Find him yourself.
Posted on 05/15/2017 5:34:55 AM PDT by Ciaphas Cain
Well, he didn’t prove HOW Jesus walked on water, but he certainly proved WHY.
Well i THOUGHT it was fake at first but the website has an actual picture of a real crocodile! Plus im sure there are like 50 anonymous eyewitnesses they forgot to mention. Must be legit. I am sure the pastor clicked this pic right before he was eaten.
“He said, ‘Jesus walked on the water’, and I know that it’s true. But sometimes I think that preacher man, would like to do a little walkin too.”
Assuming that the story is correct (it could be clickbait fiction). Three points:
1. The pastor, while full of faith, lacked common sense.
2. Unlike Jesus, the pastor was a mortal man.
3. Mortal men are tasty to crocodiles.
“A pastor has been killed after he was eaten by three crocodiles while trying to walk on water.”
three crocodiles? What, the Trinity of crocodiles?
“Jonathan “Mthethwa” Really? Buy a vowel!
“.....what is locally known as Crocodile River”
You just can’t make this stuff up, or can you?
“However, he did not make it across the (crocodile) river in Zimbabwe.”
Who could guess?
“the pastor, from the Satin of the Last Days church,
The Satin? Typo, must have meant Satan.
“...the Last Days church”
Well, it certainly was his last day in that church.
“managed to get around 90ft into the river before trying to climb onto the surface of the river”.
Actually, trying to climb onto the back of a crocodile.
All that was left of him was his underwear and his sandals.
Ya know, there are some things even crocodiles won’t eat! Sharted undies and stinky footwear.
I looked for a video link. Strange that not a single person witnessing this miracle thought to take a video. Oh well. Still a VERY credible story
“Do you think we should have told him where the underwater rocks were?” (as the minister and the priest mused while they watched their rabbi friend unsuccessfully try to mimic their ‘walking on water’ trick from the boat to the shore and back)
Find him yourself.
The message that they want all readers to hear:
“See, Jesus can’t save you!!!”
Actual moral of the story: “If you do stupid things, you’re on your own.”
The miracles of Jesus always point to a greater truth. That is the purpose of them. How they were done is irrelevant and really beyond our understanding anyway.
Leading candidate for this year’s Darwin Award.
The sad thing is this: People actually believe and try to be loyal to God and He always lets them down.
Thinking you are equal to Jesus does not make it so. Definitely a Darwin Award candidate.
“Satin of the Last Days”?
“Hail Satin, Dark Lord of high-thread count sheets!”
According to the Gospel of Satan.
Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
Letters I’ve written
Never meaning to send
You put the preacher in the crocodile
And mix it all up, whoa whoa ohh Doctor!
“Hey, if you don’t want to join my small gathering of drunk friends pulling slot machines’ tails while I badmouth people who work for a living, don’t come.” Todd Rundgren
Man I really hate it when that happens....
I don’t think anything can overcome stupidity!!!
On that river Jesus would have run on water.
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