“...By simply pushing the topic away self-righteously, we’ve driven many into the activist camp who otherwise might have been persuaded by the decades of actual scientific research on the subject that has now been swept aside as hate literature...”
The point you seem not to want to engage is the aspect of sin. Two comments I would submit:
1. The whole reason for caring about the behavior is righteousness (as opposed to “self-righteousness”) Holy scripture is very clear that homosexual behavior is depraved and a magnet for God’s wrath (see Romans).
2. Homosexual feelings are not necessarily sinful. Homosexual behavior is what is sinful. There is discussion of this at length in some Catholic circles.
(This though becomes difficult like the stem cell research debate: Those who wish to argue for using the less promising fetal stem cell line falsely call it “stem cell research” which is too vague because it denies that adult stem cells are available for research without harming the donor while fetal stem cells aren’t.)
Nonetheless this is where people get confused.
Back to the homosexual discussion, God will condemn on the last day for illicit behavior and NOT for being tempted!
I'm not trying to avoid the topic of sin in this discussion; just acknowledging that it's not an approach that we have to rely on exclusively, and that it's not always useful in trying to communicate. As a Christian, I recognize the sinfulness of the behavior, as you so accurately distinguish it from the feelings. Simply put, while the behavior is sinful, the brokenness behind it is just human. But unless we plan to engage in dialogue only with those who recognize Biblical authority (usually known as preaching to the choir), we have to reach beyond the sin aspect to engage someone who doesn't already see things our way. That's my main point.