I have a son who was diagnosed with autism. Ever since getting that diagnosis, God has shown me a new miracle each and every day with my son. I cannot express how great the joy is when I see God doing something different in him. I will never forget the day that he shouted out "Mom!" from another room. My wife and I found our eyes filling up with tears knowing that our son had never done that before.
What others take for granted, I get to see unfolded as yet another miracle God is doing for our family as an expression of His indescribable love that He has for me, my wife, and our son. I would not trade it for anything.
God is not punishing you, Toni. He is trying to teach you what love really is.
Amen.