“I’m usually the best with a snappy retort.”
Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it’s a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.
Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we’re giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I’m giving a ticket to this crazy street because it’s going the wrong way.
Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve — we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One — my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don’t know — I can’t count that high, either.
Rodney Dangerfield
https://youtu.be/c2gw-asbBIM
Thanks, I needed some laughs.