Posted on 07/15/2002 6:18:02 AM PDT by yendu bwam
Losing the Ties That Bind Paul Craig Roberts July 13, 2002
Whatever became of marriage? Cultural conservatives blame the decline of marriage on the sexual revolution, which destroyed the chastity of women. Men don't marry, say the conservatives, because sex is available outside marriage.
There is, of course, something to this view, but it is hardly the whole story. Sex has always been available outside marriage. Call girls are cheaper than wives, and a prostitute costs no more than a date.
Men married for love, children and family. They would still do so, only the culture – and women – have changed.
When I inquire of men in their 30s why they remain unmarried, a few give the hedonistic answer, but most deny that they are unable to make commitments and assume responsibility. Marriage, men say, has been undermined by a lack of female and societal commitment.
The fickleness of women, men argue, is no longer constrained by concerns with reputation and by laws that require real grounds for breaking up a marriage and a family.
A wife can walk out at any time – with another man, if she wishes – and take your children, your house, half of your pension and half of your income. If you make a fuss over child custody, she can gun you down with accusations of child molestation.
Even if a father is awarded joint legal custody, the mother usually has actual custody. It is up to her whether the father's visitation rights are honored.
Professor Stephen Baskerville at Howard University in Washington, D.C., is an expert on family courts. For most men, divorce and its aftermath are a Gestapo experience. There's not a man alive who doesn't know someone who has been through the experience. Indeed, the experience never finishes with a man.
Men say that women's lack of commitment is evident in the fact that the vast majority of divorces, family quarrels and acts of domestic violence are initiated by women. Yet, from start to finish, men are regarded as the villains. Society's image of divorce is the successful executive who dumps his dowdy wife for a young blonde bombshell. The propaganda is ubiquitous that domestic violence means men beating women.
Men maintain that the position of a husband in a marriage is untenable. Formerly, there was a division of labor and authority among the spouses. Today, working wives have financial independence, and divorce laws and family courts give them the upper hand in any dissolution of the relationship. Husbands know this and, consequently, have lost their share of authority. The wife cracks the whip, and when she is no longer pleased, she leaves with your assets.
I have listened to men debate what can be done. They doubt Baskerville will succeed in reforming family courts and don't believe that heterosexual men will organize politically like feminists and homosexuals.
Recently, I heard the view expressed that multiculturalism would provide a solution. Men will return to marriage, a young man said, when the bride brings a large dowry that remains the husband's property regardless of what happens to the relationship. The dowry would offset the risks that make it foolish for men to marry.
Heads nodded in agreement, but one spoke out, saying that more would need to be imported from India's customs. He had in mind child betrothals and child brides. It was the only way in this day and time, he said, to acquire a wife who didn't have the sexual experience of a prostitute by the time she reaches marriage age.
Conservatives are right – but for the wrong reason – that the sexual revolution has undermined marriage. Men see women as damaged goods and feel funny about marrying a woman who might have shared a bed with a number of the wedding guests.
It is called the double standard, but many men believe that promiscuity does not suit women. They believe that a woman who has had many partners cannot bind emotionally with a husband. She is never his. The emotive ties that bind a woman to a man are lost to professionalism or to indifference.
None of this is to deny that individual men can be jerks, neglectful and abusive, but the decline of marriage is not caused by personalities.
Women think men don't care, but men are far more aware of the problem than women. I was a young professor when it all started and watched a campus turn into a brothel. The male students were perplexed, even the left-wing ones who had been taught to regard female chastity as oppression. I still remember the resident Marxist who, high on peyote, came to me to complain that "nice girls are ruining themselves."
Men organize as a political group, that's a thought? What would we say? The queers and dykes would howl.
I know a great number of men who want women who respect marriage as a Godly life-long commitment, who haven't made the rounds with scores of men, who put family and children first in their list of priorities. Very hard to find today.
Fair question. As a devout Christian, I believe that I have that responsibility. But that doesn't take away the fact that many men (who may not believe they have that resonsibility) are looking for women who are chaste. You may think that's unfair. It's just a reality that many women who want to get married ignore. Most men, in my experience, don't want a wife who has 'done the rounds' with many men. I think there are good reasons for this. You may disagree.
Yes.
Carolyn
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Good ones!
Someone once said, "Instead of getting married again I'm gonna find some woman I hate and buy her a house." Or something along those lines.
For some reason I think it was Waylon Jennings who said this, but could be wrong.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.