[17th Miss Regt]

including the shredding of dozens of emails - an act that might send him to jail for obstruction of justice.

Shredding emails? They are in electronic form and backed up, aren't they? How does one shred electrons?

[WayneS]

Your shredder doesn't have the optional particle accelerator attachment?

Check the Staples office supply catalog. You should be able to find one there - and they're pretty easy to retrofit...