Act III
Pres. Sheen addresses the nation: My fellow Americans. As you may have heard, New York was bombed today, and like you, I'm totally bummed. But what we need to ask ourselves is, what did we do to make these fine religious wayfarers from the Middle East so angry? Where did we fail them? Accordingly, I'm sending Ambassador Jesse Jackson to the Middle East for a big kum ba ya and to solicit donations from the mullahs for the Rainbow Coalition. I have also instructed Secretary of State Sheryl Crow to write a Song for New York, which will be recorded with "Artistes Making Statements," including Susan Sarandon, Carrot Top, and Pee Wee Herman!
Aide bursts in: Mr. President, looks like there's a bomb headed right for the White House. What should we do, sir?
Pres. Sheen: That wasn't in the script. Get me rewrite! Get me rewrite!