Skip to comments.Blame the Sexual Revolution, Not Men
Posted on 10/28/2011 5:09:34 AM PDT by Kaslin
Kate Bolick stares out at the world from the cover of The Atlantic magazine. She's wearing a black lace evening dress. "What, Me Marry?" asks the headline. She isn't smiling.
In fact, she isn't smiling in any of the photos that accompany her several thousand-word essay on singleness, marriage and the changing nature of dating and mating in America today. Bolick, 38, is groping toward accepting the idea that she may never marry. She badly wants to convince herself -- and us -- that older ideas about "unhappy" spinsters are silly cultural baggage best dropped off at the curb. And yet, there are those glamour shots -- Bolick behind the wheel wearing a fetching red dress; Bolick in a gold evening gown holding a glass of champagne; Bolick in a black cocktail dress -- but her expressions range from pensive to sad -- never happy.
Bolick seems genuinely conflicted about marriage. The daughter of a committed feminist, she marched off to third grade "in tiny green or blue T-shirts declaring: A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE." She recalls that when she was cuddling in the back seat of the family car with her high school boyfriend, her mother turned around and asked, "Isn't it time you two started seeing other people?" She took it for granted, she writes, "that (I) would marry, and that there would always be men (I) wanted to marry."
So sure was she of the limitless romantic opportunities available that at the age of 28, she broke up with a wonderful boyfriend. They had been together for three years. He was "an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind." Why did she discard him? "Something was missing."
Ten years later, she writes somewhat (though not entirely) ruefully "If dating and mating is in fact a marketplace . . . today we're contending with a new 'dating gap,' where marriage-minded women are increasingly confronted with either deadbeats or players."
There is a great deal of interesting data in this piece. According to the Pew Research Center, 44 percent of Millennials and 43 percent of Gen Xers think marriage is becoming obsolete. As of 2010, women held 51.4 percent of all managerial and professional positions, compared with 26 percent in 1980. Women account for the lion's share of bachelors and masters degrees, and make up a majority of the work force. Three quarters of the jobs lost during the recession were lost by men. "One recent study found a 40 percent increase in the number of men who are shorter than their wives." Fully 50 percent of the adult population is single, compared with 33 percent in 1950.
But these trends, however interesting, shed only an oblique light on the problem of the decline in marriageable males. Bolick edges closer to the truth in her discussion of sex.
"The early 1990s," she writes, "witnessed the dawn of the '"hookup culture"' at universities, as colleges stopped acting in loco parentis (actually they relinquished that role in the 1970s) and undergraduates . . . started throwing themselves into a frenzy of one-night-stands." Some young women, she notes, felt "forced into a promiscuity they didn't ask for," whereas young men "couldn't be happier."
According to economist Robert H. Frank, "when available women significantly outnumber men . . . courtship behavior changes in the direction of what men want." And vice versa. If there's a shortage of women, the females have more power to demand what they want, which tends to be (surprise!) monogamy. On college campuses, women outnumber men by 57 to 43 percent.
But economic analysis can take you only so far. Men's capacity to insist upon promiscuity rests completely on female cooperation. And women have been foolishly compliant for decades.
They've conspired in their own disempowerment, not because they love their sexual freedom (though a few may), but because people like Gloria Steinem and Ms. Bolick's mother convinced them that the old sexual mores, along with marriage and children, were oppressive to women.
The resulting decline of marriage has been a disaster for children, a deep disappointment to reluctantly single women and unhealthy for single men, who are less happy, shorter-lived and less wealthy than married men. The sexual revolution has left a trail of destruction in its wake, even when its victims don't recognize the perpetrator.
Aside from publishing P.J. O’Rourke, what has “The Atlantic” ever contributed to regular people’s lives? I’m sorry that urban Yankee feminists aren’t happy, I suppose ... but they could move South, act like ladies, and go to church, if they wanted better potential outcomes.
I saw the pics of Kate Bolick, and as they might say down South “she’s kinda homely”.
A reflection of her inner self no doubt.
Ten Reasons to NOT Get Married
(I don’t agree with these but did find them amusing. Marriage is a horrible deal legally in America for most men absent a pre-nup.
Divorce judges (excuse me, family judges — actually anti-family in reality) are overwhelmingly female. The entire legal system is anti-male. For example, a married woman who hides cheating successfully can get a man on the hook for child support even if the baby isn’t his.)
I had a bachelor Uncle, who dated a lot of women. Never married because he was too selfish to share his life or his wealth with any woman. As he grew older he complained about every little illness or pain in his effort to get attention.
The more he complained the less anyone cared. With neither a wife or children he was a lonely old man. When he died no one really cared, except at the reading of his will.The last few years of his life he lived in a motel, he had sold his home when he could no longer care for it.
This woman has friends now who will die out on her, she has no kids and no one who really loves her, If she lives long enough she will be a lonely old woman.She has lived a selfish life and will die a lonely death.She is to be pitied.
Marriage in spite of what this woman believes is not all about sex, it’s about love. I have been married for 48 going on 49 years,the only thing that will end my marriage is death.
Oooh, you’re right. What a grouch-face.
The narcissism that prevails today, the sense of sexual entitlement along with the me, me, me, ideation....absolutely precludes the idea of marriage, fidelity, children, sacrifice.
Not much of a surprise.
Top Ten Reasons Why American Women Suck
1) Selfish - to the point where they don’t know the difference between love of self and plain downright greed—and drilled into believing that whatever happens is the fault of whatever man is in their life because of the feminist crud drilled into them by the cadre of asexual closet cases called “therapists” who appear on “Ricki”, “Oprah” or other such electronic drivel
2) Deluded - into thinking they “deserve” a rich, model-handsome husband who will “take them away from all of this”—whatever the “this” might be—and leading to resentment when they discover that the universe does NOT revolve around them
3) Angry - ALL the damn time about things which are so far out of their control as to be nonsensical—and constantly wanting to “discuss” this mind numbing drivel ad nauseam
4) Psychotic - multiple personalities in the same woman - as “Nomad” put it in the “Star Trek” episode: “Woman...a mass of inconsistencies...”, and also when the feminist voices in their heads start with the regrets and victim acculturation
5) Worthless - anything that does not immediately resolve itself in her favor or to her benefit is meaningless to her, especially husband and family
6) Lazy - drilled into their head that they “deserve” a maid, nanny and personal slave to take care of every detail - and that their husband/boyfriend is REQUIRED to cater to their each and every mindless whim
7) Resentful - especially of other women who have things that they do not, in material, spiritual and esoteric senses
8) Greedy - to them, “housekeeping” means getting the house in the divorce (thanks to Zsa Zsa for that immortal line) and sucking the guy for every last cent, even if they had nothing to do with the building of the nest egg
9) Mindless - constant, irritating, idle prattle about topics they read about in some women’s magazine and then become instant experts—particularly pop psychology and the latest crap they see on “Oprah” or “Ricki”
10) Vain - believing that they are irresistible to everything in pants and therefore are allowed to behave sluttish and without any honor
That’s not the point of the article! Point is, feminism has destroyed the happiness of millions by persuading women to screw around randomly.
I don’t feel sorry for feminists when they complain about the intended consequences of their movement.
Money quote, right there! As an undergrad from 1998-2002, I can attest that the glut of women on a majority of college campuses means "open season" for horny boys. Unfortunately, I was just every girl's good friend.
That being said, women are now and have always been in complete control of their bodies. If they want to give up the goat without so much as a bat of the lashes and a hello, they can thank the feminist revolution for that. On the other hand, they can also thank the glut of "players" on the market on the feminist revolution as well.
The Atlantic has the occasional worthwhile article, but mostly it´s predictable liberal cant.
On the actual issue, I´d say that the winners and losers (on the male side) from the sexual revolution can be subdivided into a couple of camps:
Alpha males, I.e. sexually desirable males who know how to navigate the new sexual marketplace (I.e. men who have “game”).
Beta males, I.e. run-of-the mill men who are not quite adept at navigating the new sexual marketplace (including those poor men who actually buy into the feminist cant).
Needless to say, civilization loses out bigtime. As do most women, as feminism has the side effect of actually diminishing the supply of desirable men for women.
Charlotte Allen had a good piece on the new sexual system over at the Weekly Standard last year:
I believe that is pretty much the point the article made, sans the moving south. Promiscuity had led to the decline in marriage, was the gist of the article. I have my own opinions as to why feminism has led to the decline in marriage but will refrain from stating them here.
I survived two bad marriages with women who wanted it both ways, their femenist perks and a dependable income to allow them to self-realize, and was able to rescue my son from the second one.
Now, I have a wife who likes being a woman and enjoys being a helpmate. I have a great deal of sympathy for these women who bought into the femenist culture, but they buttered their bread...now they can jam it.
Just got married in June and absolutely love it. Couldn’t be happier. Dated for 8 yrs (started when I was 16, and she was 14). Have a nice house, dog and cat and love every bit of it.
God is central in our marriage and that is what will hold us together through thick and thin.
Maybe I'm just hard-hearted, but I find it hard to develop much pity or sympathy for someone who would dump "an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind" after three years for reasons she can't even articulate.
A spoiled child ... she made her bed, now she can sleep in it. Alone.
Funny how the liberal mantra is that marriage makes people miserable... yet 20 years into the “divorce is cool/I’m never getting married” experiment and anti-depressant use is up 400%.
Fact is, despite the ups and downs of a traditional marriage, people are overall much happier in their natural state of marriage and family.
In my opinion, any discussion goes wrong at the point it identifies people living immoral lives as “winners.” This is true whether it’s a question of mating success or of financial success.
I’m in college now and tbh, it is sort of the opposite, students are very very reserved in dress and speech and actions, after attending in the 90’s this is quite a surprise but in a good way.
As for “what, me marry”?
Heh, tick tock, women do not have the window men have, if they wish to be drones, that’s fine...but hit 50 and being a single female..oh, there is a wonderful future of pinot noir alone with a good book and comfortable shoes.
“Money quote, right there! As an undergrad from 1998-2002, I can attest that the glut of women on a majority of college campuses means “open season” for horny boys. Unfortunately, I was just every girl’s good friend. “
Yep, it´s open season for horny alphas. Betas though, not so much.
Rule of thumb for comparing sexual market value: Beta guy = Fat chick.
1. No one is good enough. Read: no one good enough found them attractive and gave them a tumble.
2. The modern "I can make it on my own" paradigm.
By the time some of these women figure out that both of these scenarios lead to loneliness and unfulfillment, it's too late.
I have a female friend who married after college. The guy was a philandering dolt and she divorced him. She wanted to be a career woman and worked hard eventually leaving her firm and becoming a consultant.
Now, consultancy has dried up. She is 53, has had to take an office job (bye-bye "career woman") and is past child-bearing age. Over the years, she dated lots of guys, but always was probing the upper echelons of income even though she was not a member of the gentry. These guys got what she had to give and dropped her, but she was still looking for the brass ring - Mr. Perfect with a high six-figure or even seven-figure salary, a fancy home, a vacation house, etc. She never found him even though she has finally pronounced herself ready to marry again.
So, now she is alone, childless, working to pay off debt and aging rapidly. She bought the lie of feminism: "You can have it all." No one has it all. We only get parts of it and have to make sacrifices to get those.
Watch a televised sporting event in the North and you will see a lot of grim female faces - watch one in the South and you will see loads of enchanting smiles. And it isn't just the weather!
“The narcissism that prevails today, the sense of sexual entitlement along with the me, me, me, ideation....absolutely precludes the idea of marriage, fidelity, children, sacrifice.”
And they owe it all to Ecstasy.
One day a couple of them were apparently having some of these "hey, I'm gonna die old and by myself" moments, and one of them loudly bemoaned their plight, uttering the well-used mantra "where have all the good men gone?"
I took a great deal of satisfaction in replying "Why, they're already married to all the good women"!
That one left them shocked and unable to respond...
“Maybe I’m just hard-hearted, but I find it hard to develop much pity or sympathy for someone who would dump “an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind” after three years for reasons she can’t even articulate.”
This is not surprising at all. “Niceness” is actively off-putting for women, as much as ugliness in women is to males. Women do *not*, above all other things, want a weak man. “Niceness” is just another word for “weakness”. Degrees, intelligence, etc. can never make up for weakness.
Don´t fall into the trap of believing the feminist claptrap about wanting a “nice guy”. If you want the musical version of this eternal truth, you can get it here:
I knew boatloads of guys during my first tour in the Marines who got themselves to the Philippines for just that purpose.
Generally, it was mission accomplished.
Just as Gramsci intended, and as implemented by the Frankfurt School communists Maslow, Fromm, and Marcuse.
I was chastised by many in my youth for impulsively committing to a handsome man 6 yrs my senior. Whirlwind courtship - brief engagement before the wedding.
The babies starting coming very quickly and quite often.
I pretty much broke all the “feminist” rules.
At times I doubted my own choices - it wasn’t easy, and we were not as financially secure as our career-oriented friends.
Now that we’re in “middle age”...I’m not regretting it at all.
Sure...we could use more money and larger saving accounts - but I’m still not regretting it.
LOL...in short reality is just what it says it is. Theres no changing it to suit modern fantasies, it doesn’t bend to moral relativism.
Well, hopefully they will not end up winners in the eternal sense.
That shouldn´t make us close our eyes to the practical consequences of the liberal assault on traditional mores. The winners are cads and players, the loser the average man and fools who actually buy into feminism.
Well, that´s just the latest tactical formulation of the same underlying assault on truth. “Total equality” has been an ideal pushed by liberalism since the French Revolution.
Top ten reasons why American men suck (I don't really think so, but I'll give it a whirl...)
1) Lousy fathering. Dads absent or unloving or too busy.
2) Obsessed with porn, or pornographic fetishes of dolls, not even women.
3) Number 2 is very important, because it shapes a boy's perception of the whole world. He sees his dad with porn, and assumes his mother must be unattractive and ugly. No real woman, no matter how attractive, can measure up to the chopped-up pieces of women's bodies he pants over on the computer.
4) Lazy. Thinks the world owes him a job that's like the video games he grows up on. Wants to grow up to make video games, but hasn't any guts to get the training.
5) Can't face working for The Man. Sits at night in his mom's basement watching reruns of the Daily Show. Wants to grow up to be Jon Stewart, and is always practicing his f-bombs and snarkiness.
6) Watches porn on the internet instead of asking a nice girl out for a coffee.
7) Watches porn instead of taking the dog for a run in the park and maybe getting some fresh air.
8) Is always complaining about American Women, so he watches porn of Brazilian women who wear topless thongs
9) watches porn and gets paunchy, but always complaining about Far American Chicks
10) Dreams of the day that he can afford a mail-order bride from the Phillipines, but is really afraid of any demands she would place on him. But she'll probably put up with the porn habit...
Marriage is of God. I bet she is not a believer.
A store that sells husbands has recently opened in New York.
The store has become very popular, but there are a few simple rules:
Women may only enter the store ONCE to make a purchase. There are 6 floors, and the attributes of the men for sale on each floor are detailed outside. Although you can choose a man from any floor, once you have entered a particular floor you must make a purchase there. You cannot go back down, except when you exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a lifelong partner. On the first floor the sign outside reads: ‘Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord’. She moves on up.
On the next floor the sign reads: ‘Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord and love kids’. She keeps going.
The sign outside the third floor reads: ‘Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good-looking’. Still she moves on up.
Next she sees the sign: ‘Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework’. Excited now, again she proceeds to the next floor.
The sign outside the fifth floor reads: ‘Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak’. Although tempted to make her purchase from this floor, she can’t wait to see what’s available on the sixth.
Reaching for the door-handle to enter the floor area, she notices the sign outside. ‘Floor 6 - You are visitor number 4,634,289 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists simply to prove that women are impossible to please’.
Do you think they appreciate the irony of adhering to a feminist dogma that was created and promoted by a cadre of lesbians and asexual old maids?
Yes, divorce reform is badly needed in this country. But so is social reform.. In a country where we murder babies because they were conceived outside of marriage and are inconvenient for their parents, loyalty to another is dead. The attack on believers is ongoing. Divorce judges don’t care who gets hurt, they just divide up the property.
“Rule of thumb for comparing sexual market value: Beta guy = Fat chick”.
I wonder if the Beta guy/fat chick situation doesn’t mean a successful relationship? If everything is about Alpha this, Alpha that... seems like the external aesthetic qualities are emphasized rather than the internal. Perhaps the alphas are always looking for something better....
The actual factor here is one the author of this piece is quite incapable of recognizing.
Historically, women always expected to “marry up,” to marry a man higher in status, income and power. What was “missing” with the guy she dumped was that he wasn’t “up” enough.
When the status scale for women was aligned so that the male scale was higher than the female across the board, this was roughly practicable for most women.
As women, especially the women described in this article, rose in status, there were fewer and fewer men who were even higher up the scale. And since men have always been happy to marry down, many of them married gorgeous trophy wife types from farther down the social scale, bypassing these women entirely.
IOW, the real problem is not the sexual revolution as such, it’s the leveling of status for men and women. I suspect there are plenty of men for these women, if they were willing to consider equal-status or lower-status men as mates, but they aren’t.
Because they’re alpha females (or think they are) they believe they deserve an even higher-status alpha male. And there just aren’t that many of those around.
You are very fortunate. Some marry and feel the same way you do but their spouse succumbs to temptation of our sex first society.
I know a couple of Navy retirees who were stationed on Okinawa and ended up marrying Japanese ladies.
The wives dote on their husbands, the husbands lap up the attention and both husbands and wives are well satisfied.
Oh definitely “therapists” are a huge part of the problem. No values other than “self-actualization” which is a bankrupt ideology.
And for further reading, recommend Proverbs 31 to them,
and tell them THAT is whom “all the good men” have married.
The funny thing is that both the “American women suck” and the “American men suck” leave out the most important reasons why American men and American Women become unattractive to the opposite sex. That tells us something important.
(That doesn´t mean that the lists don´t contain a lot of truth, of course)
Something was missing.....we all know what that is code for.
They need a man like a fish needs a bike, but if you insist, he better be hung like a moose.
I like your post and points. To add to Mona’s sociological point...
We’ve suffered the impact of decades of gubmint $$$ being REWARDED to single mom.
More kids without fathers present? (except when the welfare checks come in, THEN they’ll come sniffin around!)
More $$$ for the mom.
Gubmint REWARDS promiscuity. It’s a generational INDUSTRY.
Way wrong. I payed attention to the baseball playoff crowds this year watching for that same indications. Your premise is false .
Men and women, speaking generally, are equally shallow.
Men judge women primarily by their looks.
Women judge men primarily by their status, which in this country is determined by their wallet, for the most part.
Neither characteristic says much about the value of the human being. Those who judge in such ways sort of deserve each other.
Beta guy + fat chick can be successful insofar as it will be more sustainable than beta guy + thin chick or alpha guy + fat chick. But that doesn´t mean that it will result in a truly happy couple.
Also, note that the “Alpha” vs. “Beta” distinction in men is largely internal, a matter of outlook and behavior.