I have time. I would appreciate the effort, and am willing to wait for you to get to it when you can.
For starters, I see you mention you are / were an agnostic. There is a passage in Isaiah 46:10 that is key to understanding there is a creator with powers we can't began to comprehend (as well as other proofs):
8“Remember this, keep it in mind,
take it to heart, you rebels.
9Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’
11From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that I will bring about;
what I have planned, that I will do.
12Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted,
you who are now far from my righteousness.
13I am bringing my righteousness near,
it is not far away;
and my salvation will not be delayed.
I will grant salvation to Zion,
my splendor to Israel.