[Zionist Conspirator]

“We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt with universal health coverage and fleshpots, leeks and garlic and fish that we ate for free, and everything. But then that mean-spirited interloper Moses came and stirred up trouble, and took us out in the dessert for forty years because a Bush told him to draw us into his risky schemes. Afraid of people who are different than us, we allowed him to bring plagues down on the heads of those piece-loving African sun people, and clung to our spears and Bibles in our indifference to those less fortunate than ourselves as we joined the unemployed and relocated to the aforementioned dessert without an extra six months of unemployment benefits. Then Moses used a cheap ventriloquist trick to make us think that some Supreme Being was talking to us from a mountain, and we murdered three thousand innocent golden calf worshipers and the indigenous Amalekites we met on the way...”

That's one of the best posts I've ever read on FR! Mo`adim lesimchah!

[Eleutheria5]

When Moses split the ocean, it caused untold environmental damage, and for forty years we were fed nothing but high carbohydrate manna which was artificially flavored to taste like anything we wanted, except for leeks and onions. Then we entered the land of Canaan by splitting a river, causing even more environmental damage, and annihilated all the indigenous inhabitants, destroying their rich culture of Baal worship, bisexual orgies, and human sacrifice.

If he didn’t take us out of Egypt, it would have been enough for us.
If he had to take us out of Egypt, but at least didn’t confiscate the Egyptians’ money, it would have been enough for us.
If he had to confiscate the Egyptians’ money, but at least didn’t split the ocean, it would have....