Posted on 09/30/2018 11:32:28 AM PDT by Kaslin
It’s my wedding anniversary today. I got married to Phelim McAleer 17 years ago. I got so lucky, I’m so grateful. It’s amazing how in this wide, big world, people get to sometimes find the love of their lives and spend the rest of their lives with them. It’s a miracle, a blessing, the most priceless gift.
I tell anyone who wants to get married to treat meeting the right person like as if they have cancer. When people get cancer they are not casual about it, they are deadly serious and focused. They don’t chat to their friends and ask them for diagnostic advice because it’s a life or death thing. A good marriage is more important. It’s a key to a lifetime of happiness, even on our worst days there is nowhere I would rather be and no one I would rather be with than Phelim. Home is wherever he is.
I was recently asked about my marriage by a very nice young woman I met in DC. She asked how I met my husband and ended asking for advice for herself. When I said my marriage was a constant joy, the best thing that ever happened to me, she was shocked and genuinely happily surprised. She said she hears a lot of negative stories about marriage. It was hard meeting people she said and there were a lot of unimpressive guys around.
I told her she needed to meet everyone, go to everything, everywhere--don’t stay indoors expecting ‘the one’ to find her. It’s nice on the sofa watching bad TV but you could end up with a lifetime of LIFETIME if you’re not careful. Yes there could be a fire or emergency and some fabulous first responders might arrive and lo, there he is, but hoping for disaster to strike your condo is not an ideal way to live.
I luckily realized this necessity when my best friend and wing-woman up and met the love of her life and I was suddenly bereft, a reluctant solo adventurer. You know the scene in the movie Bridesmaids, where the best friend tells the Kristen Wig character she’s getting married and Kristen Wig puts on the biggest, fakest smile, yeah, that was me.
My search for love was fraught. I had some spectacular fails. Memorably I joined a car maintenance class wrongly believing it would be filled with men, you know because men like cars, right? Wrong. It was all women, fabulous funny women and we had a great time but my heart remained landlocked.
I decided I could improve my mind, get out of the house and maybe just maybe I’d meet someone if I attended political meetings, you know, became interesting myself. And that's how I came to meet Phelim in Glenties, Co.Donegal. He was a bit unkempt, had a mop of curls and terrorist facial hair. He also had a cheeky chappy dimpled smile and the twinkliest (is that even a word) eyes. I can’t say I knew the second I clapped eyes on him, after all there was all that facial hair. But it didn’t take long.
It might sound too perfect, do we argue? Oh yes, especially when he is driving, seriously why can’t he ever get in the correct lane? Why does he forget the one thing I’ve asked him to do a thousand times? Why at the airport just when our group is about to be called does he suddenly remember he needs to get a newspaper and leave me with his roller bag.
But Phelim is the first and only person who ever noticed I always leave a little tea at the bottom of the cup. He secretly had a precious cookery book of my late mother’s that was falling apart professionally rebound. He spent weeks sourcing someone to carve an awkward piece of driftwood we had found with a line of Longfellow poetry my mother was fond of saying (To Stay At Home is Best). In the last days of her life my mother had so little energy, she lay in bed mostly motionless, but when Phelim would come into her room, she gave him a thumbs up. She was an excellent judge of character.
Since we married in 2001 we have produced 6 documentaries, two plays, written a New York TImes bestseller and our first movie Gosnell is about to open on October 12th. We've lived in 4 countries and had 10 different homes. It's been a great adventure. And today, like every day, I'll say a little prayer of thanks for Phelim, I’m so grateful to chance, fate, and God that I got off the sofa.
Happy Anniversary, Phelim. You are my forever favorite person.
Men hunt.
Women hunt men.
Tinder
Ain't that the truth. They prey on men, while letting the man think he is wooing her. Once they get their hooks in, they begin the remodeling work. A man would be hard pressed to change a woman; but a woman usually changes the man (for the better I might add). They try to get the remodeling work done while young before time does its work on the woman. If the man resists, the relationship can go sour. If they both compromise, it can be a long loving relationship. Been with my wife nearly half a century and its all good.
Beautiful and so true, but unfortunately rare.
“Get off your couches, girlfriends, and maybe you’ll end up as happy as MEEEEEEEE!”
Stuff it, lady. You’ll wake the sleeping giants..
Love is too Shakespearean.
He on the other hand looks dazed, like he's just sobering up and thinking "Geez, what the heck have I gotten myself into???"
Not going to happen much anymore when a man merely asking a woman out can be construed as sexual harassment and wreck his life. MGTOW is becoming a real thing.
At the wedding reception it’s too late to chew your own arm off.
#MenToo
35 years of marriage will do that to a person. I feel like a rock in a mountain stream. My wife and I get along great now.. better than anytime in our lives. we're retired and life is great.
Can I assume this woman has had cancer and she really knows what she’s talking about? Because I don’t think she does.
I have been with Mr. RooRoo for 25 years now and I thank God every day for the gift of a wonderful husband. But to compare looking for a husband to having and fighting cancer is absurd.
I am a cancer survivor, and I am cancer-free. I can assure you that dealing with cancer is 1000 times more intense and scary as looking for a husband. The fear, the unknown, the doctor visits, surgeries, treatments—-these stop your life as you know it and consume nearly every waking thought you have. There is nothing scarier and more intense than this.
I’ve had my happy ending, but most of the patients of my oncologist did not have happy endings; being around these extremely sick and doomed people was absolutely terrifying.
I don’t think this lady knows what she’s talking about, I really don’t.
Fifty years ago, I looked across a crowded room and saw my wife to be. Last July, I looked into the commode and saw I was pissing pure blood due to cancer. Somehow, I just can’t see any similarity between the two.
I received my endometrial cancer diagnosis at the beginning of June this year.
My life was completely shattered, came to a screeching halt. Thankfully the tumor was small and class 1A ( the most benign a tumor can be and still be cancer). I had my entire reproductive system surgically removed in mid July, and I don’t require any further treatments. I am lucky and richly blessed.
I was finally able to go back to work last week. Even though I’ve had a happy ending, I’ve just been through the scariest four months of my life.
I wish you blessings and healing. God bless.
“as serious as cancer” is an expression, I think, like “serious as a heart attack”.
I attribute my successful hunt for a husband to a book I found on the bargain rack, “how to marry the man of your choice”. The most important wisdom in it was the following:
1. You can’t have a million perfectionist expectations about a man and then turn around and say, “I just want him to love me as I am.” You want him to be his best self, then YOU must be your best self.
2. You can’t sit at the bar and turn down each offer to dance until the right one comes along. The “right one” will see you turning down everybody and assume you are not in a mood to dance, and will find somebody else. Make yourself friendly and approachable to everyone, even people you would not want to marry, and the “right one” will notice that you are a kind and open person. He may even be a friend or colleague of one of the “not right” people you have been cordial to.
My husband was rejected out of hand by my other single friends because of this or that. I made a list of his faults and attributes. His faults were minor. His good qualities were major and would support happiness in marriage. Married over twenty years now and no regrets.
And best wishes to all who dare to take the leap and accept the challenge and the blessings of married life.
I was MGTOW before the term was coined. I gave up on women at 39. Life has been a lot more peaceful since then.
Loneliness I can handle. Dealing with angry or manipulative females is pure torment.
At age 60, I am that rare creature, the lifelong straight bachelor. Although I try to be a gentleman of the old school, I reserve my best manners for females either outside my acceptable age range or happily married.
As for the latter group, I have a few couples who have sort of “adopted” me, meaning that I never lack for invitations around the holidays. God bless them — not only for their hospitality but because they never try to fix me up with any of their unmarried friends.
When you get to late middle age, nearly the only available females are divorced with grown kids and complicated personal lives. Not to mention debts and medicine chests stuffed with Prozac and Valium.
Such women should be avoided, and I must admit to a certain pleasure in ignoring them without being too obvious about it. After all, not being at least civil would reflect badly on me.
Likewise. If she thinks those are the “twinkliest” eyes, what Irish gaol was she using for a dating list? OTOH, he’s apparently thoughtful and she’s appreciative. Best wishes.
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