Posted on 03/03/2003 2:48:36 PM PST by Alec Mouhibian
Alec, I'll read this again later, but don't know that I'll have a response.
Learn brevity, make your point like this
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Sir: I accept the nomination tendered me by the Convention over which you presided, and of which I am formally apprized in the letter of yourself and others, acting as a committee of the convention, for that purpose.
The declaration of principles and sentiments, which accompanies your letter, meets my approval; and it shall be my care not to violate, or disregard it, in any part.
Imploring the assistance of Divine Providence, and with due regard to the views and feelings of all who were represented in the convention; to the rights of all the states, and territories, and people of the nation; to the inviolability of the constitution, and the perpetual union, harmony, and prosperity of all, I am most happy to co-operate for the practical success of the principles declared by the convention. Your obliged friend, and fellow citizen
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And eventually you’ll advance to this
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Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met here on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But in a larger sense we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled, here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but can never forget what they did here. It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they have, thus far, so nobly carried on. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation shall have a new birth of freedom; and that this government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
"This—as philosopher Ayn Rand knew so well and analyzed so timelessly when, over four decades ago, she wrote: “There never has been a philosophy, a theory or a doctrine that attacked (or ‘limited’) reason, which did not also preach submission to the power of some authority…Power-seekers have always known that if men are to be made submissive, the obstacle is not their feelings, their wishes or their ‘instincts,’ but their minds;
...if men are to be ruled, then the enemy is reason.
It is reported that HG Wells died a broken man because WWII brought all that was bad, warfare, inequity, the A-Bomb, emotion rather than reason which he had written of and preached about in his books and essays. He was a noted Socialist who had grown up in and experienced the English Classed Society and Industrial Revolution of the late 19th Century. He was contemporaneous to Marx and Engles. In 1931 he even visited Stalin and came away "disappointed".
If reason is "their" enemy then, here at Free Republic, it is our ally.
Keep reading, pondering and questioning. It's that, or the darkness promised by the dictators of the world. Especially the dictators of the DNC!
I didn't even bother reading it as I am not here to read a novel. I am here for the news.
Eaker
Nonsense. Keep in mind something said by Mark Twain - "If I had more time, I would have written you a shorter letter." George Orwell also had choice words for overly wordy authors.
There are many important things that are each steps in their own. This isn't meant to be a column. Please read it accordingly, and with some time to dispose.
Then you have to break it up, present it as a series, with each installment hitting on one or two important points. Lead each installment with a brief summary of the ground you have previously covered, and provide links to your earlier works.
People aren't coming onto a forum such as this to read a novella - what most of us are looking for are clear and concise writings that neatly lay out an opinion and then support it with verifiable facts.
Finally, I would tell you to lay off the big words. You have an excellent vocabulary for an 18-year-old - you don't have to go so overboard in proving it to your readers. In fact, relying too much on large, uncommon words is one of the oldest tricks used to try and conceal a weak argument.
Other than all that, keep at it!
That's good, because big words do not prove intelligence, especially when they are used in a marginally accurate way. Also, words like torpitude are not even in Websters. When is the last time you talked to someone down at K-mart and you used the word "torpitude"?
It's used in an attempt to originize my writing in a way which makes it more enjoyable to read.
For whom? Certainly not your readers.
To learn to write, read great writers. (Bill Buckley may sometimes be fun to read or hear, but he has carved out his own very narrow niche and is a terrible example for young writers.)
To be a good writer use small words, short sentences, and short paragraphs. Concentrate on WHAT it is you are trying to say, not on HOW you say it to impress others.
Some sage advise is offered to you by CFC_, Alec.
Consider it.
As for much of the rest you've been told?
Pick what you want -- that which makes sense to/for you -- & disregard the rest.
But above all?
Don't stop thinking, don't stop writing. Ever.
To be good, really good?
You must practice, practice, paractice & then, as another poster suggested, "edit-edit-edit."
You'll come to understand that POV perfectly well one day, & then you'll tell another young aspiring would-be writer the very same thing.
But for now?
You're well on the right track to success.
...if you stick with it.
As long as You are willing to accept their "money" as an indication of Your worth , then you have fallen for their trap and their lies will work.
But if You value the gift You have been given , You will see that their monetary system is a game in which You can't win.
It doesn't take pages and pages to explain what's happening. But it does make it easier to disguise what's "really" happening.
The part about LBJ and his initials along with the "69" reference are cute but gratuitous; you simply must condense it and pick a single focus - say, the contrast of attitudes among the intellectuals and the common understanding of the phrase, "The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer."
Your title is inapt; the "New Stupidity" is made all the more clear the same old stupidity by the examples you cite.
You fail to provide a convincing motive for the reader to accept a collusion among the various nefarians you quote; it may well be that members of social classes simply conform by habit.
As a former business owner and long time supervisor, this funny math came into play each and every time a cost of living raise or any kind of raise was given to employees.
For example, if a year or period of time was measured to contain a 4.5% inflation, then the obvious thing to do (if you had the money) was to give a 4.5% raise or cost of living increase.
Duh! It was rare that a total riot did not break out in the plant because some people got a bigger raise than others because their wages and job title had a higher rate of pay. Herein lies the dumb dilemma! How to quell the complaints and educate the fools that could not conceive of how percentages work!
Do you give everyone the same increase, say $10.00,(the higher paid people would feel screwed), or do you give raises depending on how much they were offended.
I tried to explain how percentages worked, but to no avail. I finally decided to stop giving raises and let them quit, if they could not accept it. I then stopped negociating wages and payed everyone the same if hourly, and different on salary. The comapany required that all salaried persons keep their wages secret, subject to termination.
It worked!
Sort of.(not really)..............................................................................................................
Have you seen others who wrote, basically one idea, using segments Part One, Part Two, etc. Myself, I think this may be the form that you will find easiest. Never write more than four pages in one Part. Complete all Parts, take a break, do something else. Then edit each Part to three pages. When you have done this, edit each Part to two pages. After this stressful task, edit them to one page and you will be a hero, not only in your own mind but also to your readers.
Keep up the good work.
Regards,
L
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This is much of the key to the whole thing. Personal prosperity or support is disconnected from personal responsibility and the responsibility or effort of others is to be confiscated to produce a world of entitlement to material goods without responsibility or disciplined effort.
If this is your work, it shows thought and study far more than typical of someone your age. You have a future as an analyst/writer. The length is not a hindrance of content is good. My own articles run up to 75 pages and I have more demand for my work than I have time to satisfy. You will, however need a special forum and need to cultivate a readership to publish articles of this length.
All in all, I would say this is a good early effort.
Don't worry about it. You're preaching to the choir. I wish my writing was that good when I was your age.
The Elements of Style, by William Strunk, Jr.
When in doubt edit, edit, edit.
Don't worry, practice makes perfect and you seem to have good ideas.
You should cover one topic at a time. It will keep your essays shorter and more on point thereby making them more accessible to a majority of Freepers including me.
Overall good effort, though.
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