Posted on 02/23/2015 10:07:25 AM PST by Kaslin
Dear candidate for president of the United States:
Congratulations on your decision to pursue a career as leader of the free world. The following exam, while in no way comprehensive, is intended to assess your basic qualifications and level of occupational competency. Though a failing grade does not automatically exclude you from being elected by low-information voters, hipster millennials, liberal yuppies plagued by white guilt and lesbian feminists with sleeve tattoos, it does strongly indicate that you are better suited for a career in an industry requiring no experience whatsoever and few, if any, measurable skills.
Alternative career paths might include:
1. Community Organizer
2. Law professor at the University of Chicago
3. Serial bad golfer
4. Mom jeans model
INSTRUCTIONS: Circle the correct answer using a No. 2 Che Guevara pencil. You will have eight years to complete this exam.
1. There are how many “states” in the “United States of America”:
a. 50
b. 57
c. p
2. Your philosophy on governance most closely resembles that of:
a. George Washington
b. King George III
c. Steve Urkel
g. b and c
3. Who is more accurately described as “Father of the American Revolution”?
a. Samuel Adams
b. Saul Alinsky
c. Can we please move on? I have daddy issues
4. Which of the following best describes your college friends:
a. Fellow members of the Federalist Society
b. Black Panther militants who “did a little blow”
c. “Marxist professors and structural feminists”
d. b and c
5. The U.S. Constitution is:
a. A “living, breathing document”
b. A minor inconvenience
c. To be circumvented at every available opportunity
d. The supreme law of the land. It both limits the federal government and grants Congress certain enumerated powers. Those powers not expressly accorded the three branches of federal government are left to the states
e. a, b and c
6. America:
a. Is the land of the free and the home of the brave
b. Is exceptional
c. Is a shining city on a hill
d. Needs to be “fundamentally transformed”
e. a, b and c
7. Marriage is:
a. The union of a man and a woman
b. The union of a man and a man
c. The union of a man and a goat
d. Whatever. I’ve evolved
8. Children are best served when:
a. They have a mom and dad
b. They are not dead
c. They have two moms, two dads and/or a goat
d. They are dismembered alive and sucked into a biowaste container
e. a and b
f. c and d
9. The Islamic State is:
a. Jewish
b. Christian
c. Buddhist
d. Islamic
10. The Islamic State:
a. Are bloodthirsty, demon-possessed monsters who must be stopped at all costs
b. Behead Christian babies in front of their parents because of “unemployment”
c. “May have legitimate grievances”
d. b and c
11. Who dances in the streets when Christians and Jews are beheaded or otherwise burned alive?
a. The Amish
b. Mormons
c. Muslims
d. Trick question. Mormons can’t dance
12. Coptic Christians are best described as:
a. “Egyptian citizens”
b. Coptic Christians
13. Jews are best described as:
a. Jews
b. “Random people”
14. Which of the following is a serious threat to American citizens?
a. Freezing to death from global warming
b. Homophobia
c. Income inequality
d. Muslim orthodoxy
e. Repeal of the Affordable Care Act
15. Which best represents a clear and present danger to U.S. national security?
a. The Crusades
b. The Inquisition
c. Michael Savage
d. Islamic jihad
16. The founder of Islam was:
a. Moses
b. Jesus
c. A slave-trading, woman-beheading pedophile named Muhammad
d. L. Ron Hubbard
17. Adolf Hitler detailed his plans for world domination and extermination of the Jews in:
a. The War of the Worlds
b. The New York Times
c. Ladies’ underwear
d. Mein Kampf
18. Islam details its plans for world domination and extermination of the Jews in:
a. The Poky Little Puppy
b. The Audacity of Hope
c. Dancing Boy Magazine
d. The Quran
19. The future must not belong to:
a. Those who rape women
b. Those who behead children
c. Those who rape children and behead women
d. “Those who slander the prophet of Islam”
e. a, b and c
20. Islam:
a. Requires the summary execution of homosexuals
b. Stones to death, for adultery, women who have been raped
c. Treats women as chattel to be beaten with impunity
d. “Has a proud tradition of tolerance”
e. a, b and c
21. Ninety-nine percent of all global terrorism is committed by:
a. The Family Research Council
b. Pro-lifers
c. The tea party
d. Muslims
22. When interacting with those who wish to lop off your head, it is always best to:
a. Get them jobs
b. Tell them when and where you intend to attack
c. Kill them with kindness
d. Just plain kill them
e. a, b and c
23. When negotiating with those who have expressed an interest in raping your women and burning your children alive, the most effective strategy is:
a. Catch and release
b. Appeasement
c. To quickly help them achieve room temperature
d. a and b
24. When dealing with United States allies it is best to:
a. Accuse them of having “spat in our face”
b. Spy on them
c. Illegally interfere in their sovereign elections
d. Demand they stop hurting Muslims’ fists with their face
e. Treat them with respect and immediately come to their aid in times of trouble
f. a through d
25. Which statement most closely represents your Middle Eastern loyalties:
a. I will stand with Israel should the political winds shift in an ugly direction
b.”I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction”
Summary:
If you responded incorrectly to one or more of the above questions, then, regrettably, you are not qualified to hold office as president of the United States.
If you got them all wrong, then you’re probably a gay, Muslim communist.
Voting “present” 90% of the time during a short career as a state senator, and being a US senator for six months — doesn’t make someone qualified to be CIC?
Depends on what party the candidate belongs to
Obama would have trouble filling in his name at the top
A few corrections.
Steve Urkel had self reflection. “Did I do that” are words that have never been uttered by King Putt.
Dancing Boy Magazine should be replaced with Blue Boy Magazine.
That is all.
Alternate questions:
1. Does the US have 57 or 58 states?
2. Can a corpse and a man unite?
3. In Austria, do the people speak Austrian or some as yet undiscovered language?
"Take the Presidential Competency Exam!"
The problem with the idea of presidential competency exams is the following imo. They arguably ignore that the Oval Office is not the most powerful office in the land as Obama guard dog Fx News would like for people to think.
In fact, although patriots criticize Obama for spending so much time on golf courses, given the federal government’s constitutionally limited powers, and military issues aside, the Founding States had arguably intended for presidents to spend most of their time on golf courses.
Note that since the plurality of clauses in Congress’s constitutional Article I, Section 8-limited powers are military related, that being elected as federal lawmaker or president would be a good way to honor outstanding military retirees who still want to serve their country imo.
But as long as constitutionally clueless patriots unthinkingly continue to play “the Oval Office is the most powerful office in the land” game with Constitution-ignoring RINOs and Dems in DC, it’s just a matter of time before we have another president as lawless as Obama in the Oval Office.
Patriots need to exercise their voting muscle to peacefully force the corrupt feds to surrender state powers which they have stolen from the states back to the states.
I have a pen...Check.
I have a telephone...Check.
I am qualified to be President of the United States.
Steve Urkel would be a much better President than Obama. So would King George III.
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