B3!!!
From the brilliant mind of John Kass, Chicago Tribune reporter, from his ‘Kassopedia.’
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O’Bama: As an infant, O’Bama was found by the Daley women floating in a reed basket on the south bank of the Chicago River, and he grew to perform great miracles with the help of his powerful shaman, the Merlin Axelrod. He drew the Sword of Reform from the cornerstone of City Hall.
At a banquet of insiders, he turned the water into beer. Perhaps O’Bama’s greatest miracle was to convince American political reporters who were under the Merlin’s spell that he could swim through Chicago political waters unstained.
He was able to accomplish this amazing feat because Axelrod transformed him into an empty vessel (or grail) into which most of the nation’s journalists poured all childish hopes and unresolved racial guilt.
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King of Beers: Code for the Rev. Jesse Jackson, whose sons received an exclusive Budweiser distributorship in Chicago after the Rev played the race card and chanted “This Bud’s a Dud” during his famous boycott of Anheuser-Busch. One son did not enter the beer business but did play political footsie with a corrupt governor, and is known as U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., D-Bud Light.
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Rahmfather: 1) Term of endearment and respect for Mayor Rahm Emanuel, praise forever be upon his name, mostly because he really can’t stand it when you criticize him, and the last thing I want is that freaky Arby pointing at me. 2) The absolutely cool portrait of the mayor — in the style of a “Godfather” movie poster — hanging on the wall of my office at the Tribune Tower, given me by a mysterious and still unknown reader.
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Rahmpelstiltskin: A tiny dancer who prances angrily around the fire at night — perhaps wearing curly-toed boots — forcing Chicagoans to spin straw into gold with the use of speed cameras, while shrieking “sit down!” and “shut up!” Rahmpelstiltskin uses a wearying array of taxes, fees, regulations and haughtiness to get his way. Please approach with caution. Rahmpelstiltskin can be dangerous when provoked.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-met-kass-0304-20120304-12,0,6160228.column