in all of the recorded history of mankind-- We interrupt this CNN advertisement... 
for Breaking News on the Oklahoma tornadoes caused by Global Warming--
Brandon, here is your video... 
during the tornado--
"We're going to die! We're... 
going to die!"
Now, why were you the only one in the car screaming... 
like a little girl?
We drew lots.... 
and I won.
I see we have... 
Breaking News--
--from the White House: "I wish to thank the Oklahoma tornadoes... 
for once again getting all my scandal off the front page--"
We now return you to "Lizz Winstead Tells the Truth" already in progress... 
This has been Ken Brockman reporting.
"See, see! Allahu Akbar! I told all of you Allahu is punishing Oklahoma... 
because they disagree with our Lord and Savior Obama!"
I'd say... 
you cannot make this stuff up--
But I have decided to take the fifth.. 
as it appears we are all out of beer.