Child Support and the Forced Father

The Opinion ^ | 20 Jan 03 | Angelica Haycook

[Mr. Silverback]

It goes now, and always has gone, that the father of a child (if absent from the child's life) is to pay child support in order for the mother to better care for the child conceived by the two people. This is a good idea, for many women have a hard time holding down a full-time job that pays well, while taking care of a child. Also, the father should have a responsibility towards the child they conceived together.

However, some cases have come to my attention in a personal incident, and I cannot help but think that the legal system is overlooking something important. There are women, who are in a relationship with a man, who have promised the man that she is on some form of birth control. Then the man comes to find that she is not, in fact, on birth control or, the woman stops taking her birth control without informing her partner.

The man, being in a relationship, feels that he can trust his partner and then finds that he has been deceived. The woman has become pregnant without his knowledge or consent, therefore inflicting the responsibility of a child upon herself. The man, feeling hurt and angered by her deception, leaves the relationship and later receives papers for child support.

The courts overlook the fact that the man had no knowledge of the woman's failure to continue the said birth control she was supposedly taking. He has been forced to be a father without his consent. They just look at the fact that he had unprotected sex with her and force him to pay child support. They forget that he was deceived and, if one cannot trust a person with whom they are in a long-term relationship, who can they trust?

Should this child truly be his responsibility or should the mother, who inflicted the pregnancy upon herself, without her partner's consent, have to take on the responsibility of raising the child on her own based upon the fact that she wanted the child in the first place and the man did not? In saying that she was on birth control and never telling the man that she had discontinued such medication, she has essentially promised him that he will not be having any unwanted children. So, any children that result from her negligence to take the birth control she informed him she was taking, should be solely her responsibility.

[mlmr]

He doesn't sleep when he is at your house on weekends? Odd.

[sharktrager]

I never said that. However, if you would bother toread what I wrote, When I have him he and I are together. I don't see paying for his school AND acting like she's a full time nanny.

Again, the State of Texas has determined that the custodial parent spends a grand total of 72 more hours a year with the child than the non-custodial parent. You want to give her credit for the extra 72-hours? OK...add $720 to her side. That doesn't even come close to closing the gap

All you have done is prove my point. The ignorant masses have swallowed the line that the mother is screwed in a divorce hook, line and sinker.

[sharktrager]

Oh, and the 72-hours comes about due to a full month of custody during the summer.

Her 63% is on a week in/week out basis. Bring in the summer, and then number drops to 54/46...but she's the only one caring for the child in your world.

Right.

[cyborg]

I didn't know humans suddenly became worms where we can impregnate ourselves :-(

How sad. Don't have sex if you don't want babies. See? God knows what He's talking about.

[JoeSixPack1]

If the courts cared about the kids, Dads would get custody much more often.

[mlmr]

Actually not ignorant masses. I am speaking from my experience with many, many middle class men and women in my community, in my work and in my church who have been divorced. Time after time I see how poorly the courts have treated them and how well the father does.

I am not being brainwashed. I just call em as I see em. Your situation may be different, but certainly not the norm that I have seen.

[Unassuaged]

I agree, who would trust a woman to not get pregnant?, only a fool.

[P.O.E.]

As usual with good-intentioned policies, they have unexpected negative consequences. Being assured that she and her offspring will be financially taken care of (albeit by the state, directly or indirectly), it removes the moral hazard on behalf of the female.

Now, it's the male who has to be the ever-circumspect one (quite a turn of events from even a few generations ago).

I'm not absolving men, mind you, just trying to point out a change in the dynamics of the thing.

The sexual revolutionaries of the 20th century wanted change, but change cannot occur without some form of destruction (sometimes good, sometimes bad). And unfortunately, it is the children that are paying the price.

[Terriergal]

There are women, who are in a relationship with a man, who have promised the man that she is on some form of birth control.

Solution - don't have sex unless you are willing to live with and take FULL responsibility for the consequences.

[Terriergal]

Fool? Are you casting pregnancy in a negative light here?

[Terriergal]

I've seen too many examples of woman looking for a free ride

Men are always looking for a free 'ride.' Even the good men struggle with the temptation. Women are not the only culprits in this situation. The only time I feel sorry for a man is when he has NOT had sex with a woman and she gets child support from him because no one has bothered to prove him innocent.

What's more valid, the *his* drive to have sex, or *her* drive to reproduce?

[Terriergal]

LOL!

[Terriergal]

YIKES. I wonder how those critters get out when there has been a vasectomy THAT long before!

[Terriergal]

If the woman can choose then the man should be able to choose as well.

Yeah but the woman *shouldn't* be able to choose to kill her child once it's conceived... so offering the man the opportunity to be evil/irresponsible does not help the problem.

[Mamzelle]

re: Should this child truly be his responsibility or should the mother, who inflicted the pregnancy upon herself)))

...snicker...

[JoeSixPack1]

Only if you can Tango Solo! :-)

[Centurion2000]

Bottom line, if you don't want to be held responsible for the support of a child, avoid those activities that produce children.

And make sure you have DOCUMENTED proof of your vasectomy .... out of state mommies looking for cash can nail you without you even knowing it.

[Unassuaged]

No, A man is a fool to leave birth control to a woman.

[RAT Patrol]

I agree fundamentally. However, I think using the left's own ridiculousness against them would be an effective tactic. If the woman can choose, the man can choose. Anything less is sex discrimination. They shouldn't get by with bigoted ethics of convenience. Lets be consistent.

[Terriergal]

Ah I see. I agree it is a shared responsibility... but also men *and* women must accept (before plunging into a sexual relationship) that nothing is 100 percent 'failsafe.'