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Feminist Theories Offer Cold Comfort at 40
American Spectator ^ | May 3, 2013 | Marta H. Mossburg

Posted on 05/04/2013 9:55:07 PM PDT by grundle

Feminists could not have created a better foil for themselves than Susan Patton.

She is the woman who sent a letter to the Daily Princetonian in March advising female students to look for a mate in college because there would never be such a high concentration of well-educated, eligible men surrounding them.

Patton, who graduated from Princeton University in 1977, urged the school’s young women to, “Find a husband on campus before you graduate.”

For linking early marriage to happiness she was excoriated by an onslaught of Ivy League grads and their intellectual peers who labeled her everything from “elitist” to “archaic.”

I don’t disagree with the criticism focused on her plea for students to marry guys from Princeton, as there are many really smart, talented men without an Ivy League pedigree.

But I’ve been thinking about the letter a lot recently because of separate visits with three dear friends who are highly educated, very attractive and approaching 40 or over the mark, and want to marry and have children as much or more than the lucrative careers they worked so hard to achieve.

They probably would have laughed at Patton in their 20s, as I would have, but today they often feel alone more than successful and stand at a biological crossroads shattering their sense of self.

(Excerpt) Read more at spectator.org ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: coeds; genderwars; singles
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1 posted on 05/04/2013 9:55:07 PM PDT by grundle
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To: grundle

2 posted on 05/04/2013 10:10:47 PM PDT by GraceG
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To: grundle

When it’s all said and done and you’re looking back in old age (when many doors have closed that can never be reopened), which do you think you’ll miss more, a family of children and grandchildren you never had or a career you gave up to create and raise that family?


3 posted on 05/04/2013 10:18:57 PM PDT by CitizenUSA (Why celebrate evil? Evil is easy. Good is the goal worth striving for.)
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To: grundle

Sorry, Susan, it’s very difficult and onerous to express a normal opinion in this extremely abnormal - not to say sick - world.


4 posted on 05/04/2013 10:32:10 PM PDT by Jack Hammer (American)
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To: grundle
I was fed the feminist line. I never really wanted to learn to cook, take care of a house, I wanted children but somehow in my late teens fantasy life this would all be taken care of by my vast fortune working as a Professional “whatever”. After college, fortunately, biology kicked in and by 27 I was married with our first daughter on the way. I've always been conservative politically and I'm glad biology kicked in, and I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with the kids. My dad was ecstatic because I put the same effort I put into school and work into learning how to cook and do “mom” things and he benefited from my year of making a different dish every night for a year (parents lived by, just as easy to cook
for 6 as for 4), I wanted to learn household maintenance, landscaping, you name it. As he got older he was glad I'd practice at their house to! Now in my early 40’s, I'm so glad I didn't wait and that my kids knew their grandparents, if only for a little while.
5 posted on 05/04/2013 10:33:56 PM PDT by MacMattico
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To: grundle

The American Left told these women that there are no consequences to decisions.

I don’t feel sorry for these withering feminists.


6 posted on 05/04/2013 10:37:33 PM PDT by Tzimisce (The American Revolution began when the British attempted to disarm the Colonists.)
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To: Tzimisce

Just wait until they reach their 60’s and nobody wants them.


7 posted on 05/04/2013 10:43:41 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET
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To: grundle
I have a friend in her 40’s that doesn't talk about it but I know is truly devastated by lack of her own family. We invite her to our get togethers and Christmas dinner, but she knows it's not the same. She will pass away with a small fortune in the bank, even if she lives to be 100. But it won't have been worth it. She was shocked when I said I was going to stay at home with my two little ones. Now, to be perfectly honest, she's jealous. Just reporting my story, not judging anyone elses.
8 posted on 05/04/2013 10:44:26 PM PDT by MacMattico
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To: grundle

The article suggests that every woman who rejects family for a fantastic career, always ends up with the fantastic career. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most end up simply lonely, with no wealth to speak of, no kids and no future. They rode the feminist wave, some being insufferable bitches at work the whole time, which killed thier chances for leadership roles (because they didn’t have any leadership skills to begin with), only to become increasingly bitter and old.

I beleive the word is Spinster.


9 posted on 05/04/2013 10:59:37 PM PDT by Greenpees (Coulda Shoulda Woulda)
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To: Tzimisce

I disagree. I do feel sorry for them and for this country for the loss we all experience for those Americans who should have been born. Of course I am quite sure that many of them would spurn my sympathy in public, although embrace it in private.


10 posted on 05/04/2013 11:04:21 PM PDT by antceecee (Bless us Father.. have mercy on us and protect us from evil.)
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To: grundle

11 posted on 05/04/2013 11:10:03 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: grundle
They probably would have laughed at Patton in their 20s, as I would have, but today they often feel alone more than successful and stand at a biological crossroads shattering their sense of self.

They made their beds. Now they come home to the sounds of silence and sleep next to their careers. Finally they will die alone, forgotten, and un-mourned.

Anyone truly as intelligent as these women believe themselves to be would have understood this before completing high school.

But the Feminist Kool-Aid tasted so sweet!

12 posted on 05/04/2013 11:11:55 PM PDT by DakotaGator (Weep for the lost Republic! And keep your powder dry!!)
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To: grundle
...approaching 40 or over the mark, and want to marry and have children as much or more than the lucrative careers they worked so hard to achieve.

They probably would have laughed at Patton in their 20s, as I would have, but today they often feel alone more than successful and stand at a biological crossroads shattering their sense of self.


13 posted on 05/04/2013 11:14:24 PM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: grundle

14 posted on 05/04/2013 11:17:03 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: MacMattico
I think Barbara Walters said:

Of these 3 options as a woman:

Great career

Great marriage

Great kids

That you can possibly have 2, but having all 3 is nearly impossible.

15 posted on 05/04/2013 11:18:57 PM PDT by boop ("You don't look so bad, here's another")
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To: DIRTYSECRET

No one wants them now.

Do you want a loud obnoxious woman with a victim complex and a chip on her shoulder who is far past her prime and might have a kid with a head full of bad wiring to boot?

That’s really not attractive to most men and that’s what these feminists are pissy about.


16 posted on 05/04/2013 11:34:42 PM PDT by Tzimisce (The American Revolution began when the British attempted to disarm the Colonists.)
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To: grundle

Bookmark for later commentary.


17 posted on 05/04/2013 11:35:40 PM PDT by originalbuckeye (Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy)
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To: antceecee

They brought it on themselves.

If we could go back to the 70s these women would be loud, rude, obnoxious know-it-alls - just like they are today.

And you can’t tell them anything - just like today.

I don’t feel sorry for people who make a bunch of bad decisions then salve themselves by taking it out on everyone around them.


18 posted on 05/04/2013 11:37:49 PM PDT by Tzimisce (The American Revolution began when the British attempted to disarm the Colonists.)
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To: antceecee
Sadly, I have a good friend who is 60 and never married. She readily admits she swallowed the feminist crud in her college years, to her detriment. Her first boyfriend had his own jet, and several years later (when he no longer wanted her as “eye candy”), they split.

Once you've dated someone so well-heeled, it apparently is hard to accept that other guys won't be able to at least match that to which you became acquainted (although her family lived very modestly). No guy she ever dated “did it” for her after that first guy, and she grew to distrust him during their relationship (he was ten years older than he'd initially said he was).

She is alone and has recently had problems finding the kind of job she once had, after being let go.

When I met her ten years ago, she had six cats. My wife and I believe this was part of her misplaced maternal instinct, letting animals serve as a proxy for family.

It is sad.

19 posted on 05/04/2013 11:57:15 PM PDT by ConservativeMind ("Humane" = "Don't pen up pets or eat meat, but allow infanticide, abortion, and euthanasia.")
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To: Tzimisce
“Do you want a loud obnoxious woman with a victim complex and a chip on her shoulder who is far past her prime and might have a kid with a head full of bad wiring to boot?”

Speaking from the guy's perspective, this was exactly the kind of female I seemed to attract like a magnet. I managed to avoid them because too many of my friends married harpies like this and were miserable. It was worse if there were kids and a divorce ensued; the husbands would get financially screwed and have to fight the ex for visitation rights. Marrying one of these prizes was a demon from Hell.

My lady was previously married and widowed when we met. I love her to tears, but she's long past kids and we're growing old together. Do I miss grand kids? Sometimes, but I saw enough carnage acted out in other lives to cure me of that.

20 posted on 05/05/2013 12:06:01 AM PDT by MasterGunner01
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To: grundle

As Aesop said, “misery loves company”.


21 posted on 05/05/2013 12:06:16 AM PDT by Usagi_yo
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To: grundle

My story is a tale of two daughters, 19 months apart in age. The oldest is an academic all-star, just completing her second year of a 4-year Pharm-D graduate program.

The youngest daughter paused her undergraduate degree to get married to an active-duty NCO and just recently had a baby. She expects to finish her degree in a year and start teaching Special Ed.

The oldest daughter will most likely enjoy more money and creature comforts, but the youngest will be well on her way building and raising her family.

I’ll be interested to see who seems to be happiest with their life choices.


22 posted on 05/05/2013 12:16:58 AM PDT by Nachoman (Wisdom is learned, cynicism is earned.)
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To: grundle
I know some gals who swallowed all of the feminist crap back in their younger days. They were hellish bitches to all of those around them, and thought they could have their cake and eat it, too.

Now, they're aging, fat, and alone. Nobody wants them. Sound harsh? Good. It should. It's the truth.

They're bitter and pissed off, and they seem to collect either cats or small dogs to make up for unrealized motherhood.

I don't feel sorry for these losers AT ALL.

HA HA.

23 posted on 05/05/2013 12:20:00 AM PDT by SIDENET
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To: grundle

150 years of social engineering idealism will not trump 40,000 years of reality. Thank goodness


24 posted on 05/05/2013 1:50:56 AM PDT by Hoosier-Daddy ( "It is not our job to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices.")
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To: Nachoman

I’ll be interested to see who seems to be happiest with their life choices.”

Hopefully you will be surprised to find out that each is happy with their choice.


25 posted on 05/05/2013 2:07:48 AM PDT by Grams A (The Sun will rise in the East in the morning and God is still on his throne.)
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To: grundle

The way I see it many of these women bought this feminist crap hook, line, and sinker. Many of them were married and got divorced to live the feminist “freedom” dream. Many never married so they could live the feminist dream of being the career “power woman”.

Most of the women are now middle-aged, fat-bottomed, and bitter. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, it is these women who consistently vote for Democrats who have pledged to be their “husband” and take care of them.

Feminism was always nothing more than the beautiful apple in the garden of Eden, bright and shiny and delicious in the mouth, but sickeningly bitter in the stomach.


26 posted on 05/05/2013 4:00:27 AM PDT by Obadiah (High speed, low drag.)
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To: MacMattico

Thank you for posting the recipe for a happy life.


27 posted on 05/05/2013 4:19:00 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: Tzimisce
They brought it on themselves. If we could go back to the 70s these women would be loud, rude, obnoxious know-it-alls - just like they are today

BWAHAHHAHA..... so TZ you think feminaneism is a bad choice much like militant islam? Could it be both are choices that eventually lead to bad, bad results for the practitioner and the practitionerette alike? It's an eye opener i will say that....


28 posted on 05/05/2013 4:32:52 AM PDT by jimsin
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To: martin_fierro

He was great in Black Books!


29 posted on 05/05/2013 5:02:44 AM PDT by wally_bert (There are no winners in a game of losers. I'm Tommy Joyce, welcome to the Oriental Lounge.)
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To: Obadiah
"Most of the women are now middle-aged, fat-bottomed, and bitter. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, it is these women who consistently vote for Democrats who have pledged to be their “husband” and take care of them."

I know several of these and most of them are in good paying government do nothing jobs that no male has any business applying for or will ever get.

30 posted on 05/05/2013 5:08:03 AM PDT by wally_bert (There are no winners in a game of losers. I'm Tommy Joyce, welcome to the Oriental Lounge.)
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To: CitizenUSA

“but today they often feel alone more than successful and stand at a biological crossroads shattering their sense of self.” Still can only think of “self”. And most likely can’t believe their choices brought them to where they are today.


31 posted on 05/05/2013 5:33:59 AM PDT by winkadink (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. George Orwell)
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To: jimsin

Ping for future comments


32 posted on 05/05/2013 5:34:04 AM PDT by BigRed9
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To: jimsin

the “have it all” feminazis are now middle-aged,fat,and bitter,many are drunks.

Karma, for the misery they caused the shmucks who wasted time on em


33 posted on 05/05/2013 5:45:54 AM PDT by wiseone (india,)
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To: grundle

———“elitist” to “archaic.”-——

Also rational and correct

Highly educated spinsters are actually societal offal


34 posted on 05/05/2013 5:50:42 AM PDT by bert ((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 .....History is a process, not an event)
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To: CitizenUSA

Great question!


35 posted on 05/05/2013 5:54:33 AM PDT by WashingtonSource
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To: grundle

On the other side of the coin, it’s sad that we have lost the tradition of the Celibate Laywoman. There is no respect anymore for the woman who decides against having a family because it is assumed she’s doing it for the prestige or the money or the sexual freedom. We need to teach our daughters that, if they truly do not wish to marry, they it does not inevitably require wallowing in the excesses of this world.


36 posted on 05/05/2013 6:03:33 AM PDT by Eepsy
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To: Obadiah

One thing I have learned from the single middle-aged women I know is that all the good men really are taken. By good ones, I mean men willing to get married. There are way too many bums and too many men who think being single is better.


37 posted on 05/05/2013 6:09:34 AM PDT by AppyPappy (You never see a massacre at a gun show.)
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To: GraceG
i'm surprised they don't have a degree in Cat Farming yet...
38 posted on 05/05/2013 6:24:22 AM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: Eepsy
On the other side of the coin, it’s sad that we have lost the tradition of the Celibate Laywoman. There is no respect anymore for the woman who decides against having a family because it is assumed she’s doing it for the prestige or the money or the sexual freedom. We need to teach our daughters that, if they truly do not wish to marry, they it does not inevitably require wallowing in the excesses of this world.

I'm glad you said that, because I've been reading this thread and thinking that nothing here resonates with me. I never wanted children, so I didn't have them and am single. Yes, with cats! I've loved cats since I was a small child, down in Grandpa's barn cuddling with them. My mom gave me a doll and it creeped me out. I knew very young that family just wasn't for me. I'm kind to others in a distant sort of way, but that's all.

But that doesn't mean I'm either a sexual adventuress or a money-hungry career woman. I'm just sort of a natural Spinster Libriarian type. I live in spartan simplicity with books, cats, and a rose garden. Kind of a Miss Marple, but not so inclined to become enveloped in a murder mystery.

I guess this conversation ultimately doesn't have anything to do with me, as it's about "having it all" when I didn't want any of it.

39 posted on 05/05/2013 6:35:39 AM PDT by A_perfect_lady
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To: Obadiah
Feminism was always nothing more than the beautiful apple in the garden of Eden, bright and shiny and delicious in the mouth, but sickeningly bitter in the stomach.

To add to this: Feminism whispered into the ears of these women and said..."you can be like God"...and have fame, fortune, happiness, utopia, but you must sacrifice any future children to the god of feminism.

40 posted on 05/05/2013 6:55:21 AM PDT by VRW Conspirator (Cyprus - the beginning)
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To: A_perfect_lady

Excellent response.


41 posted on 05/05/2013 7:14:48 AM PDT by jonno (Having an opinion is not the same as having the answer...)
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To: All

Most American women absorbed feminism into their brains and it ruined lives: their own if they didn’t marry and both partners if they did. Women need feminism like a fish needs a bicycle. Finally I married a Philippine woman and have been happy since.


42 posted on 05/05/2013 7:16:20 AM PDT by RHS Jr (Pity the banksters when Jesus comes)
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To: grundle; Old Sarge; NorthernCrunchyCon; UMCRevMom@aol.com; Finatic; fellowpatriot; MarineMom613; ...
+

Freep-mail me to get on or off my pro-life and Catholic List:

Add me / Remove me

Please ping me to note-worthy Pro-Life or Catholic threads, or other threads of general interest.

43 posted on 05/05/2013 7:18:17 AM PDT by narses
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To: MacMattico

You bring up some real key points because the sacrifice isn’t just for the individual. Its sacrificing the whole potential for an integrated family. Waiting too long as you indicated guarantees even if you have children how be it late in life they may never have grand parents. Now that is something I couldn’t have imagined because my grand parents played such a huge role in my life. I even had the blessing of knowing two of my great grandparents.

It is true there is a cost and I know how it is to sometimes envy the fact that others have nicer cars and bigger houses etc but when I weigh it in my mind would I trade even one of my 6 children for a bigger house or car or more partying? Never. I can’t even understand people who don’t want children anymore. They strike me as selfish beyond belief and seldom has that assessment not been the case outside of the priesthood. Its their choice of course and I pity them for it. They’ll never experience the joy of the birth of a child and holding that small perfect being that will look at you like you are the center of their world and love you so fully. They will never hear the ‘da-d-da-d-daa-dad’ or see the first steps or hear their baby laugh. They wont be able to hold the hand of their baby and see how it looks like a little replica of their own. There is so much richness and beauty they will miss. They will miss what at a very basic level is the essence of being human.


44 posted on 05/05/2013 7:48:22 AM PDT by Maelstorm (This country wasn't founded with the battle cry "Give me liberty or give me a govt check!")
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To: DIRTYSECRET

I have a friend who just turned 72. Had a high paying career. Now she is widowed, no children and alone. I spend more time dealing with her than my 91 year old mother. Mother can keep herself occupied with reading, quilting and gardening. None of which my friend ever learned how to do.


45 posted on 05/05/2013 7:53:19 AM PDT by KYGrandma (The sun shines bright on my old Kentucky home.....)
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To: grundle

Advising female students to look for a mate in college because there would never be such a high concentration of well-educated, eligible men surrounding them.

Get a pay check and a free ride in one shot,then hum I are woman.


46 posted on 05/05/2013 8:34:11 AM PDT by Vaduz
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To: A_perfect_lady; Eepsy

Thank you for your comments. I actually wouldn’t have minded having children or marriage, it is the dating culture that I never have had the stomach for even as a middle schooler. Maybe I took the easy way out by immersing myself in activities I enjoy.

I don’t live the fanciest of lives, but I am as busy as the average soccer mom with a very fulfilling life. It doesn’t include my own biological children. (I am seriously considering becoming a Big Sister for Big Brothers/Big Sisters because I recently met a remarkable teenage girl through other volunteer work and would love to continue helping her once the project we are working on is over)


47 posted on 05/05/2013 8:48:21 AM PDT by PrincessB (Drill Baby Drill.)
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To: grundle
I think the biggest lesson missed is one that many more men have learned than women:

"Careers" are crap.

You are always nothing more than a long-term contractor working at below market rates, to be terminated whenever you appear less useful or a bit older than you once were. A career is really an apprenticeship for running your own business, and the younger one makes that transition the better off one will be.

Feminists seem to think (paternalistically) that women can call themselves successful if they can carve out an affirmative action role next to successful young executive Bob Loblaw in the years before he becomes CEO of MegaCorp, because Bob has coattails and will lift those who helped him into high offices beside him as long as they work 80 hours a week and polish Bob's shoes on Sundays.

Corporate America, of course, does not work that way - as Bob's senior staff will be made up of a few trusted, non-affirmative action insiders...plus some top outsiders stolen from the competition at a higher price than MegaCorp would ever pay Miss Affirmative Action. Meanwhile, she has just turned 40 and has missed out on marriage and family for essentially nothing, because all the money she made went to pay for the lifestyle she needed to maintain as an up-and-coming MegaCorp executive.

But CEO Bob has managed to have a wife and two kids in Greenwich, CT.

The point is, women can't really do things in the order men do them. A reinvented social order where women married by 21,had two or three kids, sent them off to (preferably private) school, then went back to college and emerged in their early thirties as wiser, more experienced human beings with a lot to offer a potential employer would make much more sense. But when presented with that concept feminists would revert immediately to kindergarten form: "No fair! Bobby got his big salary first!" :)

48 posted on 05/05/2013 8:57:04 AM PDT by Mr. Jeeves (CTRL-GALT-DELETE)
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To: DIRTYSECRET

Why so many of them turn lesbo. No man wants them, so all they have is each other to turn to.


49 posted on 05/05/2013 8:58:24 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: martin_fierro

Funny thing though, Ashley married a race car driver.


50 posted on 05/05/2013 8:59:13 AM PDT by dfwgator
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