Interviewer Stig, I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.
Stig No, no. Never, never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to give his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.
Interviewer But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.
Stig Oh yeah, well - he did that, yeah.
Interviewer Why?
Stig Well he had to, didn’t he? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else he could do. I mean, I had transgressed the unwritten law.
Interviewer What had you done?
Stig Er... Well he never told me that. But he gave me his word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn’t want to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. There’s nothing Dinsdale wouldn’t do for you.
Interviewer And you don’t bear him any grudge?
Stig A grudge! Old Dinsy? He was a real darling.
Interviewer I understand he also nailed your wife’s head to a coffee table. Isn’t that right Mrs O’ Tracey?
*Camera pans to show woman with coffee table nailed to head.*
Mrs O’ Tracey Oh, no. No. No.
Stig Yeah, well, he did do that. Yeah, yeah. He was a cruel man, but fair
Great sketch. I always remember a character who was described as a “zany, Marxist tycoon”. I stopped laughing when Soros came on the scene!