Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f*** is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE OBAMA?" Private Obama: "Sir, that's a pile of multi-million dollar checks made out to foreign countries, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Multi-million dollar checks made out to foreign countries?" Private Obama: "Sir, yes, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "How did they get here?" Private Obama: "Sir, I took the money from the treasury, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Do we have that money in the treasury, Private Obama?" Private Obama: "Sir, no, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (Examining a check) "This one here is for a billion dollars, so the .. Egyptians can buy a submarine. Are you planning on raising taxes on your fellow recruits, Private Obama?" Private Obama: "Sir, YES, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "And why, Private Obama?" Private Obama: "Sir, because we have too much money, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Because we're broke, Private Obama!" Private Obama: "Sir, yes, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Then why did you try to sneak multi-million dollar checks made out to foreign countries in your footlocker, Private Obama?" Private Obama: "Sir, because I'm a Marxist who hates my country, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Because you're a Marxist ... [turns and addresses rest of platoon] Didn't your parents give you enough love when you were growing up, Private Obama?" Private Obama: "Sir, no sir." Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Private Obama has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people have not given Private Obama the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Obama f***s up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it ladies, you owe me for over 16 trillion jelly donuts! NOW GET ON YOUR FACES!" [half the recruits get in front-leaning-rest position, Hartman turns to Obama] Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Open your mouth!" [shoves jelly doughnut into Obama's mouth] Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "They're payin' for it; YOU eat it! Ready! Pay your taxes!"
