Good post and I NEVER said I was quick to blame them.
In fact i chose my words carefully.
You are Underestimating the impact parents have.
This board can’t have it both ways.
Ad neither can you. I’m sorry.
...the impact parents have.
____________
I’m one of those who overcame BOTH familial mental illness and the culture of the 60s/70s. Of course parents have an impact. But it is the nature of people to rebel. Some survive the rebellion. Others keep going until the inevitable moment when they are simply out of options and succumb to whichever one they are currently within.
It’s often ‘both ways’. Wish it wasn’t. If there was a formula to guarantee the raising of a competent, contributing adult, it would work in all instances. But it doesn’t.
Some believe there are no gray areas, either. To them, everything is black or white (can I even say that today?)But black, in terms of pigment, is a combination of all colors and white is the absence of all color (altho it gets confusing because there is white pigment). It is different when discussing light. In both, there are gradations. Gradations overlap at the edges and create new colors, tones, shades.
Good people can have bad kids. Bad people can have good kids. Some can withstand the culture. Some cannot. Blame is often a function of frustration. It simplifies things.
There are plenty examples of good families with great kids, and that one that stands out because he just won’t get right & breaks everybody’s heart.