My 2nd son was diagnosed with ADHD early on, and refused meds. He would put tests in his desk rather than turning them in. He got poor grades.
Even now (he’s a Computer Science major in college) he doesn’t know that Thurs comes after Tues or that June comes after May (”executive functioning issues”), but he’s a ranked chess player and fabulous coder and self-taught great ragtime piano player. It’s about pattern recognition. He’s “neurodivergent,” as they say.
I’m moving him out of his dorm tomorrow for the summer and I can’t wait to see him! ADHD is frustrating for him and others; it’s too bad he refused meds as they would have helped him I think but at this point he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. . .
My son with ADHD (I have it, too) started medication at the age of 9 at the doctor’s suggestion. By the time he was 15 he decided no more, and refused to take it. I had tried the meds, too. They were less effective than I had wished. I kept needing to increase the dosages, and then to deal with the anxiety it produced, upped the antidepressants, too. After many years of treatment, which never worked, I was weaned off of the antidepressant and the ADHD meds. I feel 100% better. Real life is real life, and there are no easy answers. Medication made things worse for both of us. So don’t fault your son, and don’t think that meds are a panacea. They are not. I’m so glad he has found ways to succeed that suit him.
Actually he seems better off than my oldest who was put on meds. Later in high school he turned to drugs, starting with pot. Now he is engaged to a Dutch girl, drugs are regular, responsibilities are not. At almost 30 he seems stuck at the very age he started meds.