Posted on 01/01/2002 1:27:41 PM PST by Psycho_Bunny
What do you see, over and over again in movies, that pisses you off?
1) There is nothing that can be placed in a motion picture which irritates the hell out of me more than a exceptionally bright, mature and self-possessed child. After years of this stupidity I've finally given it a name : Jurassic Park Syndrome.
Long-gone are the days of Shirley Temple, when children in movies were portrayed as 'cute' and, while they might have been placed in adult situations now and again, they were never wholly divorced from their childishness.
Now, in movie after movie after movie ad nauseam, we have Jurassic Park Syndrome shoved down our throats. Over and over, the Big Screen tells us that children aren't children at all but, fully mature and extremely well educated brains in small bodies. They have remarkable gifts, too - for instance, it takes less than a minute for the average 12-year old to crack into computers programmed by adults with Masters Degrees in Software Engineering from MIT.
Also, they are calm, cool and resourceful 'under fire'. It seems that the child's irrational fear of Whatever-Is-Under-The-Bed or the Monsters-In-The-Closet is nothing but a ruse. When push comes to shove, it's the children that keep their calm once the 15-foot monster actually shows up. While adults run around pulling their hair out and screaming, it's the children that cunningly devise A Plan to Save Everyone.
Of course, the problem with Jurassic Park Syndrome is that we've all met children. That being the case, it's 100% impossible to suspend the disbelief in their "super-abilities": children are almost entirely bereft of cognitive thought and can frequently be scared to death with a craftily made sock-puppet. We, in the audience, all know these are the facts. Stop telling us different.
Sure, there's smart kids out there but they're not 'Hey, let's build a skyscraper' smart. Sure, some children are brave but mostly it's a bravery born of being too stupid to know they should be scared. I don't think 'Aww, Mr. Lion is cute! I want to pet him' should be counted as true bravery.
2) Why are Bad-Guy Politicians ALWAYS conservatives? Well, there's two reasons for this: the primary factor is, of course, Hollywood Liberalism.
Screenwriters are flaming liberals...and they have to be. In order to portray human emotional conflict on the screen, writers have to be abnormally in touch with emotions. Given that liberalism is all about the Politics of Feelings but, conservatism requires a high degree of intellectual clearness of thought, screenwriters are forced to be liberals. They're simply helpless when faced with conservatism. They don't understand it: "How can the Head triumph over the Heart?"
As far as most screenwriters are concerned, there should be a feel-good solution to every problem in the world. And, maybe they're right but, the difference between liberals and conservatives is that conservatives know there isn't.
There's a second, more subtle, reason why Bad-Guy Politicians are always conservatives: PLAUSIBILITY.
Lets say you have to write a script about an "evil politician that's hatching an elaborate plan to take over the world". Who are you going to base your character on: Condi Rice or Maxine Waters? Dick Cheney or Tom Daschle? Hey: you're going to pick the conservative every time. Nobody's gonna buy that some pinhead liberal, who's probably too stupid to coordinate a sock drawer, has hatched a plan which threatens to lead them into control of the earth.
Sure, the liberal may take over by an accident of sheer stupidity, but the plot has to be interesting and thus, requires a well-thought plan.
Subsequently, your bad guy HAS to be a conservative.
3) Formulas. If I catch anything stronger than a whiff of a formula in a movie I leave the theatre. A formula means one of two things: either the author was too retarded or too lazy to come up with an intelligent story. Either way, my time has more value than their efforts are entitled to. I view the $8.00 admission price as "Money I lost by accident".
I learned at an early age that there is no shame in walking out of a stupid movie: the weather outside is ALWAYS better than a piece of crap flick.
3B) Club Cuts. Has there ever been ONE movie, ever, that cuts to a scene in a Jazz, Strip or Dance club that doesn't cut to it at the very beginning of a song? And why do directors insist on making us watch 1 to 4 minutes of the singing, stripping or dancing before panning to the characters and continuing with the movie?
If a movie cuts to the protagonists place of business, do we have to suffer through 3 minutes of office personnel shuffling paperwork in their day-to-day jobs? What's different with the clubs? ENOUGH WITH THE CLUB CUTS ALREADY!
Jeez.
4) Advert Phrases. This isn't so much about movies as it is an INDICATOR of a movie. If there is any press clipping, television advertisement, movie poster, or 'The Making Of' TV fluff-piece that uses either the phrase "In the tradition of XYZ" or "It's (One good movie) meets (Another good movie)" then you know, for absolute certain, the film in question sucks. Sucks Big Time.
Not only does the film suck but, it's entirely probable that watching it will induce you to being genuinely angry at the director, actors, writers, producers and any other person that had anything to do with the project. Your anger will be so complete that any time, years down the line, that the film is casually mentioned at a diner party or in the company break-room, your eyes will widen and you will briefly be singed with a flared temper all over again.
Do everyone a favor: if you see either of these phrases on a box-cover at Blockbuster, put the movie down and keep walking down the aisle.
I heard the reason they do that is so they can get an "R" rating; or close to it. I never have figured out why, because "G" rated movies make more money.
Real comment: people who back up in slasher movies.
How about the obligatory scene of the heroes outrunning a fireball from an explosion? Fireballs move at somewhere around 300 mph in real life, so these guys should all be in the Olympics.
I have no objection to spectacular stunts, as long as they bear some relationship to reality. That's why Jackie Chan is so much fun. You know his stunts are real.
In recent years, the term has become more literal, as with the examples I cited. The caricature of the wise-in-the-ways-of-the-universe MN in movies gets worse all the time.
I'll bet you loved "The Quiet Man".
Yeah, mombonn, agree on everything but you missed the writers.
When I see a soldier and they have something wrong with the uniform. The most glaring is someone wearing ribbons on their utility (work) uniform, or in some cases the actual decoration and medals.
The actual medals and decorations are generally only worn on very special occasions.
The military, unlike civilians, wear their “resume” on their uniform. Everything on a uniform means something. Some are decorations, earned by some action on the part of the wearer, some are medals earned by participation in campaign or action (not always during war time). Some are just good conduct medals. Some are badges earned by knowing a special skill or passing a test.
With few exceptions, each branch of service have their own set of badges, medals and insignias.
Most vets can look at someone in uniform (from their branch of service) and immediately know a lot about the person.
There really should never be any mistakes. I know it is the job of wardrobe to provide this stuff, but it does not take much research to get it right. I always thought the easiest thing to do was get real pictures of real men (and women) in uniforms and just copy what they are wearing.
I remember once seeing a movie with these guys all in there dress uniforms. Every thing seemed to be in proper place. It was an outdoor scene, and they must have filmed portion in the morning and portion in the afternoon. The entire scene was all suppose to be at the same time, but sun must of moved and the shadows were wrong, and so someone simply reversed the afternoon shot so as you see these guys outside the scene cuts away and then back and like magic, everything is reversed. All their badges and ribbons were on the wrong side. I guess they thought no-one would notice.
The younger someone is, the less they should have on their uniform (unless you are Audi Murphy).
Besides the uniform thing, I wish the special effects guys would take a box of grenades out and toss a few. Hey guys, there is not big flaming explosion.
Sound is slower than the speed of light. If you see a big gun fired in the distance, it will be a few seconds before you hear it.
Anyway, these are my pet peeves.
Didn't see that one, because MI1 was so bad there was no way I was going to shell out for the sequel. Their flying a helicopter in the Chunnel and then Tom being blown off the chopper onto the speeding train was beyond cartoonish. Even Wily Coyote couldn't have pulled that one off!
There are lots of truly spectacular things to do, why do things that aren't spectacular because they aren't believable?
That's how theaters stay in business. Their cut of ticket sales is shockingly low. Anyone here in the business with an accurate figure? Last time I talked to a theater owner -- several years ago -- his cut for each ticket sold was something like 50 cents. The biz at the theater level is all about popcorn and Cokes.
MM
This carries over to television as well, not that I watch it anymore. Ever notice that judges more often than not are black women? And that people in positions of power are black far more than their percentage of the population?
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