Algore. Reference? I’d be inclined to dismiss it as an urban legend. Or did he perhaps go astray in Rock Creek Park. It would be possible to get turned around in Rock Creek Park north of the zoo and end up walking a lot farther than intended. This is near but not adjacent to the VP’s mansion. That said, one can’t really get lost in Rock Creek Park; keep going down and you hit Beach Drive along the creek or one of the access roads, or climb up, which will put you in a city neighborhood. I suppose you could then be “lost” in the same way you can be lost in any unfamiliar part of any city.
I remember that incident as well as I remember when Al and Billy Goat were touring Monticello and gazing at the busts of George Washington and Thomas Madison, stupid asked “And who are those gentlement?” The next scene showed Billy turning away and looking at the ceiling.
Now here’s a hot piece of news on the fatuous Gore:
Al Gore Addicted to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
By Mark Donahue
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – Tipper Gore broke her silence this week and opened up about her divorce from former Vice President Al Gore. In an interview with Vibe magazine, Tipper shocked many people close to the family when she disclosed startling details of Al Gore’s predilection for kinky sex. According to the article, husband Al’s metamorphosis from political superstar to super-freak began fairly recently.
“Al began to request unorthodox sexual favors a couple of years ago,” Tipper recalled. “In the beginning I used to react with revulsion, but my therapist taught me that my reactions were having an adverse impact on Al’s self-esteem. With practice I learned to deny his requests while cloaking my disgust with a benign smile.”
Mrs. Gore talked about the first time she encountered her husband participating in actions that she was not accustomed to.
“I’d been out all day shopping and everybody knows how shopping can just zap you of your strength. This was back when Al’s global warming scare tactics really started paying off. I mean, it was like money was falling from the sky! So my shopping sprees were pretty elaborate and physically taxing. Anyway, I left my purchases with our driver while I ran to the kitchen to get some United Nations Approved mineral water and imported sustainable caviar. I opened the door to the pantry and screamed as I fell back against the wall! Al was sitting on the floor dressed as a priest with a plastic bag on his head! This was back when Al was really fat! The plastic was wrapped really tight around his big head and his eyes were bulging and…and I just lost it!”
The Daily Rash was the first to break the news of Al Gore dressing like a priest, listening to people’s confessions and building an ark. Tipper spoke about the first year of her husband’s confession fascination.
“He used to plead for me to confess to him. Beg me to reveal something I’d never told anyone. I didn’t understand any of it! The priest get-up, his fervent desire to hear strangers confess to him. Here was the former vice president of the United States traveling around the world dressed up as a priest! He began frequenting third world countries, venturing into very poor areas and using $5 bills to bribe people to confess. The whole thing frightened me and drove a stake into the heart of our love. Our relationship had deteriorated to such a point that we didn’t even phone each other from separate parts of our large houses anymore!”
[Auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA) is the practice of cutting off the blood supply to the brain through self-applied suffocation methods while masturbating. Oxygen deficiency in the brain is thought to intensify sensations, producing feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness, or exhilaration that can heighten the orgasmic experience.]
Mrs. Gore said she thinks the unorthodox sexual stuff began after Al Gore began obsessing about getting Tiger Woods to confess to him.
“Al was in Thailand seeking confessions from peasants in small villages when David Carradine asphyxiated himself to death in Bangkok. I was not aware at the time of Al’s insatiable intrigue with that event. It was just a few months later he became obsessed with the Tiger Woods spectacle. He even neglected his global warming scare tactics to read and watch everything about Tiger’s mistresses! He spent an entire month locked in his room watching Tiger stories on TV.”
A close confidante of Mrs. Gore spoke to The Daily Rash on condition of anonymity.
“In the early days, Mr. Gore’s sexual peccadilloes were not so much shocking as they were pitiful. You know, his preoccupation with Bill and Monica. I heard Mrs. Gore yelling one night at her husband to “Get away from me with that cigar you Freak!”
Tipper refused to comment on the recent headlines about her husband’s affair with Laurie David.
“I wish my husband the best in whatever mess he finds himself in. I just want to ask the media to go easy on him. He’s tried so hard his entire life to be liked. Here’s a man who’s been a senator and the vice president of the United States! He’s won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Academy award and the Nobel Peace Prize! And now, after successfully convincing millions that because of global warming they are going to die agonizing deaths, he spends all his time alone in a room with his plastic bags and his confessions!”
A Huffington Post insider told The Daily Rash that Al Gore has denied all of his wife’s accusations in an upcoming blog on the site.
“He denies everything unequivocally. But he does add that if any of it were true, he wants to assure everyone that he would be using recyclable plastic bags.”