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Funny.

I was just talking to my brother about his leaving the armed services.

guess he’s been to Afgahnistan a few times and Iraq the same.

His ship, The Keararge, was the one that was fired on while in Jordan 8 years ago.

He transitioned to the sister ship, the Ashland, which somehow convinced him his twenty years were up.

He said he’d done some things in those crap holes and had fun doing VIP protection.

Here’s the point of my dumb story:
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For some reason he always felt like the worst time he ever had was when he was 11.

We lived in Lost City, outside Hulbert, which is near Tahlequah and 70 miles East of Tulsa.

Seems some racoons had been raiding a neighbors chicken coop and pulling em clean through, leaving a mess of feathers and taking a chicken.

Well, we had the same experience and he knew what to do.

Unlike my Mom who shot them lil Bass terds with a 270, he knew to use the right tool for the right job.

He took the Marlin 10/22 and his friend went out his .22 in search of coons.

Well, his friend was getting bored and for some reason, his gun was pointed as it should be....kinduh...Down toward the ground but, it was also pointed in the direction of my brother.

So his bored friend pulled the trigger, thinking the thing was on safety.

Guess it wasn’t exactly pointed at the ground.

the .22 went clean through his leg. Totally and completely missed his femur.

I remember walking in on him at the hospital. My other, the comedian, said something funny, we all laughed.

I asked “Well, did you at least kill that coon?”

“Well, no stupid. I got a hole bored in me!” he replied.

“Yeah, your friend told me how he was bored and shot you. Pretty exciting now huh?” I responded.

He called me something or other, we all laughed and I think all of us took turns at making fun of him.

My Mom just kissed him sweetly on the cheek, told him she loved him and everyone’s learned a lesson today.

So he relays this story to me recently and said that was about as scared as he’s ever been in his life.

I called him a liar cuz he’s on his fourth marriage and that can’t possibly be true.

He laughed and informed me he was going to Bahrain. I guess his new wife is still in the service and he’ll get some job outside the service while over there.

It also reminds me that not two days later, my youngest sister, was using the sewing machine, trying to put a zipper on something.

She was messing with the bobbin while running the material through its line.

Gee, I wonder why she ended up stiching her thumb twice and as she pulled back, realizing what she’d done, she pulled back at the perfect time and broke the needle off the machine.

I don’t know why but, my brother and I thought that was hilarious as hell on the one hand and working out a solution for how we going to get that #5 sized needle out of her thumb.

She was scared but, my brother is very quick witted and had her laughing.

Went and told my Mom what happened and asked if there were some pliers in the house.

Just so happened she had a pair in her nightstand....weird.

So she goes to the backroom, lights it up with a butane torch, soaks a clean cloth with alcohol, wipes it down and then pours alcohol all over it.

She says to wait til she gets to the dinning room with the medical kit before I pull it out.

I tell her “I’m not pulling out. Jeff is”.

So I walk into the dinning room and he’s got my sister laughing, while she cries.

She looks at me with those pretty but, sad eyes and says it hurts.

I tell her it’s in head. Can’t hurt til we pull it out.

She went wide eyed and dropped her mouth open.

I rolled my eyes and my brother just laughed and then started cracking jokes.

I walk over and hand the plies to my brother and start talking to my sister, calming her.

I tell her to put her hand on the table. I won’t touch it, I just wanna get a better look.

My brother says something hilarious and I tell she better laugh, that was funny.

She smiles and looks at me. I slap her wrist onto the table, my brother pins her thumb and then swiftly pulled the needle out of her thumb.

So my sister pulls her hand back and grabbing it with a startled look says “I thought it was going to hurt”.

She goes to look at it and blood goes flying up in the air and my Mom says “Wait til I get there before you pull it”

Well, my brother and I look at each other smiling like “Ooops!” looked up to watch the blood spurt in the air and he grabs her hand again and pins it to the dinning room table.

That stuff gets on the carpet and we’re dead.

I grab a roll of paper towels and just reel em off, applying pressure to her thumb and wiping up the mess simultaneously.

She can truly say she was once laughing so hard, she was in stitches.

I truly believe life could be worse.

I’m a single man.

What if I were pregnant and living in Somalia?

S not so bad when you look at things in that perspective...

and the vitamins I took are easing the headache.

might be time to finish thing with a shot of Motrin and be done with it...

Thanks for reading about our dull life .....