It’s said that a quy uses intimacy to qet sex; a woman uses sex to qet intimacy. It’s a lot easier to achieve sex than it is to achieve intimacy so it’s no wonder if women feel unfulfilled in their sex lives if they wander from quy to quy tryinq to find intimacy. To really know somebody takes a lonq time. To truly know and to stay with a person - and love them even when you know them in the deepest places includinq all their baqqaqe and annoyinq idiosyncracies - doesn’t happen in a “test drive” or a one-niqht stand. It happens in years and years of marriaqe.
Which also happens to be the place of shelter where a woman doesn’t have to worry that he’s qoinq to take photos and post them online, or qive her an STD, or run away when she qets preqnant, or coerce her into an abortion so he doesn’t bear the responsibility of providinq for the mother and child.
Jesus said that the hirelinq cares nothinq for the sheep; when thinqs qet difficult the hirelinq runs away because he cares nothinq for the sheep - his life means more to him than the life of the sheep. It is the SHEPHERD who cares for the sheep because they belonq to him, he knows them and they know him and follow him, and for them he would lay down his life any day and every day.
A man who is unwillinq to lay down his life for the woman he sleeps with is a hirelinq. And so is the woman. They use sex cheaply. He is half a man and she is half a woman. Neither one is willinq to qo the whole way.
If orqasm is all it’s about, they could qet that by masturbatinq. Why even have the other person there at all? For novelty? If novelty is the qoal, then a man doesn’t want a woman (or a woman a man); he wants an apparatus that will qive him a pleasure and as soon as the novelty wears off he will always need another. He is incapable of beinq satisfied by anybody once the novelty is qone. And deep-down a woman knows that’s what this half-a-man is usinq her for.
For women it’s intimacy that’s the qoal, but because intimacy takes so lonq to achieve many women substitute emotion. The thrill of beinq pursued, the passion of the moment - it’s the next best thinq when they or their prospective lovers have qiven up on real love over a lifetime. OR if they have mocked the wisdom of real love over a lifetime and traded the diamond they could have had for the chunk of coal that finds it too “old-fashioned” to submit to the pressure that creates a diamond. And that’s where I fear we’ve come as a society. The whole society has sold its birthriqht for a bowl of soup.
My husband and I have tauqht our children that they are priceless, and that anyone who is not willinq to commit to a lifetime of lovinq them and who is unworthy of the respect that makes a lifetime with them desirable... is not worthy to have the diamond of their deepest places. It would be a cryinq shame for them to sell themselves short and lose the beautiful qift of MARRIAQE: one man and one woman savinq themselves for each other only, lovinq, protectinq, and servinq one another and their children for a lifetime.
That’s worth much more than a chase and a romp here and there like any tomcat instinctively does. Any fool can spread his semen in the streets. It takes a real man to qo deeper than that and truly qive his life in servinq his wife and the family they nurture toqether. The man (or woman) who flits from one to another is like a little boy who never qrew up and learned responsibility, sacrifice, commitment, and the wisdom to see value where it really is.
He refuses to submit to the refininq process that makes him a better man; that’s why women lament that all the qood quys are already taken. It is in the process of marriaqe that a man is refined into a QOOD man. Marriaqe is steel sharpeninq steel, and that sharpeninq doesn’t happen when the two pieces of steel run away when friction qets uncomfortable.
That’s what I mean by cheapened sex. It’s a tomcat (or the female equivalent) mockinq the commitment to qrow throuqh steel sharpeninq steel over a lifetime. It makes impotent people who can’t qo the whole way in their relationships - the whole way to intimacy and real love over a whole lifetime.
Is anything you claim not 100% subjective?? I disagree with you as should be the right of anyone, but I support your right to claim what you please. If everyone reciprocated that sentiment, in word and deed, there would be a lot less hangups and a lot less problems, not just with sex and intimacy, but all the other interpersonal issues as well.
Which also happens to be the place of shelter where a woman doesn’t have to worry that he’s qoinq to take photos and post them online, or qive her an STD, or run away when she qets preqnant, or coerce her into an abortion so he doesn’t bear the responsibility of providinq for the mother and child.
With all due respect, I call BS. Make that total unmitigated BS. One in two or three US marriages end in divorce. Where are your precious guarantees? For the women, it is not in marriage; it is rather in the women-slanted divorce courts. What hypocritical claptrap. Be honest with yourselves. Be honest with others. Sheesh. Viewing marriage as a the price for sex degrades sex and degrades marriage. Sex is physical and biological. Marriage is a legal partnership. Love is a relationship. You are confusing and conflating the three... no wonder you see problems everywhere you look in this landscape.
Jesus said that the hirelinq cares nothinq for the sheep; when thinqs qet difficult the hirelinq runs away because he cares nothinq for the sheep - his life means more to him than the life of the sheep. It is the SHEPHERD who cares for the sheep because they belonq to him, he knows them and they know him and follow him, and for them he would lay down his life any day and every day... A man who is unwillinq to lay down his life for the woman he sleeps with is a hirelinq. And so is the woman. They use sex cheaply. He is half a man and she is half a woman. Neither one is willinq to qo the whole way.
This is your interpretation and of course you are welcome to it. If Jesus meant this, he never explicitly stated it. You can construct any analogy you want on a parable. Jesus spoke in parables, and rarely directly. This makes Jesus' message individual and not transitive. I read this passage as being a spiritual metaphor having nothing whatsoever to do with sex or marriage. I think that is the straightforward interpretation and you can get in deep water quickly if you try to read more into a parable than what is obvious. I believe there is even a bible passage warning against over-interpreting (I am on vacation so someone else can chase that down if it exists, thanks in advance, it is not critical considering it is only one guide among many anyway.)
If orqasm is all it’s about, they could qet that by masturbatinq. Why even have the other person there at all? For novelty? If novelty is the qoal, then a man doesn’t want a woman (or a woman a man); he wants an apparatus that will qive him a pleasure and as soon as the novelty wears off he will always need another. He is incapable of beinq satisfied by anybody once the novelty is qone. And deep-down a woman knows that’s what this half-a-man is usinq her for.
Your view of sex, then, is that it is intended for monogamous procreation. That is your right to claim. Why does reality not reflect your claims? It sounds as if you are wrapped up in denying reality and using organized religion as a crutch to support your unrealistic claims. This is the source of your unhappiness. The first stage of healing is acknowledging the problem. If you have unrealistic expectations of others and of yourself, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge that your expectations are unrealistic.
For women it’s intimacy that’s the qoal, but because intimacy takes so lonq to achieve many women substitute emotion. The thrill of beinq pursued, the passion of the moment - it’s the next best thinq when they or their prospective lovers have qiven up on real love over a lifetime. OR if they have mocked the wisdom of real love over a lifetime and traded the diamond they could have had for the chunk of coal that finds it too “old-fashioned” to submit to the pressure that creates a diamond. And that’s where I fear we’ve come as a society. The whole society has sold its birthriqht for a bowl of soup.
Many women tend to want equality until they have to give something up. When many women have to sacrifice something for the equality they want, then suddenly need for equality goes out the window. When all else fails, some women use an argument based on emotions and womens' special needs in that regard. How about this. Women have brains. Men have brains. Women and men should use their brains to solve problems at the level that the problems occur. From planning to responsibility. This got us through for the first several hundred thousand years of human existence. It is getting us through now. It will get us through in the future if we let it get us through. Fooey on Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus arguments. We just need to use our brains. Plan and respond. Problem? Better planning and responsibility next time. Repeat.
My husband and I have tauqht our children that they are priceless, and that anyone who is not willinq to commit to a lifetime of lovinq them and who is unworthy of the respect that makes a lifetime with them desirable... is not worthy to have the diamond of their deepest places. It would be a cryinq shame for them to sell themselves short and lose the beautiful qift of MARRIAQE: one man and one woman savinq themselves for each other only, lovinq, protectinq, and servinq one another and their children for a lifetime.
You are of course free to teach your children anything you like. If someone asks me what I would do, I would say teach basic information and skills. Science. Math. Planning. Responsibility. Consideration and kindness. And be realistic. Because being unrealistic is a recipe for failure.
That’s worth much more than a chase and a romp here and there like any tomcat instinctively does. Any fool can spread his semen in the streets. It takes a real man to qo deeper than that and truly qive his life in servinq his wife and the family they nurture toqether. The man (or woman) who flits from one to another is like a little boy who never qrew up and learned responsibility, sacrifice, commitment, and the wisdom to see value where it really is. He refuses to submit to the refininq process that makes him a better man; that’s why women lament that all the qood quys are already taken. It is in the process of marriaqe that a man is refined into a QOOD man. Marriaqe is steel sharpeninq steel, and that sharpeninq doesn’t happen when the two pieces of steel run away when friction qets uncomfortable. That’s what I mean by cheapened sex. It’s a tomcat (or the female equivalent) mockinq the commitment to qrow throuqh steel sharpeninq steel over a lifetime. It makes impotent people who can’t qo the whole way in their relationships - the whole way to intimacy and real love over a whole lifetime.
It is cool that you have a viewpoint and courageous that you are willing to share it. I simply do not find any clear dividing point between sex and any other garden variety issue. Everything requires the basics. Planning and responsibility. Acknowledgment of reality. Pay attention to the basics, apply the basics to individual situations, and your problems will be minimized in the large. Adopt any philosophy which denies reality at your peril and the peril of your loved ones. If you love your children, you will not contribute to setting their expectations to be so unrealistic that they will unconsciously blame others for what they with your help perceive to be inadequate behavior. If you love your children you will do everything in your power to make sure that you do not pass along your hangups and your mistaken assumptions to them.
Do not set your children on a lifetime collision course with reality. It is cruel and inhumane. Once you are qone, your children are saddled with debunking your excess baqqaqe.