Fri column ping
I, of the storm
By Howie Carr | Friday, August 24, 2012 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
Photo by Christopher Evans
Isaac permitting, I’ll be flying to Tampa on Sunday for the Republican convention.
Damn the computer models, Gridley, full speed ahead. I have not yet begun to tweet.
So what if even the Sunshine Skyway Bridge is washed away by Isaac’s flood tides? If Ted Kennedy could swim to safety in the raging waters from his sinking ’67 Oldsmobile Delmont, then I can make it to dry land from my ’12 Camry rental from Avis.
You would think the approaching storm would be bad news for the GOP. Actually, anything that gets that moron congressman from Missouri off the front page is welcome right about now.
Who knew Mitt Romney might have to deliver his acceptance speech on the Weather Channel?
The weather babes have already been “closely monitoring” the storm’s progress for days. Time to dust off the hurricane cliches. Isaac is churning, while the islands brace. When Isaac hits the mainland, traffic will be, what else, snarled. Cut to the liveshot at the St. Pete Home Depot, where everybody is already buying hammers, nails and plywood to cover the windows.
Isaac’s impending landfall will provide the National Weather Service with a new way of measuring strength of disturbances. If one hair moves on Mitt’s head, it’s a tropical depression. Two hairs, a tropical storm. Three or more, a hurricane.
If Isaac has to hit any day of the convention, Mitt Romney is praying for Monday night. Wouldn’t it be a shame if they have to cancel the deliberations over the platform, i.e. abortion?
Remember four years ago, the Republicans were in St. Paul, Minn., and they still canceled Monday night on account of Hurricane Gustav battering the Gulf Coast. Didn’t need to encourage any memories of Hurricane Katrina and “Heckuva job, Brownie.” Hurricanes have not been good to the Republicans lately. I’m sure the bars of Tampa will be prepared. Nothing wets the whistle quite like a Hurricane. Two shots of light rum, two shots of dark rum and — all other ingredients optional.
Florida is overdue for a storm. Remember back around eight years when the state was being battered yearly by big hurricanes? Global warming, they explained. So the legislature passed a bill making it mandatory for all property owners to buy hurricane insurance. As soon as the bill became law, the hurricanes ceased. Global warming, they explain.
Forget Isaac, the odds are there’ll be more double-double toil and trouble at the Democratic convention in Charlotte with the dueling Kennedy family receptions, Vicki’s on Tuesday and Caroline’s JFK faction Wednesday. Talk about fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Which side is Taylor Swift on?
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