We moved mom into assisted living when she was 99. She’s going on 101 now. She had broken her leg and had spent 100 days in rehab. She refused to have household help, and I live 2500 miles away.
She always cried “poor” although she has a nice monthly teacher’s retirement and savings. She fought tooth and nail, but we explained that social services was not going to allow her to go back to her home unassisted. We finally got her into assisted living where she is cared for royally, and she admits that. But, she still complains.
She has acquired odd food habits which make no sense. She insists that the young aides at AL are stealing her makeup and using her bathroom. Yet, she refuses to lock her door!
She carries a big hair pick clutched next to her purse at all times. She takes this down to meals. I try to get her to put it INSIDE her purse, and she refuses. This is a woman who, if I had brought a comb or a brush to the table when I was growing up, would lecture me 3 ways from Sunday about how unsanitary that was. But she’s 100 now and she does it all the time. I finally bought her a purse with an outside zipper pocket that would hold this comb with just a little piece of the handle sticking out so that it would not be so evident.
I think that when aides see the comb they will use it to fluff her hair sometimes, and I think she likes the attention. It is the only reason I can supply for this odd behavior.
In her absence from her house over the past year, Meth addicts broke in and stole a lot of her thinks and made a real mess. I shudder to think what might have happened to her if she had stayed there. The house has been sold and her car given to a granddaughter. The money is in the bank and supporting her in a lovely place.
You’re doing a good job trying to help your Mother. All you can do is offer certain choices. If my Dad decided to carry a large comb or hair pick with him in public settings as you described your Mom doing, I would presume he thought he may need a weapon for protection. If not to actually use it against someone, he may want it to throw a scare in somebody. Many folks this age are feeling very vulnerable and more helpless than they ever have before. They are adjusting to the facts of what age brings and takes away. Adjusting in not necessarily acceptance.
I don’t know how your mom thinks, she may have reasons more benign, such as always wanting to be seen at her best, and thinking if she put the comb away, it’s placement would be promptly forgotten. Maybe she doesn’t ever want to need to ask somebody where her comb is.