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Some old but still useful liberal dictionary entries for your entertainment - includes sample interpretive guide

Incorrect Thought
02/26/2004
The PIF’s Short Dictionary of Environmental Language

For use in translating excerpt from TV news cast (and similar documents) below:
A
Abundance, n.
1. archaic, (this word has been expunged - no definition available).

Activist, n.
1. A paid rabble rouser.
2. True believer.
syn. demonstrator.

Authority, n.
1. (See: scientist).

C
Children, n.
1. Offspring of environmental leaders. Used in phases such as: “...preserved (it) for our children.”

Condemnation, n.
1. A process, usually involving local, state and/or federal agencies, used to take something belonging to someone else for free.
2. An overwhelming rebuttal to arguments against definition one.
3. Preferred reply for authorities when confronted with a fact which contradicts their opinion.

Conservation, n.
1. The process of protecting something for future generations of children. (Not to be confused with conservative.)

Conservative, n.
1. Reactionary force or individual.
syn. enemy, vile, evil, intolerant, republican, Nazi.

D
Defense Fund, phrase.
1. An appellation applied to some activist organizations for the purpose of attacking something disliked.

E
Endangered, adj.
1. Something proven by environmental science as scarce.

Environment, n.
1. Anything or anyplace. Often used as adjectival modifier as in ‘the environmental science of...’

Expert, n.
1. (See: scientist).

Extinction, n.
1. The condition of evoking fear and panic.
2. (See: natural resource worker).

F
Fact, n.
1. An unnecessary contrivance. Used only for Public persuasion, else an unnecessary consideration.
2. Something often obscured or hidden by scientists in order to gather more funds to continue their project.

Farmer, n.
1. Individuals who use land to spread poison and kill helpless animals.
2. archaic: Individuals making a hard and difficult living on land to feed other people.
syn. rancher.

Fisherman (commercial), n.
1. A rapist and pillager of the sea.
2. Common criminal of the worst sort: often referred to as “worse than child-molesters.”
3. Often used synonymously for ‘greedy.’
4. archaic, Individuals making a dangerous living at sea to feed other people.

Foundation, n.
1. Funding source for environmental activists and environmental scientists.

G
Global, adj.
1. All encompassing word used to make a local issue into a world-wide cause.

Global Warming, phrase.
1. Atmospheric condition causing the demise of modern human society.
2. Weather condition causing unusually cold winters.
3. Phrase useful for generating new laws, regulations, and funds.
4. archaic: A process generated by many factors, fluctuating with solar output. The process was first noted during the Precambrian 750-550 million years ago, then in the Carboniferous-Permian 320-270 million years ago, and followed by the Late Tertiary-Quaternary 2.5 million years ago -10,000 years ago.

H
Homeless, adj.
1. (See: natural resource worker).
2. Condition of rural peoples before they migrate to urban areas.

L
Lack, n.
1. An intolerable condition.
2. When identified can become a profitable cause to rally supporters.

Land, n.
1. An area belonging to someone else, studied for potential, defended,then protected by an environmental group for later profitable resale.

Legal Fund, phrase.
1. An appellation applied to some activist organizations for the purpose of gathering high-priced lawyers to sue and regulate rural individuals or small groups out of existence.

M
Miner, n.
1. A rapist and pillager of Mother Earth.
2. archaic: Individuals making a dangerous living by digging in the earth for metals and minerals useful for making things.

N
Natural Resource Worker, phrase.
1. archaic: This phrase has been expunged - no definition available, although the controversial term is believed by fringe historians to once been applied to Commercial Fishermen, Farmers, Timber Workers - aka Loggers, and Miners

P
Perception, n.
1. Image created by scientists and supporters, especially those in the media.

Polluter, n.
1. Those agents which cause the condition of pollution.

Pollution, n.
1. Noxious emissions generated by any human activity.
2. Conditions arising after 1400 A.D.

Potential, adj.
1. Something which if properly identified might generate public support and donations.

Private Property, phrase.
1. Land belonging to, or under the control of, an environmental group or trust.
syn. national park, national forest.

Protection, n.
1. The process of condemning and confiscating property belonging to someone else.

R
Rancher, n.
1. Defilers of national forests - see private property.
2. archaic: Individuals raising cattle under difficult conditions to feed other people.
syn. farmer

Republican, n.
1. (See: conservative)

Researcher, n.
1. (See: scientist).

S
Scarcity, n.
1. The process of identifying a ‘perceived lack’ or creating the perception thereof.

Science, n.
1. The process of gathering opinions of self-identified authorities and presenting them as ‘facts.’

Scientist, n.
1. Person claiming scientific credentials, not necessarily in discipline of subject matter.
2. Useful idiot with gravitas.
syn. researcher, expert, authority.
3. Highly over-educated personages not noted for their use of common sense when approaching a problem.
4. Sometimes referred to as Scientician
4a. Term describing the political corruption of a scientist.
4b. Person working in the sciences willing to alter and/or ignore observations and research to conform to the political correct thinking or policy of any particular age.

Species, n.
1. Something with an unpronounceable name in a foreign or dead language.
2. Something that was once either a nuisance, useful, or eatable.

Supporter, n.
1. Shock troop.
2. Source of petty cash.
3. Media talking-head.
4. Useful idiot, general purpose.
5. archaic: Item of male attire

T
The Public, phrase.
1. Vast body of humans.
2. Objects easily led in desired directions by pronouncements from supporters and scientists.
syn. ignorant, uneducated, city-dweller.

Thorn in their side, phrase.
1. Any living thing which causes unacceptable problems for Environmental Workers and other Wise people.

Threatened, adj.
1. Something identified as a potential scarcity.

Timber worker, phrase.
1. A rapist and pillager of Mother Earth.
2. archaic: Individuals making a dangerous living on land by chopping down trees useful for making things.

Trust, n.
1. A source of funds.
2. An organization dedicated to protecting Private Property (see above).
3. An unquestioning condition adopted by the public in response to authorities.

Trust Fund, phrase.
1. Bottomless source of ready cash. Having one or more of these guarantees a leadership position within an environmental group - the larger the fund, the higher the position.

U
Undocumented Workers, phrase.
1. (Latino) Salt of the earth, hardworking, taxpayers, non-English speakers.
syn. co-citizens
2. (Islamic) Allies.
3. archaic: Illegal aliens, Law-breakers, Wet Backs

Use, n.
1. Determinations made by wise people, usually by leaders of an environmental group.

W
Wilderness, n.
1. Areas free of human pollution.
2. Areas accessible only to the environmentally concerned.
3. Areas returned to pre-1400 AD conditions.
syn. private property.

Wise, n.
1. A member of an environmental group.
2. A member of the liberal elite

Wise-use, phrase.
1. An appellation applied by wise people to a particular area of interest, usually involving land.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Using the above dictionary it is possible to correctly interpret an environmental jargon-laden piece from the News at Six with John Tree-Mater:

“... Land Trust announced in a morning press conference, they had won a major victory for the environment with its successful defense before the US Supreme Court. The Court ruled that individual ranchers and farmers had no inherent right to water, only privileges. Noting that both groups - in failing to show good stewardship - had forfeited those privileges, the Court ordered all operations to cease and the land vacated forthwith. The condemnation was so ordered.

“For more on this landmark ruling, we turn to Kelly-Anne Hawker-Snorums, our reporter on the spot.

“Kelly-Anne, was there any one thing which put the ... Land Trust over the top, legally speaking?”

“Yes John, it was the voluminous testimony of scientists, researchers and other environmental authorities and experts citing proven facts on the horrendous environmental damage done by farmers and ranchers committed in the course of their daily operations. We were told that the many images of the extensive damage to the land visibly horrified the jury. Particularly gruesome were the images of cow-paddies in and near small creeks on national forest land.”

“And Kelly-Anne, what did the farmers have to say about this ruling?”

“Well, as you might imagine, they were a fairly glum lot. Most of them are conservatives politically, and this was really upsetting. I asked them what they thought about the land being turned into wilderness under the benevolent stewardship of the ... Land Trust. Their replies were all over the map, but one thing stood out. None of them could understand why the species: indecipherous speculous ratum weedi was listed as an endangered species. They claimed it was virtually impossible to eradicate and had always been a thorn in their side.

“And the ranchers for their part, failed completely to understand why their cattle were now considered polluters and threats to the watershed when they had used the land for over a century.”

“Kelly-Anne, what about their families?”

“They had been expecting this ruling, and had been packing for sometime. Just behind me you can see their pickups filled with their worldly goods moving off toward the Interstate.”

“What about the ... Land Trust? Did they have any further statements?”

“Yes, John. They were very happy that the land would now be protected for all time and excited at the prospect of seeing the land turned back to wilderness - so that future generations of children would grow up experiencing the earth as it was meant to be. They stated - and I’m quoting now: ‘This was not only a win for our children, but would go a long way in mitigating global warming.”

“They also thanked their legal fund, the many scientists, legions of demonstrators and supporters for pushing for this wise-use of the land. They also thanked the public for their many emails and letters of support. They promised to create a special website for the enthusiastic school children to thank them for all the letters they wrote to the state’s politicians supporting the defense fund.

“The only other comments the ... Land Trust made were to deny the unfounded rumors of any plans to use undocumented workers for the restoration or plans to sell off five-acre tracts to members of the leadership. They also denied any plans to kill the cattle.

“This pretty much completes the sweeping victories the ... Land Trust has had, obtaining similar rulings involving the timber and mining industries. Just a few years ago their sister organization ... Ocean Trust was granted like rulings concerning commercial fishing. Back to you, John.”

“Thank you, Kelly-Anne Hawker-Snorums for that insightful report.

“Turning to other city news, the Mayor noted a sharp increase in the number of the homeless, calling on the conservative republican White House to make relief funds available and avoid needless suffering. The White House declined comment.

“Next up, after a short break, we’ll bring you reports on the astounding increase in importation and price of beef and produce. There are increasing conservative claims about health risks from eating these foods. Some are calling for the federal government to do something, but authorities denied their perceptions as misleading and fear-mongering. Members of the Public are outraged that grocery stores will now outsource their food growing operations. After the break. Stay tuned.”

—PIF - 02/26/04
Revised 3/23/04