“keeping such drinks out of teenagers’ reach during school hours may not be enough.”
...This is just awful! What WILL work then? Sewing their little pie holes shut? Jail time? Chinese water torture? Tar and feathers? Whatever it takes!!
Nothing will work. We’ll eat and eat until we waddle off this mortal coil.
Add MICROCHIPS to the Eeeeeeviill slosh.
THEN you can trace where the little tykes got it, and HANG the soda ‘pushers’.