The government today came under fire from all sides after the publication of the White Paper Two Birds with One Stone: The Future of Education.
The controversial paper, which outlines plans for state-sponsored teacher training for convicted sex offenders, has surprised many. Just last month a Gallup poll asked: "Do you think the government will flood schools with sex offenders during this parliament?", to which 100% of those surveyed answered "No" or "Unlikely".
Secretary of state for Education, Estelle Morris, today explained the rationale behind the surprisingly immoral move. "I was speaking to David Blunkett about the teacher recruitment crisis, when he suggested that we could make use of the sex offenders register. He explained that most people on the list would have trouble finding work elsewhere, and several would appreciate the opportunity to work with children. It's a captive recruitment ground."
What did Morris — a mother of two — think of this suggestion? "Well, I naturally found the very notion utterly sickening... yet really rather practical. The numbers certainly seem to add up."
Tony Blair has praised the new paper and suggested that it is likely to be the first of many unconscienable-yet-feasible initiatives. These could include replacing the controversial fuel duty with a form of "disability tax" because, says transport secretary Steven Byers "wheelchairs don't need petrol".