John Kerry. John Kerry. During the Cold War, The Great Diplomat John Kerry, whose French (much less Russian) by the way is still abominable after decades of lessons, was still chasing creeped-out rich skirts with his ridiculous post-assassination JFK monogrammed tennis-sweaters, which he traded for bandoleros in Super 8, prior to selling out our country’s finest men, legacy, and honor. He is the same man now as he always was: a fool, a flake, an abuser, and a soul-less opportunist.
I was a member of that brave band of brothers who swam up the Mekong River into Laos, Cambodia, and North Vietnam at the very hush-hush orders of Richard M. Nixon, whom my CO John Kerry knew was to be taking office soon. NS! This information is no longer classified, so I can report it to my fellow FReepers without having to silence them. At that time, few know that unrepentant NAZI spies and saboteurs were making life hell in war-torn Vietnam, but John Kerry, Yale Man, knew.)
We slipped into the grey greasy green waters of the Mekong late on Christmas Eve, naked except for our Rambo-style head scarves and unarmed except for Kabar knives between our teeth. As the NAZI spies, damn them, celebrated the Winter Solstice with neo-pagan rites, we took them by surprise and made them prisoners, towing them with the Red Cross Life Guard Carry back down the Mekong and into Allied Lines.
This 300-mile mission was so hush-hush that in a secret ceremony, John Kerry awarded his men, myself included, many decorations. I received the Boy Scout Water Safety Merit Badge from his very hand. In his report, Lt. Kerry awarded Lt. Kerry the Congressional Medal of Honor, Le Croix de Guerre avec Palme, ironically The Pour le Merité mit Ritterkreuz und Diamenten, and of course the Silver Star, and several Purple Hearts, not to mention the coveted Cloud Banner with 1,000 Elephants.
As in all of our secret unit's secret operations the secret report absolutely had to be written by Lt. Kerry himself and kept secret because of his modesty and the demands of national security.
BTW,Speaking of modesty, I shall be sitting at the bar of the Livermore Falls VFW this evening and will be happy to share with you more of the astounding exploits of this brave, unassuming Irish-American patriot from Massachusetts. I'll be on the South end of the bar, conspicuously wearing my large top-secret John Kerry Golden Decoder Ring
CC:
Mr. Quentin Tarantino