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I live with my competitors for 18 years.

Five in all or six including me. I’m the oldest.

Sometimes I remember stuff for random reasons.

I stole the joke about being single and pregnant from brother.

He was 15 and was about to get the strap from my Mom for something or other. Must have been bad if she was going to let his have it with the strap and not the board or maybe it was just handy, who knows.

So he’s bent over waiting to take his three swats and he turns with his Shiite eating grin and says to my Mom “Could be worse”

She said “I don’t see how”

So smiles and says “Well, I’m 15 and single. If I was pregnant we’d be looking at another mouth to feed real soon”.

Mom ended up laughins so hard, like the kind when you lose any muscle grip in your hands and he wouldn’t stop with the jokes.

Everytime she tried to regain control and reassert her Mom-ness he said something else funny.

We were all laughing hard and he was just clowning.

Got to the point she said “Fooey. I give up”.

So we’re sitting there eating Sunday fried chicken, Mash Potato/Gravy and green beans(My favorite!) and every time she looks up at him she’s laughing and he starts to form the words to whatever joke is now in his head.

She tells “Don’t or you go to bed with no dinner”.

Here’s the gross part.

So he’s trying to eat, we’re all trying to eat and everyone is chuckling.

He looks up at me, I raise my eyebrow and give him that “Do it” look and he looses it.

He blows his food and brains through his nose and all over his plate.

Disgusting right? Well, yeah but, funny as hell.

So my Mom gets up, walks over to him and grabs his plate.

He looks up and grabs it back and like a little girl goes “No”

My Mom says “Yes” as she starts to laugh.

He starts laughing and in an even higher pitch says “No” again, like a little girl.

I lose it and start laughing then everyone starts laughing.

My Mom then says “Oh, shit” just starts laughing and pulls the plate up and over his head and then dumps it on him.

He’s laughing and we’re all laughing.

Mom says, like a little girl “I’m the Mom around here...eat” but, she can’t stop laughing.

So now she tells him to stand up behind his chair but, no one can stop laughing.

So he takes off his shirt and says something about needing to lose weight for wrestling anyway and the girls like touching his six pack.

He then poses like Arnold and moves from lame pose to lame and we can’t stop laughing.

So my Mom tells him to go get a clean shirt, come back in and get some food and there isn’t any TV tonight as we’ve been entertained enough tonight.

To this day no one remembers why he was going to get the spanking but, it’s a funny family story and my sister can tell it way better than me and she will have people in stitches like my other sister...

He never got the spanking and I’ve co-opted that joke in one form or another since.